Women: Stop Asking Pat Robertson For Romantic Relationship Advice – Whether You Are Divorced or Single
Aug 16, 2016 edit: Just a few days after I made this post imploring women to stop asking Robertson for romantic relationship advice, Robertson did this:
(Link): Christian TV Show Pat Robertson Says Wives Who Want Emotional Support from a Husband Are Immature and Should Not Expect Emotional Support
Then Robertson turned around and did this – November 2016 edit:
(Link): Pat Robertson’s Incredibly Insensitive Advice to Gail the Unmarried Woman
Yep. This is why I beg you, women of the world: stop going to Pat Robertson with dating, singleness, divorce, or marriage questions! You are not going to get valuable advice or empathy for your problems, but a lot of victim-blaming and shaming.
So, yesterday (August 2, 2016), on the TV show “The 700 Club,” Christian host Pat Robertson fielded a question from some woman who wrote in saying she had been divorced four times (I placed two videos of that segment in this post, towards the end).
If I understand the woman’s letter correctly, she says she accepted Christ as her savior, or turned to God, after her fourth divorce.
She said her first four husbands were abusive. She wants to know, now that she has rededicated her life to God, will God send her a loving husband?
Look, I knew before Pat ever opened his mouth how he would answer this woman. And I cringed in anticipation. And I was right about his reply.
I’ve watched The 700 Club every single day since the year 2005, and off and on prior to that. My mother used to watch his show when I was a kid, so I was exposed to it back then. I suppose I still watch it out of habit.
I have seen so many episodes of this show, I already can tell you how Robertson is going to answer before he opens his mouth, and I am correct about 90% of the time (regarding relationship questions he receives).
More often than not, if you are a woman and you write Pat Robertson for relationship advice, especially if you have been divorced, he will most likely blame you. He will tell you that you have a “failed relationship picker” and you should stay single. He figures that since you have failed at marriage once or twice before, there is little sense in trying again, because you will only fail again.
Robertson will shame and blame you for having married abusers, duds, and losers.
Robertson is also not kind to single women over 40 who have never married but who would like to marry.
Robertson generally tells the over age 40 women if they still desire marriage at age 40 or older, that they are “desperate.” (Please see the links under “Related Posts” at the end of this blog post for links to examples of that.)
If you are a single woman under age 40 who has never married and would like to, Robertson will merely tell you to “go where the fish are,” meaning, start going to churches that have a lot of single men (what Robertson does not realize is that churches and evangelical Christianity lack enough single men for single women).
I have yet to figure out why Robertson feels that a woman UNDER 40 who wants marriage is not desperate, but any woman OVER 40 must, he figures, be desperate.
In some ways, I have calmed down about being single at my age, and I am in my 40s now. I think the worst age to be single when you want marriage is probably around age 35; one’s late 20s can also be rough, if one is anticipating marriage but it hasn’t happened yet. But then you hit age 30 and think, well surely by the time I hit 35, I’ll be married by then.
By the time you get to your early or mid 40s, you’ve pretty much learned to adjust to single life and learn to be content with being single (which does NOT mean you don’t experience the occasional panic attack or sadness about being single, but it’s one hella lot more easy being single at 40 – 45 than at 35).
I have blogged on all this before, how Pat Robertson typically responds to women who are divorced or single and want marriage (please see the “Related Posts” section at the bottom of this post for more examples).
Robertson seldom gives empathy or understanding to women who write to him about these things, about relationship woes and heartaches, so please, women of America, stop asking Robertson questions about marriage, singleness, divorce, or dating, because nine times out of ten, he’s going to shame you, blame you, and tell you to just stay single.
To the divorced woman who wrote Pat Robertson, I say this (and I’m sorry it’s not terribly encouraging, but it’s the truth): I’m over the age of 40, was a Christian ‘good girl’ my whole life, still a virgin at my age, and followed all the Christian rules, had faith, and trusted in God for a spouse – and I never married. (I was engaged years ago, but my fiance’ was a selfish jerk face.)
God did not provide me with a spouse (this is assuming there is a God, I’ve had doubts the last few years).
So, lady, I don’t know what to tell you. Just because you are following the rules now, have rededicated your life to God, are attending church now and so on and so forth and etc, is not a magic formula that guarantees that God will send you a spouse.
As a matter of fact, I have blogged before about how Christian women who act like total whores (women who admit to posing in porn, working in strip clubs, etc, knowing all this was a sin) still get sent great spouses (see this link).
Does that make any sense to you, divorced lady, that Christian women who knowingly sexually sin repeatedly, get rewarded great husbands later on, but women like me who obeyed God their whole lives get nothing?
I’m afraid you’re in the situation now I’ve been in for years, and there is no answer for it.
If you bring these concerns up with Christians, most of them will charge you with being “selfish” for expecting God to “reward you” with a spouse, although this was what I was taught by churches when I was a teen girl, that if I behaved and prayed, God would reward me with a spouse. Or, a Christian like Robertson will tell you to just give up on marriage altogether.
All I can say is don’t depend on God to send you a “nice” husband, just because you have cleaned up your life, you’re praying, reading your Bible now and asking God for a spouse, and so on.
