The Reason Why Men Marry Some Women And Not Others by D. Brennan
If you’re a single woman who’d like to be married, you definitely need to read the following page. It’s very long but well worth the read.
I will only copy some excerpts from the page, not the entire thing.
(Link): The Reason Why Men Marry Some Women And Not Others
He’s not a dating expert, nor an advice columnist, psychologist or relationship therapist. His expertise lies in the field of market research and he applies his scientific skills to educate women with all they need to know about men.
In his book, “Why Men Marry Some Women and Not Others,” author John Molloy says that women will discover the proven facts and figures that will help them find and marry Mr. Right. Here’s an excerpt:
Is he old enough to marry?
This survey uncovered some interesting facts. The first was that there is an age when a man is ready to marry-the Age of Commitment. The age varies from man to man, but there are patterns that are easily identified:
- …Once men reach age 47 to 50 without marrying, the chances they will marry do not disappear, but they drop dramatically.
Signing off on the scene
When we conducted a focus group with 12 men who had just proposed to women, we learned that men were far more likely to marry when they got tired of the singles scene.
…They had not stopped dating. It’s just that they were no longer going to singles hangouts and trying to pick up women several times a week.
…There were two notable exceptions to the age guidelines: men who were balding or heavy. Losing hair or putting on weight often makes men look older, and when a man looks older in singles places, he is often treated by the women as if he doesn’t belong.
Bachelors for life?
It’s easy to spot a confirmed bachelor. He’s so used to living alone that he will list the pleasures of the solo life-coming and going as he pleases, not answering to anyone as reasons for not marrying. But there’s still hope.
Thousands of former “confirmed” bachelors get married each year, usually to women they’ve known for less than a year or whom they’ve been going with for many years. Once men reach age 47 to 50 without marrying, the chances they will marry do not disappear, but they drop dramatically.
Please keep in mind that I’m talking about men who have never been married. Men who have been married before are open to remarry much later in life. They have entirely different relationships with women.
If a woman in her forties or older who has never been married is dating a man who has never been married, the chance of him marrying is still good.
But at that time in her life, most eligible men are either widowed or divorced, and their chances of marrying again are substantially higher than those of men of the same age who have never married. In other words, if a woman meets two men in their late forties, one who has been married and the other a lifelong bachelor, she should choose the one who has been married before.
…Many single women say divorced men are often bitter and defensive, so they don’t date them. That’s usually a mistake.
If you’re dating a man who has had one or more long-term relationships with other women and didn’t marry them, there’s a real possibility he’s a stringer.
A stringer is a man who strings women along. He likes having a woman, sleeping with a woman, eating with a woman, possibly sharing his life with a woman without ever making a real commitment.
He often tells women, up front, he never intends to marry, so if and when he decides he wants to cut out, she has no reason to complain.
If you think you may be involved with a stringer, establish a deadline. If he doesn’t commit to you within six months, get rid of him. Pay no attention to his excuses.
He may tell you that you’re coming on too strong. He may complain that the two of you haven’t been going together long enough, that he doesn’t know, that he hasn’t made up his mind.
In fact, he is likely to tell you anything that will get you to stick around without his needing to make a commitment. Don’t fall for it. The chances a stringer will marry are very slim; he is simply not the marrying kind.
…So we questioned the couples in which the man had gone with one woman for years and was marrying another. The women who married these men insisted they commit early in the relationship.
If you meet a man who has had a long-term relationship, make it clear to him that if he dates you for a certain length of time, you’ll expect a ring.
If he doesn’t understand that, you haven’t done your job. Don’t think his affirmative response to such a declaration is a precursor to his making a commitment.
He’s strung many women along, and he may try it with you. If after six months you don’t have a firm commitment, leave.
We ran across at least fifty men we could identify as stringers. They can be very dangerous.
I estimate each one is responsible for at least two women remaining single. They are destructive because they con women into wasting their time during the years when they are most attractive and most likely to get a proposal [Note from Christian Pundit blogger: this part made me cringe – women do not have an expiration date].
