Dude Writes to Miss Manners Advice Columnist: “Miss Manners: No one Ever Replies to Me on Dating Sites”
WARNING. The following post contains “Adult” language
Before I paste the letter from the single guy to Miss Manners in (farther below), let me say this:
Let me explain to you clueless men out there the REAL reason women do not send you a polite rejection letter when you message them on dating sites:
Because 98% of men out there, men of all ages on dating sites, do NOT handle rejection gracefully, but with insults laced with profanity (and often drenched with sexism), no matter HOW POLITELY and GENTLY the woman turns the dude down.
In the past, when I was on dating sites more often, and I would politely reply to a guy who winked at me or messaged me on a dating site and said to him something polite such as, “Thank you for your interest, but after looking over your profile, I don’t think we’re compatible, but I hope you meet someone of your liking very soon!”
And for that trouble, the guy in question would reply thusly to me (this was a typical reply I’d get from men whom I turned down gently – this was not an exception, but a general rule):
“Fuck you! I didn’t like you any way. You are a fat, ugly cow.
I see from your profile you work as an ‘X’, your career is in “Z” field. I bet you only make $40,000 a year, which is not a lot.
Well, I am a 6 ft 4 inch hunk of man, I stay in shape, I am sexy, I work as a ritzy investment banker and make $250,000 a year!
I own a Porsche and a BMW. I go skiing in the Alps twice a year. I have met Bruce Springsteen in person TWICE and got his autograph.
Any woman would want me. You are a stupid slut for turning me down! Go fuck yourself, and I hope you get raped!!”
Yep, that is the usual reply a woman gets on dating sites when she turns a guy down, even if she is super sweet in how she goes about it.
I often wonder why these assholes bother “winking” at me, or messaging me on these sites, in the first place, when, after I reject them, they shoot back with, “You’re an ugly bitch.”
Well, my dear, my photos are in plain site on my profile, and if you felt I was an ugly bitch the whole time, why did you bother to flirt with me? If you don’t consider a woman nice, smart, and pretty in the first place, then do NOT message her on this site, you moron.
To those types of men in real life and on dating sites: You sore loser. Grow up. Learn to handle rejection better and with aplomb, instead of lashing out at women who aren’t interested. YOU RUDE LOSER.
DEAR MISS MANNERS:
I am a male member of a popular dating website. When I read the profile of someone I’d like to meet, I write them a personalized letter pointing out some of our common interests, adding a bit of levity where I can, suggesting we meet for coffee and conversation. These letters generally run from five to eight sentences. In other words, I’ve put some effort into it.
I rarely receive any response. Since we are both members of this group seeking the same goal — companionship — doesn’t social etiquette require some acknowledgment of receipt and a response?
Even if there is no interest on their part, what is so difficult in responding, “Thank you for your interest. While I enjoyed reading your profile, I do not see us as a couple. Best of luck in your search“?
I think it’s very rude to ignore someone’s personal communication to you. Jane Austen would be aghast at the behavior of her gender in the 21st century!
Do you think so?
Could you be confusing her with Lady Catherine de Bourgh, who allows no room for context when she issues directives?
The Miss Austen that Miss Manners knows is uncannily alert to the subtleties in any social situation. She gave ample evidence of being familiar with the tendency of eligible ladies to put themselves forward, as well as that of eligible gentlemen to examine the field.
Still, there is a significant difference between an Assembly at Bath and a flier that is advertising goods to the general public. Online solicitations, where no response need be made if there is no interest, are equivalent to the latter.
Although your tactful wording could serve as a model for rejecting an acquaintance, there is really no charming way, other than silence, to express, “I can’t imagine that it would be worth my while to meet you.”
(Link): Love-Sick Teenager Who Won’t Take No For an Answer is Finally Shut Down by his Ex-Girlfriend’s FATHER in an Epic Text Exchange – Men of All Ages Need To Learn to Handle Rejection and to Respect Other People’s Boundaries in Dating
(Link): Testosterone-Deficient Gamma Male Whines About the ‘Friend Zone’ (post from The Other McCain) – AKA, Ugly, Fat, Weird, Awkward, or Poor Nice Guys Who Unrealistically Expect to Attract Rich, Pretty, Thin, Socially Normal Women