Why We Should Stop Telling Teens The “Friend Zone” Exists by M. Mercado
The following comes from a site that appears to be somewhat left wing in nature. As you may recall, I am moderately right wing, so I am not in total agreement with all views and presuppositions on this page, but I’d say I agree with about 98% of the views on this page:
(Link): Why We Should Stop Telling Teens The “Friend Zone” Exists by M. Mercado
…. The “friend zone” has fallen time and time again under the heading of (Link): “Things I’ve Had Mansplained To Me.” It’s just one of the many complicated ways we’re taught to view relationships between men and women: Men and women (Link): “can’t be friends.” Men and women (Link): “can’t eat dinner alone together.”
It’s worth noting that the phrase “men and women can’t be friends” is often shorthand for “men and women can’t be friends because one of them is going to want to ~*get freaky*~ with the other and that ruins everything.”
…The “friend zone” insinuates that (Link): sex and relationships are transactional. It implies that if you do a certain number of nice favors or just believe yourself to be good, kind person, you are owed something in return. But let’s be very clear about this: Nothing entitles you to sex. Nothing entitles you to a relationship.
Good deeds are not redeemable tokens, and human beings are not prizes to be won. The only thing that means someone is going to have sex with you is if they are currently and enthusiastically saying, “I agree we are going have sex!”
The mentality that certain things make you “more deserving” of sex and romantic relationships (Link): perpetuates rape culture.
….[The View is] Rooted In Sexism
When we look at conversations about who is putting who in the “friend zone,” it is typically (again, if not almost exclusively) a man being “friend zoned” by a woman. From (Link): TV and movies to (Link): books to (Link): candid photos of actual people, men “doing boyfriend-y things” for women who seem to not be seeking a romantic relationship are thought to exemplify the “friend zone.”
As this piece from (Link): Everyday Feminism puts it, “Why are [women] shamed for their desire to remain friends while the other person’s desire to pursue a relationship generates empathy?” What if the conversation were reversed? What if instead of men being “friend zoned,” women are the ones who are (Link): “girlfriend zoned”?
By saying that women “put” men in the friend zone, our language implicates women: The “friend zone” is something women do to men. Arguably, seeing a female friend only as a potential girlfriend and having expectations that a relationship should necessarily become something romantic is something men “put” on women. Is it not equally, if not more, possible that being “put” in the friend zone is something you do to yourself?
(Link): Love-Sick Teenager Who Won’t Take No For an Answer is Finally Shut Down by his Ex-Girlfriend’s FATHER in an Epic Text Exchange – Men of All Ages Need To Learn to Handle Rejection and to Respect Other People’s Boundaries in Dating
(Link): Nice Guys Aren’t So Nice After All: Men in the “Friend Zone” Often Have A Hidden Agenda, Say Psychologists (Daily Mail article)