Is FACEBOOK to blame for the rise in extramarital affairs?

Facebook may not be the blame, neither is the internet. The blame simply lies in the individual that chooses to utilize our new-found vehicles of social networking.

…When put in the wrong hands, the Internet supports marriage-destroying habits such as pornography addiction, sexual addiction, and infidelity. So, the question is not whether Facebook is to blame, but what can we do to address already existing issues and conflict within the marriage?

3 Reasons Spouses commit FACEBOOK Affairs

First of all, let’s be clear, Facebook is not the cause of marriage failure or extramarital affairs! Facebook is not the reason spouses cheat! However, Facebook and other social networking communities have created a means for accessibility and privacy.

Easy Access

Lack of Boundaries

Refusal to take Responsibility

Remember, Facebook is not responsible for extramarital affairs, people are.

(end excerpt)

Here are a few comments left by people under the article at Relevant by Carter:

Comment by Josh Poland:

Go read the FB comments on this piece. This is terrible advice. All the critiques I’m about to list have been posted by others:

1. This treats others as temptations instead of brothers and sisters
2. If you have to stop texting in order to stay faithful, you might have bigger problems in your marriage than who you are texting
3. Infidelity does begin much sooner than sex, but having conversations with members of the opposite sex that your spouse isn’t privy to isn’t the gateway to infidelity, its called being social.
4. This is over-simplified, legalistic thinking that doesn’t do anything other than pander to immature fears
5. People in constant communication might have a legitimate reason to be talking other than infidelity
6. Managing behavior won’t change the desires of the heart

 by Justin McLachlan:

I’m sorry, but the “slippery slope” argument is trash. Why don’t you just lock yourself in a bubble if you can’t trust yourself to even COMMUNICATE with someone whom you may or may not have a sexual attraction to?

Is this really the kind of life you’d want to lead? One where you view yourself as so incapable of maintaining your own promises to another human being (fidelity in marriage) that you have to abscond from even the most rudimentary forms of human interaction with other people?

Do you understand how you sound? Is that the kind of person you want to be? One so untrustworthy, so out of control, so immature, that you can’t be trusted at all? That’s what you’re saying.

Christians need to stop relying on each other for sex advice if this the standard for it. Because this is stupid, to say the least.

Aaron James Thomas commented…

I never comment on articles, but this advice is just bad. This is sugarcoated legalism and has absolutely no Christ-like basis to it.

Merry Rebecca commented…

Everything about this thought process and attitude explains why I feel so awkward around Christian couples, when I can’t even so much blink at the husband without having both of them read way too much into it.

I have also dated Christian guys who exhibited this sort of controlling behavior.

I once had a boyfriend who flipped out because a man at church who was twice my age began a conversation with me. Man was simply being nice, but boyfriend wouldn’t leave my side at church after that and would even wait for me outside the restroom – not because he was concerned for my safety, but because he was jealous.

I still get stressed out thinking about it. Just the thought of being in a marriage carried out in this way makes me cringe. When people cease to be people and become Members of The Opposite Sex or Someone Who Could Potentially Cheat On Me Or My Spouse, or think that your spouse needs all communication monitored like a child, you really gotta ask yourself if you’re ready to be in a relationship.

Adam Hendricks commented…

This is moral trolling. The author can’t possibly be serious, unless he is a religious fanatic. Cheating is not caused by men and women interacting. It’s caused by both parties involved having a desire to cheat. Stop trying to throw an electronic burka over women who may want to text their male coworkers on completely professional issues or male friends on completely harmless things.

Josh Colletta commented…

What kind of absolute NONSENSE is this? Interacting with the opposite sex is not cheating, nor does it inherently LEAD TO cheating.

My best friend is a woman I’ve known since our sophomore year in high school (we’re in our early 30’s now). We talk all the time.

She’s not cheating on her husband with me in any way. In fact, the three of us have even talked about exactly this, and we’re all in total agreement: I am no threat to their marriage whatsoever. I would expect my future wife to be able to come to the same understanding as my best friend’s husband has. This whole argument is asinine.

(click here to read the article and the rest of the comments at the bottom of that article)

Related Posts, on another blog:

(Link): Singles are Marginalized in the Church Because the Church has Placed Too Much Emphasis on Sex

Related Posts, this blog:

(Link):  Affairs Don’t Start with Texts – via guest authors at Tim’s blog

(Link): Think The “Billy Graham Rule” Would Have Saved Tullian? Think Again… (Billy Graham rule has all Christians treating single adult women as though they are harlots who cannot be trusted)

(Link):  The Islamic Billy Graham Rule – Unmarried Muslim People Are Punished For Being Alone Together

(Link):  Hey Ed Stetzer: Opposite Gender Friendships Are Not Sinful – Ed Stetzer’s Advice: “Avoid Any Hint” – More Like: Re Enforce UnBiblical Stereotypes About Men, Women, Sex, and Singles

(Link):   How the Sexual Revolution Ruined Friendship – Also: If Christians Truly Believed in Celibacy and Virginity, they would stop adhering to certain sexual and gender stereotypes that work against both

(Link):  Pervy Preacher from Seattle who teaches men “to objectify women, by his over emphasis of sexualization of women and subservience” (Re Driscoll) 

(Link):  Brotherly Love: Christians and Male-Female Friendships

(Link):  Christians Overly Fond of the BGR / How I Learned to Stop Worrying About the Billy Graham Rule and Love Like Jesus by T. Grigg

(Link):  Non-Romantic Nearness, The Billy Graham Rule, and Pope John Paul’s Friendship With a Married Woman

(Link):  Patriarchy tends to sexualize all male / female relationships (article via Junia Project blog)

(Link):  Relationships Of Welcome, Not Fear (Re: How Sexist Christian Views Marginalize and Isolate Adult, Single Women and Maintain Other Stereotypes About Adult Singles)

(Link):  Jesus Christ was not afraid to meet alone with known Prostitutes / Steven Furtick and Elevation Church Perpetuating Anti Singles Bias – ie, Single Women are Supposedly Sexual Temptresses, All Males Can’t Control Their Sex Drives – (but this view conflicts with evangelical propaganda that married sex is great and frequent)

(Link): Reclaiming Stolen Friendships – a blog post criticizing the Sexist, Anti – Singles Christian Billy Graham Rule

(Link):  Topics: Friendship is Possible / Sexualization By Culture Of All Relationships