Nice Guys Aren’t So Nice After All: Men in the “Friend Zone” Often Have A Hidden Agenda, Say Psychologists (Daily Mail article)
No kidding. I can’t believe someone had to do a study about it. Women have known this for ages.
Dec 20, 2016
By Cecile Borkhataria
- ‘Nice guys’ is usually made fun of for being unattractive, shy and clingy
- They don’t voice their feelings, instead hoping women will fall for their kindness
- But one psychologists suggest that nice guys in the friend zone aren’t actually that nice and ‘they feel entitled to women’, and are narcissists as a result
Many men in the ‘friend zone’ may seem kind, caring and affectionate – but one psychologist has warned they have a hidden agenda.
Dr Scott Kaufman says men with the ‘Nice Guy Syndrome’ who are often relegated to the friend zone often have a sense of entitlement, and so are likely to be narcissists.
‘A lot of nice guys who complain about being in the friend zone are not really that nice,’ Dr Kaufman, a professor at the Positive Psychology Center at the University of Pennsylvania told MailOnline.
‘They feel entitled to women – they are narcissists in nice guy’s clothing.
‘They think “well I’m friends with her, why won’t she sleep with me” and that’s not a very nice guy way of thinking.’
There are some exceptions, he says. ‘You also have a lot of really shy guys who aren’t trying to be manipulative but they’re scared of expressing their desire.
‘A lot of them don’t say anything and wait for it to happen.’
For men who find themselves relegated to the friend zone, Dr Kaufman recommends taking the plunge and being honest with their feelings.
‘If you have a girl that you’re attracted to and you have a romantic attraction to them, signal your attention right away and say “hey can I take you out for a coffee”.’
There is also research that suggests that couples aren’t likely to be friends first – so if people are attracted to someone, it may be best for them to avoid the ‘friendship first’ approach if they want to be liked back.
…Dr Robert Glover, a psychologist who wrote ‘No More Mr Nice Guy’, says that a nice guy’s primary goal is to make other people happy and that they’re guided by ‘covert contracts’ such as believing: ‘If I meet other people’s needs without them having to ask, then they will meet my needs without me having to ask.’
Because they believe they have kept their side of the ‘contract’, they often feel helpless and resentful when other people, and the world, don’t keep their side of the ‘contract’.