Jaded, Bitter, Entitled Sam The Single Man Claims that All Women Who Say “They Aren’t That Kind of Girl” Are Liars

Jaded, Bitter, Entitled Sam The Single Man Claims that All Women Who Say “They Aren’t That Kind of Girl” Are Liars

The guy who wrote this letter to ‘Ask Amy’ sounds like a bitter, cynical, entitled sexist ass-hat.

I for one “am not that kind of girl.” Women such as me do in fact exist. If you date me, and I turn down sex on the basis of, “I’m not that kind of girl,” I am speaking the truth.

I am over the age of 40 and still a virgin. Even though now my views on sex have relaxed, and I’d be willing to have sex prior to marriage, but not on a first date, or even a second date, but only within the context of a steady, committed relationship.

So yes, to you assh*le who wrote this letter to Ask Amy, “Sam,” some women are in fact “not that kind of girl” and do not have sex with a man they’ve just met.

I think you don’t want a steady relationship but a one-night stand, in which case, stop using dating sites like eHarmony, Yahoo Personals, or Match and stick with “Booty Call .com” or “Tindr,” which are designed specifically for casual sex, you idiot.


When two people first meet and the guy wants to have sex, why is it that many women say, “I am not that kind of girl, and I need to get to know you better“?

That is actually a big lie that women tell. After all, if the guy who wanted to have sex with them was George Clooney, it’s unthinkable that they would say, “I’m not that kind of girl.”

Every woman is “that kind of girl” with a select few men under the right circumstances.

Why can’t they just say: “I have enjoyed our evening, and, although I appreciate your sexual attraction toward me, I do not feel the same way; however, I wish you well in your future endeavors.”

What is wrong with saying something as honest and as heartfelt as that?

I call women on this all the time on dates, and they are speechless, because they know I have caught them in a lie. Suffice to say, I have no interest in a second date, and I move on.

– Sam from Los Angeles


If you approached this with more respectful humility and less angry swagger, you might — just possibly — get lucky. Maybe that’s how George Clooney does it.

You are probably correct that when women tell you “I’m not that kind of girl,” they are being disingenuous. They are politely trying to let you off the hook by giving you a version of, “It’s not you, it’s me.” You respond to this politeness by aggressively calling them out, immediately letting these women know they made the right choice. Whew!

And, by the way, many women are in fact “not those kinds of girls.” These are people who wait to know someone before they become sexually intimate. This wisdom protects them from complicated encounters with people like you.

—(end letter)—

You, Sam, sound like a bitter little troll who is just butt-hurt that women don’t find you attractive or nice enough to have sex with on a first date. Get over it, loser.

And some of those women may in fact be reluctant to have sex on a first date with ANY man, even with actor George Clooney, so go suck a rock, you entitled, arrogant, weird little sexist, entitled creep.

Here were a few decent comments people left under that letter on the page:

LW #1: This is ridiculous and wrong on many levels. . If one of my favorite celebrities invited me to a date, I would enjoy being with them, listening to them, talking to them, looking at them.

Maybe exchanging a kiss on the cheek. Everything else more than that is pointless because people are not that different under the covers. The true pleasure is in the intellectual contact before that.

Regarding what LW wishes women would say, they may feel attracted to him but want to wait because men tend to not call a woman who sleeps with them on the first date. Or, they do call but only for sex, not for a meaningful relationship.

by wendy

Hey Sam, the women can probably smell you being a nut job with issues. That is why you can’t get any. Loser.

by Julee M

This is for “Sam from Los Angeles”. Women are saying they want to get to know you better. Some women may be attracted to you immediately, but would still like to get to know you better before having sex.

For some women it actually takes time to figure out whether or not they are attracted to a guy, and getting to know a person is the process they use to make this determination.

The process can be gradual for some women, and is not always immediate (depending on the person). A woman may NOT want to write you off at the end of the first date, but may instead want to see you a few times to figure out if the mix of interests/attraction, etc., is something she wants to pursue and open up to a sexual relationship.

It used to be people dated several times before hopping into bed together. Once upon a time this was a given. Most folks didn’t sleep w/ someone after the first date.

As it happens, for many women, sex is not as “on demand” as it is for men.
My suggestion is if YOU only want to sleep with women after you’ve met them once, why don’t YOU be honest with the person and tell her that up front before going out?

It would limit the wasted evenings you seem to have spent thinking there will be a sexual payoff at the end of the night. I’m sure there must be dating sites for sexual hook-ups and nothing else. Why not concentrate on them and leave the sites where people are interested in relationships alone until you are ready for that?

