Fellow Conservatives Politicizing Mother’s Day, Unfortunately, and Mocking Those Who Find the Holiday Painful
I am right wing, as you know if you’ve been to my blog before, and I explain this on my blog’s About page.
I don’t have a problem with marriage, motherhood, or women who chose to marry and have children. My values are pretty much still traditional in nature.
My mother died several years ago, and for years afterwards, Mother’s Day was a very hard day for me to get through.
Now, even though I’m over my mother’s death, that doesn’t mean I lack compassion for those who still find it a hard holiday to navigate, whether it’s because their mother died, they are infertile, or whatever the reason.
Hence, I am not going to say, “It’s easy for me to deal with Mother’s Day now in spite of my loss, so others out there who object to it should just suck up their pain and get over it, too.”
That’s a very callous attitude to have, and I was still being confronted with such an attitude even within the first few years after my Mom’s passing, when my grief was at its deepest.
While I do not have a problem with traditional values, marriage, and motherhood, I do have a very large issue with conservatives who place an over-emphasis upon those things.
And my fellow conservatives very much do in fact put way too much emphasis upon those things, to the point, some have turned the nuclear family, motherhood, children, or marriage into idols.
Jesus Christ taught that nobody was to love their mother, children, or other family more than Himself (see Matthew 10:37), but I see Christians violate this teaching of Christ’s constantly.
I was at a right wing political site, and one of the bloggers there chose to feature a link to an editorial by a Christian woman who who was merely seeking to remind others of how painful Mother’s Day can be for many people – especially for women who experienced loss, such as women with deceased mothers, women who have had miscarriages, and so forth.
If I recall correctly, the woman’s editorial also pointed out that a woman does not have to be a mother to have purpose, worth, and value, which is entirely true, but one would not know that from the way motherhood has been over-emphasized in Christian culture and among some secular conservatives, especially by Christians who promote a teaching called “gender complementarianism.”
The conservative author who started the blog post mocked and ridiculed the concept of “triggering,” because he’s under the false impression, apparently, that anyone who has a problem with Mother’s Day demands trigger warnings or is a too-sensitive liberal.
The majority of Christian culture, certainly among Baptists and Protestant evangelicals, behave as though a woman’s only godly role in life, or most high calling, is to marry and have children – in spite of the fact that the Bible teaches no such thing.
The Bible, as a matter of fact, under the teachings of Jesus and Paul, downplay parenthood and marriage and points to a spiritual kinship as of being more import than biological ties.
That is to say, God places more importance on spiritual ties among all self-professing believers in Christ than he does in the nuclear family.
Also sad to say that many of the right wingers leaving comments under said blog post at the political blog chose to automatically assume that anyone who believes that Mother’s Day should be toned down was bitter, hateful, wanted to see Mother’s Day completely abolished, or was a liberal, or a social justice warrior.
I for one do not expect or want to see Mother’s Day holiday totally abolished. If people want to celebrate this holiday, that is more than fine with me.
However, I am opposed to Mother’s Day being celebrated or prominently featured within church services, where everyone present is a captive audience, and not everyone present is comfortable with Mother’s Day.
Mother’s Day is not a Bible-sanctioned or biblically- endorsed holiday – it is a secular holiday, one that does cause many people pain.
The Bible does not call, demand, or ask churches to single out only one group for honor, whether that one group is mothers, fathers, grandmothers, cousins, or uncles.
I am in large agreement with this post:
(Link): 6 Reasons Not to Celebrate Mother’s Day in Worship Services
A few people who left comments under this political blog’s post – the one that that was lambasting an essay by a Christian woman that was critical of Mother’s Day because of the unintentional hurt it may cause others – remarked they had lost their mother, or their family members had suffered miscarriages, and so they found Mother’s Day very painful.
The reaction from my fellow conservatives to those personal testimonies was to mock those people.
Some of the attitudes on display by self-professing conservatives towards the hurting in that comments section were very vitriolic, mean-spirited, and hateful.
If someone tells you they find Mother’s Day painful because their mother died, or their wife had a miscarriage, the only appropriate response is to tell them you are sorry. Period. End of story.
The incorrect response is to insult the person or accuse him or her of being a “snow flake,” a kill-joy, bitter, or a liberal.
In short, I find behavior of the conservative commentators at that political site, and this entire dismissal of people’s pain from a holiday (does anyone really need mother’s day? No, they do not) to be the height off ass-hole-ery.
To pick on people over finding Mother’s Day hurtful – because they are infertile, or their mother was abusive or is dead – is a complete, total, rude thing to do.
I cannot believe people who place a secular-created holiday that consists of giving a card and chocolate to mothers, or a flower to mothers during church services, as of being or far more staggering importance than in not crushing the heart of the 30 year old woman who is unable to conceive, or unable to find a “Mr. Right” to conceive with.
Most people who find Mother’s Day painful are not asking for the entire holiday to be abolished; that is a straw-man argument that pro- Mother’s Day advocates keep tossing out.
