Why This New Yorker Didn’t Start Having Sex Until She Turned 30 Years Old
I think this paper meant to say she lost her virginity sometime around the age of 30, not that she “waited 30 years.” If you frame it as though she waited 30 years, you are unintentionally suggesting that it’s normal for infants to have sex.
By Royal Young
Lianne Stokes didn’t lose her virginity until she was 30 years old. A miraculous feat in New York City, where people have sex everywhere, including the subway. “Sex drives our culture. Everyone is obsessed with it,” says Stokes, who details her quest to get rid of her “V-card” in her hilariously honest debut memoir, “Below Average: A Life Way Under The Bar.”
Raised in Nyack in the early 1980s, the daughter of an outrageous Vietnam-veteran father, Stokes always felt like an outcast. As she grew up, her intimidating, wacky dad scared away potential boyfriends. “My father starts every conversation by asking ‘Do you hunt?’ I grew up with a cartoon-character version of what men are like,” says Stokes. “I was never able to relate to boys.”
…“My whole relationship with men was full of unrealistic expectations,” says Stokes. “I was completely enraptured with an ideal and not finding it, so I kept holding back. My shrink told me I was 10 years behind. I said, ‘More like three’ and she said, ‘No. Ten.’ ”
…On the eve of her 30th birthday, Stokes decided it was time to “rip the Band-Aid off.” She realized the perfect guy was never going to come along in New York. So, a week later, upon meeting a ginger-haired Scottish man at the Williamsburg restaurant Sea, she took the plunge and went home with him.
…“After asking me to buy drinks, he said, ‘Don’t expect too much.’ I said ‘Oh! You’re breaking ground for a whole new string of lowered expectations.’ ” For their time between the sheets, he put on a special mix CD he’d made called “babes in the bed.”
He proved to be a disappointment in the sack, but the deed paved the way for Stokes to have future healthy romantic relationships.
“I joined in when I was ready,” says Stokes about losing her virginity. “It took me years to realize that was part of my charm. When you’re an oddball, you feel left out. Then you realize everyone around you admires that you’re not like everyone else. They weren’t judging me. I was holding my own self back.”
(Link): Did Hell Freeze Over?: Liberal Rag Promotes Idea that Celibacy is Acceptable, and a Valid Life Choice / Re: 2016 Study Says Millennials Aren’t Having Much SexDid Hell Freeze Over?: Liberal Rag Promotes Idea that Celibacy is Acceptable, and a Valid Life Choice / Re: 2016 Study Says Millennials Aren’t Having Much Sex
(Link): Marcotte on Anyone Choosing To Be a Virgin Until Marriage: “It’s a Silly Idea” – What Progressive Christians, Conservative Christians, Non Christians, and Salon’s Amanda Marcotte Gets Wrong About Christian Views on Virginity