By Anon in response to Julee

You were dead on, but way nicer to this jerk than I would have been. How dare he expect a strange woman to have sex with him and then decide she’s a liar when she says she’s not that kind of girl?! I absolutely agree that these women made the right decision!

Sam, stop going on dates, and start paying prostitutes . That’s what you actually want.

by MidnightRoseXO

Uh, Sam? Your attitude towards women is what is keeping you from getting any, sorry to say. No, most women are NOT lying when they tell you that.

I bet you also think “no” means “yes,” don’t you?

I doubt you have to worry about second dates, since all you are after is the one-nighter anyway. You are the kind of guy women avoid after one encounter.

by Kelly H

There are women (men too) who will pick & choose based on $. Just as there are ppl who will sleep with someone on the 1st date.

However, the majority isn’t like that. M husband had a friend (had known since childhood) who was a lot like Sam. He offered to drive me home from hospital after my hysterectomy bcuz my husband was at work.

When we got to the house he asked me to have sex w him. When I said I wasn’t interested in him & I was married (to his friend) he flipped & then said I was making excuses becuz I got it in my head that my surgery made me not want sex.

I said that had nothing to do with it but even if he wanted to bring that into equation that I wasn’t even allowed for 6 wks (trying to get him to shut up & leave). The idiot actually argued that my Dr didn’t know what he was saying, a hysterectomy had no bearing on my sex life.

Dude, go away. Men like this will verbally abuse any situation to make themselves right & to feel justified. (some women are the same) but no one has the right to pressure anyone. And if he didn’t mean it as pressure, he needs to learn tack and manners or he will never get lucky (w/o paying for it).

Well Doug,
Some women have so much self respect that they wouldn’t care about the money. For me, a celebrity is one “group” that will NEVER get in my pants. Even before I was married. Why would I want someone who has slept with thousands of “groupies”? I say no thanks to that dirty ditch.

by Xoinks

Sam –
I dated someone (briefly) like you once when I was 17. It was unfathomable to him that I was a virgin, and he spent most of the short time we were dating conjuring up perceived slights he could hold against me.

Example: “If I got pregnant by another man when I went to college, he’d be mad but he’d marry me anyways – because no woman would make it through college and still be a virgin.”

Because, you know, I didn’t outwardly match what he thought, there was no way that HE was wrong.

I’m now happily married 10 years to someone who isn’t a psycho, by the way.

Long and short here, sex is not an immediate requirement of attraction. You are acting as though if someone declines sex, they are saying they aren’t interested in you.

And worse, you’re somehow saying that because you’re interested in them, they -owe- you sex because they may or may not be willing to have sex with someone else.

Some of us date to look for a long-term partner, and some of us prefer to get to know someone before jumping in bed with them. Until you stop forcing your own warped and twisted sense of justice on others for not behaving exactly like YOU want, then you’re going to keep having women look at you dumbfounded.

I assure you, not because you caught them in a “lie”, as you presume, but because you are bat$%&t crazy

Several people commented in response to a post by a guy named J.S. Robillard  who sounds a lot like Sam.

Here is what they said to that guy:

by Midnight Rose XO

George Clooney also has a wife, which would make him off limits to me, no matter what kind of hypothetical offer he made. Sam is an idiot.

by wig

Wow. I feel sorry for you. I really wasn’t “that kind of girl.” I had my choice of men, and needed to get to know them way before I would be sexually involved.

Some of the really good looking ones would ditch me for the easy girls, and some would stay and put in the time.

You fool yourself and also cheat yourself when you believe that it is all about money and looks.

A quality girl isn’t about that….even if she is beautiful. This is about your insecurity. I always fell for the confident, smart guy, whether he had money or looks. A chip on the shoulder was the first reason to ditch a guy.

Physically attractive isn’t a deal maker or breaker. Self confidence, kindness, consideration, and attentiveness are all learned traits, and make any guy more attractive. Guys who think it is all about looks are missing at least the self confidence piece.

by Birdy C (in reply to another sexist, obnoxous comment by J.S. Robillard in the comment section)

You’re full of carp. I divorced an attorney (after helping put him through law school and just as it was starting to pay off big time).

Could’ve had plenty of money and “things” if I’d stayed with him, but he wasn’t kind, compassionate, thoughtful, etc.

