Getting Married Is Not an Accomplishment by N. Brooke
Many of the commentators at the bottom of this page written by N. Brooke at “Huffington Post” don’t get it.
Often times, when someone points out how culture makes much too much out of marriage and parenthood, to the detriment of singles or childless and childfree people, married parents take this as being some kind of attack on their lives or lifestyle choices (which it is not), and they get defensive and act offended.
I’ve said many times on this blog that I have nothing against marriage or parenthood per se – my quibble, my problem, is with a culture and church that either ignores those who are NOT married parents, or else insults singles and the childless, and treats them as though they are not “real” grown-ups, or treat them as though they are flawed.
I maintain that women get FAR more pressure to marry and/or have children than men do. Women are judged on the basis of their marital status in a way and level that men are not.
Women are valued by culture ONLY for virtue of being baby-making machines, and/or if they are attached to a man.
Men may face some of this pressure from church or culture, but not anywhere near the level of insanity that women do.
Men have more freedom in our culture to stay bachelors – nobody thinks them pathetic, sad, peculiar, a loser, or a failure if they never marry or never have kids. Not so for women.
I too tire of a culture that makes more a big deal out of weddings than a woman’s non-martial achievements, such as purchasing her own home, or getting a promotion at her job.
A woman is her own person on her own; a woman does not need a husband or children to validate her purpose or existence in the world.
So, people of the world, stop hammering away at your female friends of family about their love lives. Stop drilling them on “are you dating anyone,” or, “when are you planning on marrying.” Instead, ask your women friends about their hobbies, jobs, or (non dating) aspirations. Stop acting as though the only thing of interest of value in a woman’s life is a man she is dating.
I agree with the heading – same holds true for parenthood. Getting married or getting pregnant are not accomplishments.
(Link): Getting Married Is Not an Accomplishment by N. Brooke – on Huffington Post
Now that I have a ring on my finger, I can finally publicly share my opinion that would have sounded plain bitter coming from a girl sans ring. And being officially taken off the market has definitely not changed my stance: Getting engaged and married is not an accomplishment.
Ladies, before you angrily dismiss me, hear me out.
My frustration is this: It is 2016 and being popped the question is still more celebrated than academic and professional pursuits of women. Yes, college graduations and landing a great career and receiving wonderful promotions are all received with happiness from friends and family, but not even close to the same level of elation received when you announce that you are getting hitched. This is my experience, at least.
I am so grateful for the excitement surrounding my upcoming marriage, however, I often wonder why the event of getting married is put on a higher pedestal than the true successes that come along with an education and career.
…In general I have noticed that I tend to be questioned much more about my relationship, engagement, or wedding than my job or related accomplishments. And, this didn’t just start in the last three months. It has always been the case that I was more likely to be asked “So, when are you getting engaged” or “How’s everything going with Craig” than “How’s your job going?” or “What have you been working on lately?”
… Perhaps it’s time for society as a whole to re-evaluate what aspect of women’s lives we put the most value on.
…Once again, I must reiterate that getting married is absolutely a huge event, and it’s so very exciting to find your “other half.” However, the ring is no longer what defines a woman. So, I urge you to be excited when your sisters, female co-workers, and best friends announce their marriage, but please be just as excited (if not more) when they land the management position, get their Master’s degree, or open their own business.
(Link): Sorry, but being a mother is not the most important job in the world, by Catherine Deveny
(Link): People Are Happier Spending Time With Their Friends Than With Their Families, Study Finds
(Link): Top 13 Reasons Why People Don’t Want to Get Married Any More – and Why Staying Single Makes You Happier
(Link): Marriage Won’t Keep You From Contracting Covid and Dying (this may come as a shock to Al Mohler and Brad Wilcox and those like them)
(Link): My Marriage Broke Down Around Age 30 — And So Did Most of My Friends’ Relationships by E. Woods
(Link): Fewer Americans See Their Romantic Partners As a Source of Life’s Meaning
(Link): The Re-Sale Market for Diamond Engagement Rings is Booming, as the Pandemic Causes Divorce Rates to Spike
(Link): Going Solo: More Women Embracing Single Life by S. Jackson, via DFP
(Link): The Rise of the Lone She-Wolf by Charlotte Alter
(Link): Christian ‘Married People’ Privilege – Most Marrieds Remain Amazingly Blinded to Christian Discrimination Against Singles Or Write Unmarrieds’ Concerns Off, As Though They Are Nothing Compared to Marriage/ Parenting.
(Link): Are Marriage and Family A Woman’s Highest Calling? by Marcia Wolf – and other links that address the Christian fallacy that a woman’s most godly or only proper role is as wife and mother
(Link): Why all the articles about being Child Free? On Being Childfree or Childless – as a Conservative / Right Wing / Christian
(Link): Typical Conservative Assumption: If you want marriage bad enough (or at all), Mr. Right will magically appear
(Link): The Single American Woman via NY Magazine
(Link): Five Unhelpful Things Singles Are Tired Of Hearing by R. Duncan / Eight Things You Should Never Say To Your Single Friends by K. Wilkinson
(Link): Really, It’s Okay To Be Single – In order to protect marriage, we should be careful not to denigrate singleness – by Peter Chin
(Link): Southern Baptist’s New Sexist “Biblical Womanhood” Site – Attitudes in Total Face Palm of a Site One Reason Among Many This Unmarried and Childless Woman Is Saying Toodle-Oo to Christianity
(Link): The Irrelevancy To Single or Childless or Childfree Christian Women of Biblical Gender Complementarian Roles / Biblical Womanhood Teachings
(Link): Bethke: “Christians Do Not Need To Get Married To Live A Full And Flourishing Existence”
(Link): The Case Against ‘Saving’ Marriage – Married Nuclear Families Are the Gold Standard Against Which We Are All Judged. by N. Rodgers
(Link): Christianity Should Be Able To Work Regardless of Culture, Childed or Marital Status / Article: Unlike in the 1950s, there is no ‘typical’ U.S. family today by B. Shulte
(Link): Why Do Churches Treat Singleness Like a Problem? via Relevant Magazine
(Link): A Liberation Theology for Single People by Christena
(Link): Christians: Please Stop Telling Singles that Their Singleness is “For God’s Glory” / Owen Strachan’s “Being Single To Bring God Glory” Essay
(Link): ‘Why Are You Single’ Lists That Do Not Pathologize Singles by Bella DePaulo