People who take issue with the holiday are only hoping people who love to celebrate it will perhaps either tone it down, keep it out of church services, or to tread carefully when celebrating it, to remember those around them who are hurting because of it.
I am hard pressed, above all, to understand how any conservative can politicize Mother’s Day and act like a huge, heartless jackass to anyone who says, “Hey, I find this a tough day to get through for such and such a reason.”
It does not take a liberal to see what a sham Mother’s Day is, or how the public’s (or church’s) over-emphasis upon it, can be like rubbing salt into the wound of those who don’t find the day so joyful.
I am a conservative and can see how it’s a stupid, horrible holiday, especially for those who have dead mothers, those who want children of their own but who cannot carry a baby to term, or for those who have abusive mothers.
I am a right winger, and I am appalled, very appalled and dismayed, to see how hateful and rude other right wingers are being about this.
Many conservatives also have this very annoying, knee-jerk tendency to assume any one who is not gleeful and giddy about Mother’s Day is a man-hating, Democrat-voting, bra-burning feminist.
I am a right wing person, I don’t agree with secular feminists on everything, but I still take issue with the holiday.
If you’re a conservative, please stop broad-brushing any and all who have a nit to pick with Mother’s Day as being whiny, too-sensitive, millennial, snow flake feminists.
I’ve never voted Democrat in my life, but you know, Mother’s Day is a bit of a crock, and yes, the day hurts for people who don’t have a mother, or who want to become pregnant but cannot.
I am not bitter. I am not a Snow Flake. I am not a millennial. I am not Democrat. I am not left wing.
But, it remains that Mother’s Day is pretty much a bogus holiday…
Mother’s Day, especially as celebrated among Christians, upholds the unbiblical idea that a woman’s only God-approved role in life is to marry and have children, thereby communicating that women who cannot or do not marry and have children are failures or flawed.
Christians tend to assume, very wrongly, that any woman, or all women, who do not marry and have kids is a feminist who hates God, country, men, and babies (not true).
The Bible itself in 1 Corinthians 7 states it is better to remain single and childless than to marry. The Bible does not tell women that it is their only purpose in life to marry and have children. The Bible does not say motherhood is more important than any other thing a woman can do in life.
Most Christians like to pretend as though 1 Cor. 7 does not exist, by the way, because it’s highly inconvenient to their idolization of marriage and the Nuclear Family.
And again, I am not against marriage or the nuclear family, provided one keeps both in their proper contexts and does not blow them up to Deity-like proportions.
Then, of course, most people whose mother was absent, abusive, or dead, aren’t going to find Mother’s Day a chipper one, which is quite understandable – that is an understandable reaction, not a left wing or “snowflake” one.
But bring any of this up among a conservative crowd, and they get very nasty, hateful, and jump to the incorrect conclusion that you must be a feminist, or bitter, or you hate mothers.
And, by the way:
(Link): The Founder of Mother’s Day Later Fought to Have It Abolished
(Link): The founder of Mothers’ Day hated it so much she organised boycotts against it
There is just zero sensitivity shown, by conservatives, towards people who find Mother’s Day a painful day. I saw plenty of evidence on display of that on the various right wing blogs I visited who posted about Mother’s Day.
Folks who find Mother’s Day a painful day are not over-reacting, they are not all liberals who are snowflakes and who are into “trigger warnings.” I should know, because I am a right winger who takes issue with Mother’s Day, too.
This is one of the things I hate and find very frustrating about being a right winger.
If you disagree with other right wingers on just about any point, most of them automatically assume you must be a feminist or a liberal, or they assume you’re an overly sensitive, whiny, cry-baby, millennial, snow flake.
For more reading:
(Link): Your Church’s Mother’s Day Carnation is Not Worth Any Woman’s Broken Heart – A Critique of ‘When Mother’s Day Feels Like a Minefield’ by L. L. Fields
(Link): Mom Allegedly Beats Son Who Gave Mother’s Day Card to Grandmother, Not Her
(Link): Why all the articles about being Child Free? On Being Childfree or Childless – as a Conservative / Right Wing / Christian
(Link): Is The Church Failing Childless Women? by Diane Paddison
(Link): Don’t Judge Me, I’m Childless (from Today’s Christian Woman)
(Link): Are Marriage and Family A Woman’s Highest Calling? by Marcia Wolf – and other links that address the Christian fallacy that a woman’s most godly or only proper role is as wife and mother
(Link): Otherhood – An overlooked demographic – the Childless and Childfree Women and Singles Especially Women Who Had Hoped to Marry and Have Kids But Never Met Mr. Right (links)
(Link): Parenthood Does Not Make People More Loving Mature Godly Ethical Caring or Responsible (One Stop Thread)
(Link): Hypocrisy in Christian Culture – Those who idolize parenting chide infertiles for trying to have kids
(Link): Mother’s Day Ain’t A Happy Holiday For Some
(Link): Happy Mother’s Day From the Moms on Whisper Who Hate Their Kids