Prudie Counsels a 32-Year-Old Virgin Too Anxious to Go Out with Women.
Mallory Ortberg, aka Dear Prudence, is online weekly to chat live with readers.
Q. 32-year-old virgin:
I’m a 32-year-old straight man and I’ve never been in a relationship with a woman. I can count on one hand the number of dates I’ve been on.
I’ve had many female friends and am perfectly comfortable around women in that context, but as soon as it’s a “date” my anxiety takes over and ruins everything.
Although a professional has never formally diagnosed me, I’m pretty sure I have avoidant personality disorder (I have all the symptoms listed on various psychology websites).
I’m afraid of going to therapy or taking medication. I’m sure you would advise me to try either of those things.
What bothers me is that even if I went to therapy and was able to manage my anxiety, I worry about reactions to my lack of romantic experience. Do I try to hide it for as long as possible or be totally up front about it? I feel like I’m past the point of no return, and it’s just too weird to date now.
I personally don’t even think it’s that important to read the advice he got from Dear Prudie. If you’re someone in the same position as this guy, it should merely comfort you to know you’re not the only one.
The way our society is, the way television shows and movies are, it looks as though everyone and his brother and sister is having sex or is dating – not so.
I used to have a friend who was in her early 30s who had never been on a date or been kissed by a guy at that time.
There are a lot of people I’ve read about, or run into on the internet the past ten or more years, who didn’t start dating until their late 20s, 30s, or older.
Some people are just late bloomers, painfully shy, or just don’t meet someone they feel comfortable and compatible with until later in life – and that’s okay.
(Link): Weak Argument Against Celibacy / Virginity / Sexual Purity by the Anti Sexual Purity Gestapo – Sexual Compatibility or Incompatibility – (ie, Taking Human Beings For Test Spins – Humans As Sexual Commodities) (Part 2)