Dear Abby: Parents Stole my Child Support Cash
Many times, conservative Christians and my fellow social conservatives and right wingers like to insist that parenthood (and marriage) is necessary to ‘fix’ culture or to make people more mature, responsible, and godly.
Problem is, parenthood and marriage does not necessarily make anyone more mature, ethical, and so on, than someone who is single, who never marries, or who never has children.
On this blog, I have link after link (in (Link): other posts on the blog) showcasing numerous real-life examples of married people and/or parents who cheat on each other, abuse children, get arrested for child porn, for soliciting prostitutes, for murdering their spouses or kids, and on and on.
There is nothing intrinsic in the state of being married or being a parent that makes a person more likely to be responsible, mature, or loving. If that were so, Jesus Christ would not have said that humanity’s problem is sin (Jesus Christ did not cite being single and childless as the cause of problems in the world).
To the woman who wrote this letter: your parents are dishonest slime balls who cannot be trusted. If or when you can, break off contact with them! Your parents are toxic and don’t care about you or your needs.
DEAR ABBY: My parents and I were always close. However, recently they stole my debit card, my PIN and child support check. They forged my signature and spent the entire check, which was more than $1,000.
I am always lending them money. I have never said no when they needed it.
To top it off, they lied to me about the check for an entire month. I only found out when I turned the fraud in to the bank and heard it was my parents who had committed it.
Now my account is frozen and I am wiped out. I have two kids and one on the way, and recently I lost my job.
My mother keeps trying to make me feel guilty for turning them in and doesn’t understand why I am mad. I am having trouble forgiving them. I am just so angry. Should I forgive them, or do I have the right to be mad?
— FORGIVE OR FORGET IN MICHIGAN
DEAR FORGIVE OR FORGET: One of the hallmarks of abusers is that they try to make their victims think the abuse was in some way their own fault.
Your mother fully understands why you are angry. You must not allow her to make you feel guilty. Your parents stole from you and their grandchildren. They appear to have no conscience.
Now you know what they are capable of, it is important that you keep your distance from them, or they’ll do it again.
(Link): “Who is my mother and who are my brothers?” – one of the most excellent Christian rebuttals I have seen against the Christian idolatry of marriage and natalism, and in support of adult singleness and celibacy – from CBE’s site
(Link): How Christians Have Failed on Teaching Maturity and Morality Vis A Vis Marriage / Parenthood – Used as Markers of Maturity Or Assumed to be Sanctifiers – Also: More Hypocrisy – Christians Teach You Need A Spouse to Be Purified, But Also Teach God Won’t Send You a Spouse Until You Become Purified