All the things my second husband is. We don’t have the kind of $$ (money) I’d have had if I’d stayed married to the lawyer, but we have two wonderful kids and a good life together. I wouldn’t trade what I have now for all the money in the world.

comment by History Prof

Yeah, Sam sounds like a real charmer (not.) So let me get this straight, you’re asking women for sex on the first date? And you’re pissed when they politely refuse by saying they are “not that kind of girl?”

Then you verbally attack them for lying? You’re kinda rapey, you know. Get a clue. You don’t push a woman into having sex with you. Slow down and learn some manners, you jerk.

by Anion

A woman might be “that kind of girl” with George Clooney because we know he’s not going to stick around. When we go out with a normal man, we hope he might, so we don’t rush into things physically; we usually like to get to know men a little more before getting physical. And as Amy says, your nastiness is one of the reasons why.

by Ken Chin

My dear Sam,

Really now, you are getting upset because women don’t want to have sex with you on the first or second date. And why should they? Every person has a right to have sex with whomever they wish whenever they want.

There could be women who are very attracted to you who simply don’t want to blow it by having sex with you. They want to give you time to have feelings for them. Thus they want to wait.

If you are impatient and looking for a sex buddy, not a girlfriend, then there are women who will be willing to do that. You can find them in bars, ads, well, a hookup can be found anywhere.

As for George Clooney, I am sure he got a lot of “no” answers at the beginning of relationships because the women wanted to be seen as potential girlfriends… not f#$k buddies. You have to decide what you want.

 by bailey girl

Sam probably thinks that renting a dvd and running off to the bedroom afterwards with his unwashed sheets to be a date.

Sadly I know for a fact that he’s not the only guy out there who expects sex on a 1st date. Is that the type of woman they would want to take home to meet the family or bear his children?

And fyi, no I never settled for a dvd as a date but I know some naive young women who do. They don’t realize that they’re being used as a “friends with benefits”. Sam needs to try shopping at Tinder.

by yawbus

“I call women on this all the time on dates, and they are speechless, because they know I have caught them in a lie. Suffice to say, I have no interest in a second date, and I move on.”

Trust me, dude, they have no interest in a second date, either.

by guesty

Framing a simple white lie, intended to spare his feelings, as some indication of severe dishonestly makes the LW sound like a total psycho.

There are plenty of times when people (especially recent acquaintances) are allowed small untruths in order to be polite. Yes, Mary, these cookies are delicious! Nice speech, Bob! Lovely dress, woman-who-is-getting-married! How is this confusing to anyone who has any type of social grace?

Besides, a lot of guys (likely including the LW) have negative and threatening reactions when they are rejected. In addition to politeness, women also spare men’s feelings so that they can escape the situation easier.

by Brenda

Sam is meeting the wrong kind of girl…for him. If all he wants is sex, maybe he should just forego the whole ‘date’ thing and just find someone just to have sex with…but methinks he is also cheap and doesn’t want to spend money. I’m betting that these ‘dates’ he does go on are dutch.

by One Lucky Kid (in reply to Brenda)

Sam is under the impression that a date is quid pro quo, that buying dinner entitles him to sex. It does not.

Second he has no grasp of the seriousness that most women approach sex with.  His comment that “All girls are that kind of girl” is absolute bull.

Most women do NOT have sex on the first or second or even third date, until there’s a chance to know something of a man’s character and history, what kind of human being he is.

Women don’t order a plate of pasta and then immediately feel that it means that they must flail their legs around for the guy who paid for it.

Intimate, caring relationships may take several dates, or much longer. That doesn’t mean to woman is a LIAR if she’s waiting to see how she feels about the man.

Sam doesn’t even get it that, with sex can come STDs (FATAL ONES), pregnancy, and serious emotional involvement, so many women DO take plenty of time in getting to know a partner before having sex.

Many women don’t have sex before marriage, or engagement.

This Sam guy has no clue about women at all. Worst, instead of developing an intimate connection with the women he dates, he has the gall to be resentful and angry at his dates for not “complying” and coughing up sex for him by the 1st or 2nd meeting.

I mean angry! “What about ME, you lying women? What about me??!!”

Sam needs to get one of those blow-up dolls who will comply with his demands whenever he wants, and he won’t have to buy her dinner. He can just throw her in the closet when he’s done. Or Sam could find a professional sex worker, and visit whenever.

Related Posts:

(Link):   Woman Says She Refuses to Hook-up with Men ‘For Fun’ – Says Most Men She’s Met Are Willing to Wait