My Parents Excluded Me When I Was Single — Now They’re Doing It to My Sister (Ask Amy Column)

My Parents Excluded Me When I Was Single — Now They’re Doing It to My Sister (Ask Amy Column)

(Link): My parents excluded me when I was single — now they’re doing it to my sister (Ask Amy column)

DEAR AMY: I am a 35-year-old woman. I live in the same town as my parents.

My sister lives nearby. She married young, while I traveled and enjoyed the single life.

My parents spent a lot of time with my sister and her husband. They shared dinners, vacations and holidays. I have generally not been invited or included, as these were “couple things,” though I fail to see how Christmas is a “couples-only” event.

I usually just made other plans, and so now I have a great network of friends I spend special occasions with, and consider them family.

Here’s the issue: My sister is now getting divorced, and I am now in a steady relationship.

All of a sudden, the invites are flowing in from my parents. It’s nice to be asked, but the thing is, I don’t really feel any desire to go.

Am I being mean if I don’t accept their invitations? An occasional dinner is OK, but for big holidays I would rather go see the same people I have being seeing for the last 20 years.

[Signed]

Ms. Suddenly Popular

DEAR POPULAR: Declining your parents’ invitations isn’t necessarily mean, although when you do so, you are deliberately refusing an opportunity to connect with them.

On the other hand, not being invited to family gatherings (including important holidays) because you are single … now, that’s also mean.

I’m not a big fan of using “couples-only” labels as an excuse to exclude people. As a veteran single gal, being the only “party-of-one” was no big deal. Like you, I was happy to be with the people that were happy to include me, whether my date was a tall, dark stranger or a full-bodied Merlot.

You don’t mention how your parents are handling your sister’s divorce. Is she still welcome at these events, even though she is no longer part of a couple? I certainly hope so.

Your folks shouldn’t be too surprised if you’re not itching to spend time with them now. Think of this as an opportunity to reach out to your sister. She is going to see how disheartening it can be to experience loss on many fronts.


Related Posts:

(Link):   34 Year Old Single Woman Harassed by Relatives at Wedding Over Why She Is Not Married Yet Asks How To Get Them to STFU About Her Singleness

(Link):   Mom Is Ashamed of 30-Something Daughters Who’ve Never Been Married or Dated

(Link):   Dad Buys Full-Page $900 Newspaper Ad Seeking a Wife for His 48 Year Old, Never Married Son

(Link):  Singles Shaming Mother: Her Sons are in their 30s, Great Guys, But She’s Freaking Because They’re Not Married (letter to Hax columnist)

(Link):  Middle Aged, Single Christian Guy’s Long, Picky Girlfriend Wanted Ad on Craig’s List

(Link): Never Married 38 Year Old Christian Guy Wants to Know Why Churches Treat Him Like a Freak 

(Link):  Idiot Assumes His 44 Year Old Sister Is A Lesbian Because She’s Never Been Married

(Link):  Never-Married Men Over 40: Date-able or Debate-able?

(Link):  How Sorry Do We Feel for the Lonesome Single Bachelors of New York? by T. Moore (never married men in their 40s talk about being tired of being single)

(Link): First Time Marriage for Man and Woman Both Over Age 40

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s