“Jesus Didn’t Die to Save My Hymen” Declares An Anti-Sexual Purity Advocate – My Response
I have addressed topics similar to this before on my blog, so instead of re-hashing all my previous points and arguments, I may just link you to a few of my older posts farther below.
(I should perhaps mention that I’ve had a long day today, am very tired, and currently have a bad headache, so I am not in top form to compose a post right now.)
Here’s the impetus behind this post:
I was reading through my Twitter feed today and saw a post where Janet Mefferd, Christian radio host, shared a comment about how an anti-Sexual Purity article Tweeted by Christian site ‘Relevant’ was Gnostic in nature, in that it talked about ‘sexual soul purity’ vs. ‘sexual bodily purity.’
You can read Mrs. Mefferd’s Tweet (Link): here, with some responses by me below it.
Where-upon an anti-Sexual Purity advocate I follow on Twitter by the name of April, shared Ms. Mefferd’s Tweet or another related Tweet by Mefferd with the comment above it, “Jesus didn’t die to save my hymen.”
You can view April’s tweet (Link): here.
I Tweeted in response to April the following comment:
Taking an anti-sexual purity stance waters down biblical sexual ethics. I’m over 40, still a virgin. @ April_Kelsey
Well, I don’t recall Ms. Mefferd or myself or anyone else who defends the concept of sexual purity, or who say the Bible does teach the concept of sexual purity, as saying that Jesus died to save your hymen.
However, the Bible does indicate, and Jesus and Paul affirm, that sex is to take place only within the confines of marriage between one man and one woman.
(Edit, Oct 7, 2016 – I received a response from April which you can view (Link): here, and I replied to her. She says she is not “anti sexual purity,” but I see her on a somewhat regular basis tweet against the concept when tweeting in criticism of Sexual Purity Culture.)
Some people choose to defy that teaching or standard and have sex prior to marriage anyhow. Some married couples commit adultery.
It is for sexual sins such as those, and more (of a non-sexual nature), for which Jesus was sacrificed by God on humanity’s behalf.
So, maybe Jesus didn’t die for your hymen specifically, but if you boinked around with your boyfriend before marriage, that fornication was one of many sins Jesus did in fact die for.
(Link): Is Premarital Sex a Sin? Bible Scholars Respond
Unfortunately, a lot of Anti-Sexual Purity Proponents like to conflate consensusal sex with sexual abuse, which I’ve discussed in older posts, such as this one:
(Link): Confusing Sexual Assault and Sexual Abuse with Consensual Sex and Then Condemning Sexual Purity Teachings – and other, related topics
They seem to feel that because some women victims of sexual abuse (such as rape) find sexual purity teachings difficult to deal with, uncomfortable, or awkward to listen to, that the solution is to ignore everything the Bible has to say about proper use of sexuality, and just not hold to any sexual standards at all. I disagree with that view, but because I’ve blogged on it in other posts, I won’t get into that here.
One of my biggest issues with this sort of Anti-Sexual Purity rhetoric is that it mocks or cheapens the choices and sexuality of adults such as myself. I am over 40 years of age and still a virgin, because I was waiting until marriage to have sex.
Every time the A.S.P. (Anti-Sexual Purity) Brigade gets on blogs, Twitter, forums, or Facebook Groups to slam and criticize “purity culture,” where they usually make light of virginity and celibacy, they care not that they are mocking, insulting, hurting, and offending people such as myself who are over the age of 25 and are sexually abstaining, due to personal convictions and other reasons.
The Anti-Sexual Purity movement has gotten so bad now in the last few years that those who support it not only mock and insult virginity and celibacy but also the adults who are virgins and celibates – they insult not just the concepts but the people who are living out sexual purity. They remain blind to this, or unmoved by this.
And yet, they want me to feel sorry for women who feel bad because they fornicated back in high school or college and at some point in their younger days heard a Sunday School class lecture that talked about sexual purity in terms of dirty water or used chewing gum? That is a double standard.
I have blogged on this topic a thousand times before, so I shall not belabor it here.
Here are a few older blog posts I’ve done on the subject, or articles by other people (all the following links are to posts on this blog – I have some concluding comments underneath this long list of links):
(Link): No Christians and Churches Do Not Idolize Virginity and Sexual Purity – Christians Attack and Criticize Virginity Sexual Purity Celibacy / Virginity Sexual Purity Not An Idol
(Link): Are You Ashamed of Biblical [Sexual] Purity? by J. Slattery
(Link): Preacher Mark Driscoll Disparages Virgins and Virginity (Again) – The Feelings of Fornicators Always Take Precedence With the Anti-Purity Culture, Anti-Slut- Shaming, and Pro- Cheap Grace Crowd
(Link): Slut Shaming and Virgin Shaming and Secular and Christian Culture – Dirty Water / Used Chewing Gum and the CDC’s Warnings – I guess the CDC is a bunch of slut shamers ?