They stay with women, live with women, promise them marriage, and string them on and on indefinitely.
There is one surefire way to identify these men-they are usually repeat offenders. If a man had even one long-term relationship with someone else, he’s very likely to be a stringer. If he does not set a firm date, be on your guard.
We talked to dozens of men in their late thirties and early forties who had given up on the idea of marrying. Most lacked one of three things-looks, height, or social skills. They had been rejected so often that they had despaired of ever finding a woman who would love them or even put up with them. Many had been treated cruelly by women.
There are literally hundreds of thousands of men and women in their forties and fifties eagerly seeking mates, but somehow they can’t seem to find each other. The main reason, I believe, is that those in both groups have been emotionally battered in the dating game, and they’re very gun-shy.
…One thing impressed me: The men who were not married were just as nice, just as intelligent, just as hardworking as the men who were.
Maybe that’s why seven out of eight men aged 50 and over who were about to marry for the first time were marrying women who had been divorced.
These women told us they saw lack of social skills or a few inches in height as a minor detail, because they had already had a man who was tall or suave, and he hadn’t made a very good husband.
There is a possible drawback to dating a man aged 40 or older. Many men at that age begin to look at women and marriage as a poor financial investment. [The author tells women to avoid wasting time on such men. Such men are not likely to marry.]
…When religion and politics mix
…Therefore, if you have a choice of dating two men who seem equally desirable, but one holds the same religious beliefs you do and the other doesn’t, you’re better off dating the man with beliefs similar to yours.
(Link): How Sorry Do We Feel for the Lonesome Single Bachelors of New York? by T. Moore (never married men in their 40s talk about being tired of being single)
(Link): Nine Questions To Ask On A First Date, According To Divorce Lawyers by B. Wong
(Link): Decent Secular Relationship Advice: How to Pick Your Life Partner
(Link): Yes, You Need to Prioritize Your Marriage Over Your Kids by V. Pelley
(Link): The Study of Why Men Stay Single: What No One Is Telling You by B. DePaulo
(Link): Why Being Single Sucks: What No One Wants to Talk About, by B. Smith
(Link): Stop Telling Women Their Most Valuable Asset Is Their Youth (From Time)
(Link): The Biggest Threat To Middle-Aged Men: Loneliness
(Link): Middle Aged, Single Christian Guy’s Long, Picky Girlfriend Wanted Ad on Craig’s List
(Link): Single and 40: Dealing with Disappointment by L. Bishop
(Link): Ageism Vs. Age Preferences and Creepy Older Men
(Link): I’m 45, Single And Childless. No, There’s Nothing ‘Wrong’ With Me. by M Notkin
(Link): Infertility/ Kids/ The Male Biological Clock
(Link): Ladies Over 35 Years Of Age Having Babies
(Link): Stop putting pressure on women to have kids before they’re 30 by A Chandler
(Link): Myths About Never Married Adults Over Age 40
(Link): The Stupid Advice We Give To Single Women Over 40 (from the Current Conscience Blog)
(Link): First Time Marriage for Man and Woman Both Over Age 40
(Link): This dad is glad he postponed fatherhood (commentary – first time father at age 40 or older)
(Link): Never-Married Men Over 40: Date-able or Debate-able?
(Link): Woman’s First Marriage at Age 40+
(Link): Obnoxious, Condescending, Sexist Esquire Editorial by 50-Something Year Old Man, Tom Junod: “In Praise of 42 Year Old Women” – Condescendingly Reassures 40 Something Women He’d Sex Them Up
(Link): Men Become ‘Invisible’ And Lose Sex Appeal At 39 – Article from Daily Caller
(Link): First Time Marriage for Man and Woman Both Over Age 40
(Link): The Grief, Happiness, and Hope of Late-in-Life Singleness by H. Ferguson (she married for first time at age 58)
(Link): College Women, Don’t Listen to Marriage Concern Trolls
(Link): True Love Waits . . . and Waits . . . and Waits – editorial about delayed marriage and related issues