Prudie Counsels a Woman Whose Husband Stopped Initiating Sex. – But Most Christians Teach that Marriage Means Great and Regular Sex.
A lot of Christian teaching I heard while growing up – and even as an adult – suggested if you wait until marriage to have sex that the sex would be so worth it, because it would be FREQUENT and GREAT QUALITY.
Lo and behold if that is not the case. Here is the one billionth example on my blog.
Oh, let this go to show that women are interested in sex too, not just men – Christians often falsely teach that only men want and enjoy sex, while they also teach that women only want cuddles and to sip tea.
Q. Husband doesn’t initiate sex anymore:
I’m a 39-year-old woman, and my husband is 43. Our sex life has always been very good, and we each have done our own fair share of initiating.
However, in the past few years, the frequency of sex has really dwindled. Currently, as long as I do all of the initiating, our sex life remains great. If I don’t, no sex for months.
I’ve found myself becoming somewhat resentful, as it makes me feel like he no longer desires me or cares to make an effort. I’ve talked with him a number of times about this, and I only get the same responses over and over.
He says he’s just getting older, his sex drive is down, etc., and he says that it has absolutely nothing to do with me.
I don’t believe his explanation, as he has no problem getting an erection, is ready to go at the barest of hint from me, and also still masturbates.
When I ask him why he masturbates instead of having sex with me, he says he just needs the release in the moment.
When we do have sex, he is attentive and loving, though his technique is beginning to wane as well. He’ll often do the same move repeatedly until I ask him to do something else.
All the initiating and loving encouragement by me doesn’t seem to matter. I feel like a scheduler and choreographer instead of a wife.
He doesn’t think it’s necessary to go to the doctor or a counselor and has a habit of ignoring things until they’re broken, despite repeated conversations.
The rest of our marriage is great, but I miss my husband in this regard. How much should I push the issue? Do I “resign” myself to the fact I must do all the work or just give up all together?
(Partial Answer – visit their web page to read the whole thing):
Go to a therapist with or without him; find out what you can live with and what you can’t; and make your limits clear, both to your husband and to yourself…