(Link): Salon Author Amanda Marcotte Thinks Media Shouldn’t Judge Women’s Sexuality But She Has Mocked Women Over Their Sexual Choices Before (To Remain Virgins)
(Link): “‘I Kissed Dating Goodbye’ [Book] Told Me to Stay Pure Until Marriage. I Still Have a Stain on My Heart” – Regarding: Dating Book by Author Josh Harris (with other related links about the IKDG book) and Criticizing “Purity Culture”
(Link): Marcotte on Anyone Choosing To Be a Virgin Until Marriage: “It’s a Silly Idea” – What Progressive Christians, Conservative Christians, Non Christians, and Salon’s Amanda Marcotte Gets Wrong About Christian Views on Virginity
(Link): Self Control – everyone has it, is capable of it, but most choose not to use it (New Study Says Conservatives Have Better Self Control Than Liberals)
(Link): Virginity is a Sacred Choice, Not a Shameful Status by C. Martin / Giving Sex to a Man is Not A Guarantee for a Lasting Relationship – Contra Comic Chelsea Handler
(Link): Secular Liberal Author Doesn’t Think A Woman Choosing to Be Celibate is A Form of Feminism – Especially if Motivated in Part by Religious Convictions
(Link): Christians Who Attack Virginity Celibacy and Sexual Purity – and specifically Russell D. Moore and James M. Kushiner
(Link): Viral Virgin Brelyn Bowman Talks Purity Backlash From Christians, New Book ‘No Ring, No Ting’ (Interview)
(Link): When Adult Virginity and Adult Celibacy Are Viewed As Inconvenient or As Impediments
(Link): I Shouldn’t Need An Excuse To Be A Virgin – (Secular Editorial Defends Virginity – More Rare Than a Unicorn Sighting)
(Link): An Example of Mocking Adult Virginity Via Twitter (Virginity Used As Insult)
(Link): Celibate Shaming from an Anti- Slut Shaming Secular Feminist Site (Hypocrisy) Feminists Do Not Support All Choices
(Link): WashPost Columnist: ‘Ghostbusters’ Haters Are ‘Virgin Losers’ – (via NewsBusters Site); Both the Right and Left Wing Get Some things Wrong About This
(Link): Sometimes Shame Guilt and Hurt Feelings Over Sexual Sins Is a Good Thing – but – Emergents, Liberals Who Are Into Virgin and Celibate Shaming
(Link): The Christian and Non Christian Phenomenon of Virgin Shaming and Celibate Shaming
(Link): An Example of Mocking Adult Virginity Via Twitter (Virginity Used As Insult)
(Link): Anti Virginity Editorial by Christian Blogger Tim Challies – Do Hurt / Shame Feelings or Sexual Abuse Mean Christians Should Cease Supporting Virginity or Teaching About Sexual Purity
(Link): Why Are Young Feminists so Clueless About Sex? by M. Wente
(Link): Christian Double Standards on Celibacy – Hetero Singles Must Abstain from Sex but Not Homosexual Singles
(Link): How Christians Have Failed on Teaching Maturity and Morality Vis A Vis Marriage / Parenthood – Used as Markers of Maturity
(Link): Sex Regarded as Passage Into Adulthood
(Link): Douglas Wilson and Christian Response FAIL to Sexual Sin – No Body Can Resist Sex – supposedly – Re: Celibacy
(Link): A Grown-Up, Not Sexed-Up, View of Womanhood (article) – how Christian teachings on gender and singlehood contribute to raunch culture and fornication etc
(Link): Slut-Shaming Is Bad—But The Overreaction Against It Also Hurts Women by J. Doverspike
At any rate, if you want to get accurate, the way conservative Christians carry on in regards to the Nuclear Family, marriage, and the culture wars, you need to remind them that Jesus did not die to Save the Nuclear Family or to Redeem Fallen Secular Culture.
Jesus came to reconcile sinful individuals to God, and some of those individuals are guilty of sexual sins, such as having sex prior to marriage. Jesus didn’t die to save your hymen, but he did come to die for your sins, which may or may not include pre-marital sex, which can result in a broken hymen, if you are a female.
The older I get, I find I don’t care so much about other people’s sexual choices; if you chose to have extra-marital sex, I figure that’s your business, but where I draw the line are ex-Christians or theologically liberal Christians who want to argue things like ‘the Bible is silent about sexual ethics,’ or ‘God doesn’t care if you have sex prior to marriage’ and so on.
