Dating Sites: In Defense of Ghosting: It’s a Valuable Dating Tool, Not a Problem to Be Fixed by T. Amini

Dating Sites:  In Defense of Ghosting: It’s a Valuable Dating Tool, Not a Problem to Be Fixed by T. Amini

(Link): Dating Sites:  In Defense of Ghosting: It’s a Valuable Dating Tool, Not a Problem to Be Fixed by T. Amini

Ghosting is everywhere, and dating apps (Link): are desperate to put an end to this disappearing act. But ghosting doesn’t need a solution — it is the solution.

If you didn’t already know before plunging into the deep, dark depths that is online dating, you certainly learned quickly thereafter: dating is a numbers game. And when you’re messaging with what turns out to be your third lamest match of the day, ghosting becomes a necessary tool to manage the exhaustion that is mining through the hundreds of (probably boring) people at your fingertips.

…. So when someone doesn’t chat you back, the rejection isn’t necessarily personal. It’s cheesy but it’s true: It’s not you, it’s them. You’re not a fit, and that’s okay.

…Ghosting isn’t unique to the online world. We’ve done it countless times in person, it just doesn’t seem as pointed. “If you were at a party full of single people and chatted briefly to someone before pausing to chat to another, and then turned back to discover the first person had disappeared, you probably wouldn’t think too much of it — after all, it’s a big party and you’re all there to mingle,” a 45-year-old single writer who uses a combination of Tinder, Happn and Bumble told me.

Speaking briefly with someone in person does not imply an investment, and neither does an online greeting. You haven’t met, you can barely remember this person’s name without going back to check their profile, and you’ve made no promises or commitments.

….There are, of course, scenarios where ghosting is bad. If you’ve been dating someone — even casually — for a chunk of time, for instance. But when you’re just chatting, gauging who the hell this person even is? When you haven’t even committed to a first date? It’s not rude — it’s just part of the process. It’s “expected,” as the 29-year-old said.

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