And for the love of Frank, do not count on most Christians to give you an empathetic response when you tell them you are single and want to be married but God is not helping you in this area of your life, and you are hurt and confused by God’s silence and inaction. Most Christians will shame you and blame you if you bring this up, trust me.
You can read and listen to the divorced woman’s letter here (it’s the second or third letter on the video):
(Link): Bring It On-Line: Claiming Healing – August 2, 2016
on You Tube
(Link): Pat Robertson’s Incredibly Insensitive Advice to Gail the Unmarried Woman
(Link): Dear Abby – She Wants A Divorce From the Husband Who Hid His Vulnerable Narcissism (Emotional Abuse, Extreme Pessimism, Victim Mentality, etc) While They Were Dating
(Link): Miserable in a Marriage to a Covert Narcissist – Content by Renee Swanson (This Content Can Help Single Adults Too) – Complementarians Push People to Stay in Toxic Marriages Like This One
(Link): Televangelist Pat Robertson’s wife DeDe dies at Virginia home aged 94
(Link): Cathy The Single Woman Asks Pat Robertson Why God Has Not Replied to Her Prayers for Years to Send Her a Spouse
(Link): The Dear Driscoll Site – Re: Mark Driscoll – Christians: Stop Supporting Driscoll, any church Driscoll runs, and Stop Supporting Guys Like Him!
(Link): Prayer and The 700 Club – Some Observations and Suggestions
(Link): Pat Robertson Says 44 Year old Never Married Woman Who Wants Marriage is “Desperate”
(Link): Pat Robertson’s Downer, Bad Advice to Gabby the Mid-30s, Never Married Lady Who’s Not Having Success with Dating Sites
(Link): Joanne The Widow Lady Wants to Know Why God Didn’t Answer Her Prayer to Keep her Husband With Her
(Link): Pat Robertson Feigns Ignorance At Allegations He’s Been Insensitive Towards Older Single Christian Women Who Cannot Find Marriage Partners
(Link): Celibate Christian Woman Asks Christian Host (Pat Robertson) Why God Will Not Send Her a Husband
(Link): Christian Host Pat Robertson Tells Christian Woman Who Married Christian Man Who Turned Out to Be Totally Unethical That She has Discernment of a Slug – Single Women: toss Be Equally Yoked teaching in the trash can
(Link): All Dating Advice is as Terrible As the People Who Give It by Oliver Burkeman
(Link): Consider The Source: Christians Who Give Singles Dating Advice Also Regularly Coach Wives to Stay in Abusive Marriages
(Link): How the Dating Scene Became Stacked Against Women
(Link): Stop Telling Your Single Friends to Try Dating Sites – Please.
(Link): Blaming the Christian for His or Her Own Problem or Unanswered Prayer / Christian Codependency
(Link): What Two Religions Tell Us About the Modern Dating Crisis (from TIME) (ie, Why Are Conservative Religious Women Not Marrying Even Though They Want to Be Married. Hint: It’s a Demographics Issue)
(Link): Christians Advise Singles To Follow Certain Dating Advice But Then Shame, Criticize, or Punish Singles When That Advice Does Not Work
(Link): ‘Why Are You Single’ Lists That Do Not Pathologize Singles
(Link): “He’s Got Muscles” – Pat Robertson Weirdness (Discussing Tebow’s Sexiness)
(Link): Pat Robertson says ‘Virginity Has Nothing To Do With Marriage’ and Says (Paraphrasing) ‘Virginity Was Fine For Mary But Not Applicable For Any Other Christians’
(Link): Christian TV Show Host Pat Robertson Disrespects Virginity – Says Pre-Marital Sex Is “Not A Bad Thing”
(Link): Pat Robertson Expects Men to Commit Sexual Sin (and it’s not the first time)
(Link): Pat Robertson: (basically): Pre Marital Sex is Okay (or to be totally expected) Because People are “Sexual Beings”
(Link): Robertson Defends His Horrible Advice to Married Woman
(Link): Don’t Be Pat Robertson: Learn That, Yes, Abusive Jerks Masquerade As Nice Guys Until They Marry the Woman Then They Abuse Her – Pat Blames A Woman Again For Marrying A Jerk
(Link): Is Pat Robertson of The 700 Club Show some kind of secret perv? He’s Creepy
(Link): Forget About Being ‘Equally Yoked’ – Article: ‘My Abusive ‘Christian’ Marriage’
(Link): Gender Complementarian Advice to Single Women Who Desire Marriage Will Keep Them Single Forever / Re: Choosing A Spiritual Leader
(Link): Married Female Christian Blogger Whose Mate Hunting Criteria is Guaranteed to Keep Marriage Minded Single Christian Men Single Perpetually
(Link): Another Example of Why the Equally Yoked Teaching is A Joke for Single Christian Women : Baptist Preacher Arrested for Allegedly Fire Bombing Ex Girlfriend’s House While She Was In It
(Link): Obnoxious and Sexist Preacher Mark Driscoll Wants Christian Singles to Stay Single Indefinitely – And Even Though Unwanted, Prolonged Singleness has Been a Huge Issue For Christian Singles for A Couple Decades Now – Driscoll: ‘Christians should not marry pro choicers’