Five Things Every (Christian) Married Man Should Stop Obsessing Over Around Single Women by J. Kamps

Five Things Every Married Man Should Stop Obsessing Over Around Single Women by J. Kamps

Thank you, Jean Kamps! Kamps is one of the very few married (Christian) women I’ve seen who comprehends how terribly Christianity, especially married Christian men, treat single women – the way most to all married, Christian men ASSUME (wrongly!) that all single women are minxes out to bed any and every married man we come across.

(These married Christian men must have some ego to assume I find them attractive enough to  want to boink. I don’t. Women are visual too and have sexual desire, but we don’t want to sleep with any and every man we come across.)

Often times some of the assumptions Kamps is addressing here in an article by a married Christian man, are taught under the BGR “Billy Graham Rule.” I have blogged on this topic many times before. I will put links to some of those posts at the bottom of my post, under “Related Posts.”

By the way, if these assumptions are true – if Christian men are so easily tempted by single adult women – it contradicts the Christian teaching that married Christian sex is hot and regular. Christians assume that once you marry, you will be content having sex with your spouse and your spouse alone, and that married Christian sex is great – if all that is so, Christians would have no need to teach married Christian men not to associate (be tempted by) single women.

I also find this Christian encouragement of treating single women with suspicion, as though all single women are harlots, to conflict with the other bit of Christian propaganda which views married couples as being more mature and godly than adult singles.

If marriage instantly makes a person more ethical, godly, and sexually trustworthy than singleness, as Christians assume, then why tell married Christian men cannot trust themselves to be alone in the company of single women?

(Link):  5 things every married man should stop obsessing over around single women by J. Kamps


I recently read an article that really rose my hackles. It’s not that this article was in itself overtly offensive, but that it came as the final feather that woke the sleeping giant. I keep coming across these and very similar views regarding Christian purity, and I decided to address this head on.

(Link): 5 Things Every Married Man Should Do Around Single Women is an article essentially grounded in male chauvinism — the idea that men are superior to and set apart from women — as well as an inflated sense of Christian purity, which advice will result in not merely a lack of healthy relationships but significantly contribute to the breakdown of brotherhood-sisterhood within the church of God while putting other people off the gospel of truth in daily life witness.

….After initially reading the article I have just broken down, I expressed my disgust to a married woman friend. I told her plainly how demeaning I found the entire piece.

I said, single women are not all gagging for it, and for men to universally presume that a single woman is A: out to hook a married man, and B: so pathetic on her own that she is willing to misconstrue the slightest glance or friendly talk as being a come-on is grossly insulting.

…My problem with these practical boundaries is very simple. You are treating the symptoms. You need to treat the real issue at heart.

Men of the church of God, I challenge you to embrace this aspect of Christ. Can you start looking at your sisters in Christ as sisters?

[ click here to read the rest of the post ]

Related Posts:

(Link):  Christians Overly Fond of the BGR / How I Learned to Stop Worrying About the Billy Graham Rule and Love Like Jesus by T. Grigg

(Link):  Non-Romantic Nearness, The Billy Graham Rule, and Pope John Paul’s Friendship With a Married Woman

(Link):  The Islamic Billy Graham Rule – Unmarried Muslim People Are Punished For Being Alone Together

(Link):  Brotherly Love: Christians and Male-Female Friendships

(Link):  Jesus Christ was not afraid to meet alone with known Prostitutes / Steven Furtick and Elevation Church Perpetuating Anti Singles Bias – ie, Single Women are Supposedly Sexual Temptresses, All Males Can’t Control Their Sex Drives – (but this view conflicts with evangelical propaganda that married sex is great and frequent)

(Link):  Topics: Friendship is Possible / Sexualization By Culture Of All Relationships

(Link):   How the Sexual Revolution Ruined Friendship – Also: If Christians Truly Believed in Celibacy and Virginity, they would stop adhering to certain sexual and gender stereotypes that work against both

(Link): Reclaiming Stolen Friendships – a blog post criticizing the Sexist, Anti – Singles Christian Billy Graham Rule

(Link):  Christians Overly Fond of the BGR / How I Learned to Stop Worrying About the Billy Graham Rule and Love Like Jesus by T. Grigg

(Link):  Non-Romantic Nearness, The Billy Graham Rule, and Pope John Paul’s Friendship With a Married Woman

(Link):  Patriarchy tends to sexualize all male / female relationships (article via Junia Project blog)

(Link):  Relationships Of Welcome, Not Fear (Re: How Sexist Christian Views Marginalize and Isolate Adult, Single Women and Maintain Other Stereotypes About Adult Singles)

(Link): Think The “Billy Graham Rule” Would Have Saved Tullian? Think Again… (Billy Graham rule has all Christians treating single adult women as though they are harlots who cannot be trusted)

(Link):  Preacher Tullian Tchividjian Possibly Involved in Another Inappropriate Sexual Relationship (March 2016) / Why Do Christians Not Have a RBGR – Reverse Billy Graham Rule?

(Link):   Christian Stereotypes About Female Sexuality : All Unmarried Women Are Supposedly Hyper Sexed Harlots – But All Married Ones are Supposedly Frigid or Totally Uninterested in Sex

(Link):  4 Sexist Myths That The Church Should Reject – 3. Men Are Primarily Sexual Beings and Women Are Not Sexual by R. Asproth

(Link): How Christians Have Failed on Teaching Maturity and Morality Vis A Vis Marriage / Parenthood – Used as Markers of Maturity Or Assumed to be Sanctifiers – Also: More Hypocrisy – Christians Teach You Need A Spouse to Be Purified, But Also Teach God Won’t Send You a Spouse Until You Become Purified

(Link):   Discipling Healthy Male/Female Relationships in the Church Part 1 by Wendy Alsup


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