So, have sex outside of marriage if you choose, but don’t sit there and argue that the Bible does not prohibit that activity, or try to argue God is fine and dandy with pre-marital sex.
And please, stop shaming and criticizing the concepts of virginity and celibacy, because there are people out there, adults who are past the age of 25, who are sexually abstinent for whatever reason.
The full-scale condemnation of “purity culture” or of virginity or celibacy is insulting, hurtful, or offensive to some adult virgins or adult celibates.
(Link): Some Researchers Argue that Shame Should Be Used to Treat Sexual Compulsions
(Link): Abortion Widens the Gender Gap and Exploits Women – editorial via the Public Discourse Site
(Link): Why Progressive Christians Are Ineffective and Unpersuasive by P. Heck – Also: How Liberals Can Avoid Turning Off Right Wingers
(Link): Christian Preacher Admits He Won’t Preach About Sexuality For Fear It May Offend Sexual Sinners
(Link): Our Bodies Were Not Made for Sex by T. Swann
(Link): The Rebel Virgins and Desert Mothers Who Have Been Written Out of Christianity’s Early History by A. Mar
(Link): Christian TV Show Host Pat Robertson Disrespects Virginity – Says Pre-Marital Sex Is “Not A Bad Thing”
(Link): Emergent Christian Guy Says Christians Need to “Celebrate Pre Marital Sex” (Fornication)
(Link): Churches Would Rather Hear From Ex Porn Stars Than Adult Celibates or Virgins – Church Invites Ex Porn Star to be Guest Speaker
(Link): Christians Want to Hold Adulterers Accountable but Give Adult Single Fornicators a Pass
(Link): Why So Much Fornication (sex outside of marriage) – Because Christians Have No Expectation of Sexual Purity
(Link): Christian Stereotypes About Female Sexuality : All Unmarried Women Are Supposedly Hyper Sexed Harlots – But All Married Ones are Supposedly Frigid or Totally Uninterested in Sex
(Link): Christian Response FAIL to Sexual Sin – Easy Forgivism
(Link): More Virgin and Celibate Shaming in Article: How the New Abstinence Movement is Trying to Reshape Our Views on Sex (from Relevant Magazine) Another Christian Anti Virginity Hit Piece – Fornicators Need To Repent of Their Pride in their Fornication Testimonies Maybe?
(Link): Hypocrisy: Secular Pundits Judge Christian Sexuality: Josh Duggar’s So-Called Vanilla Sexual Preferences Deemed Dull
(Link): Sex, Love & Celibacy by Christian Author Dan Navin
(Link): Is Celibacy a Sin? The NYT Has a View – by W. Mead
(Link): Some Atheists Are Just As Ignorant About Adult Singleness and Celibacy as Progressive Christians, Secular Feminists, and Protestant Evangelical or Conservative Christians
(Link): More Than 40 Per Cent of Japan’s Adult Singles are Virgins, Says Study
(Link): Did Hell Freeze Over?: Liberal Rag Promotes Idea that Celibacy is Acceptable, and a Valid Life Choice / Re: 2016 Study Says Millennials Aren’t Having Much Sex
(Link): Woman Says She Refuses to Hook-up with Men ‘For Fun’ – Says Most Men She’s Met Are Willing to Wait
(Link): Young, Attractive, and Totally Not Into Having Sex by K McGowan
(Link): Bitter, Frustrated 22 Year Old Male Virgin [Elliot Rodger] Kills Several Women Because He Can’t Get Dates
(Link): A Teen Boy Tried To Kill Three Women “In Revenge” Because He Was A Virgin – felt that women “were the weaker” breed
(Link): Chris Harper Mercer (Oregon Gunman) Angry Over Being Single and A Virgin
(Link): Gonorrhea Super Strain Becoming ‘Untreatable’ (in the UK; may be heading to the USA) – 2015 story
(Link): The itchy truth about Tinder: 750,000 people on the dating app are infested with pubic lice, scientist warns
(Link): Secular Feminists: It Is Okay To Be A Slut But Not Dress Slutty For Halloween or for Companies to Sell Slutty Costumes -huh? Also: Wrong for men to objectify women but okay for women to objectify men -say what?
(Link): How Pre-Martial Sex Negatively Impacts People: The Incest Letter
(Link): Christians Assume All Adult Singles Are Porn Addicted Fornicating Horn Dogs
(Link): Fornication or Previous Marriages Can Negatively Impact Other Relationships Later – Another Example or Two (via Ask Amy, Hax)
(Link): Actor Allegedly Gives Girlfriend Herpes 1, Herpes 2, and Gonorrhea