‘It’s Not Me, It’s You’: A Loser’s Guide to Dealing with Rejection by The Guyliner
(Link): ‘It’s not me, it’s you’: a loser’s guide to dealing with rejection by The Guyliner
Advances in technology, and the urge to express ourselves as loudly as possible, mean rejection has never been so easy to dole out. Swiping left on Tinder, blocking on Twitter, marching to the polling booth: a firm no is never far away, but the bitter sting never fails to shock.
We’ve witnessed an unusually high level of public rejection over the last few turbulent weeks, from politicians discovering their posses were lacking compadres and feeling their ambition turn to ash in their mouths, to the much-maligned EU, sadly opening its Dear John letter from 52% of the UK, all calls going straight to voicemail.
Rejection can teach you a lot about yourself and those around you. “No” may never be music to your ears, but you can learn to take it with dignity. Or, at the very least, store up ample fuel for your revenge.
….On a dating app
“Why don’t they love me?” I’d cry when I was single, throwing myself on to a fainting couch whenever someone I’d contacted didn’t reciprocate.
Swiping left, ghosting, firing back messages with a curt “ugh no” – dating has never been so brutal.
My takeaway from these rejections was always a) there was something about my profile that needed attention; and b) you cannot make someone want you. This knowledge alone was enough to encourage me.
When I did the rejecting – hey, it happened, OK? – I’d get the odd aggressive comeback telling me I was ugly or stupid, or they were too good for me anyway. And you know what? I’d always immediately change my mind and agree to meet them.
Except I didn’t, because nobody would ever do that. Just putting it out there.
….By your partner
“It’s not you, it’s me” doesn’t help, does it? Breakups are the hardest rejection to take of all, because they’re not about getting turned down for something you wanted; they’re the removal of something you actually had.
I’ve had my share of these, with front-row seats to both sides of the story, and I quickly realised that wishing things would go back to how they were is pointless. It’s evolve or be crushed.
If I couldn’t be their lover, I’d be the best ex they ever had. No heartbroken phone calls in the night, no forlorn texting, no shirtless pics or flaunting my new love on social media, a total dearth of vaguebooking, just the biggest gift of all: invisibility. I stayed out of their way, didn’t get in touch, became a ghost. Remembering me fondly thanks to my disappearing act, they almost always get back in touch eventually. I’d moved on by then, of course. Zing!
To a marriage proposal
My friend had everything sorted: an engagement ring, New York in winter, champagne on ice – the only thing missing was a Yes.
As he finally got up off one arthritic knee to face an even greater pain, he thought his life was over, but a no to marriage didn’t mean a no to him.
It’s just that holy matrimony isn’t for everyone. You see a ring as a sign of commitment; they look at it like prison bars, and 30 years of someone ordering you about and moaning you drink too much.
You don’t need a ring on your finger to be together for ever, I told him. And think of the money you’ve saved – weddings are expensive! He started to say something about flights to New York, a five-star hotel and his ruined credit card limit, but my sympathetic well had run dry by then. Anyway, they’re married now – to other people. The point still stands: a no can lead to happiness.
(Link): Nice Guys Aren’t So Nice After All: Men in the “Friend Zone” Often Have A Hidden Agenda, Say Psychologists (Daily Mail article)
(Link): Testosterone-Deficient Gamma Male Whines About the ‘Friend Zone’ (post from The Other McCain) – AKA, Ugly, Fat, Weird, Awkward, or Poor Nice Guys Who Unrealistically Expect to Attract Rich, Pretty, Thin, Socially Normal Women