I’m In My 40s, Want To Marry, But Never Like A Guy More Than A Year (Letter to Advice Columnist)

I’m In My 40s, Want To Marry, But Never Like A Guy More Than A Year (Letter to Advice Columnist)

(Link):  I’m in my 40s, want to marry, but never like a guy more than a year. (Letter to Advice Columnist)

Prudie advises a letter writer who is fortysomething, wants to marry, but never likes a guy for more than a year.


[Dear Prudie]:

Q. Uncertain: I’m in my early 40s, never married, no kids, but always wanted both. I’m in a relationship of 10 months. The guy could not be sweeter or a person of better character.

He loves me and treats me well. I was so in love the first six months but he is increasingly getting on my nerves—he is a bit quirky and goofy. And I don’t always find it amusing; increasingly I find it irritating.

I have had several relationships like this (start out great, then fall apart at eight months or a year), and I am starting to wonder if I’m just projecting my insecurities onto him or if I need to end the relationship. I am in therapy.

I just feel like there’s got to be something wrong with me if I have dated all these different men and nothing’s stuck.

I long to be like most of my friends: married, settled, happy, in a family, kiddos running around.

(Answer):

A: I don’t know if you should break up with him!

Look, if your goal is merely to get married and see a bunch of running children, then you can probably make that happen, likely with this guy, and then probably get divorced in a few years.

But if your goal is to marry someone you feel pretty strongly about, who you (on average) like more than you dislike, then you should probably take a little time to explore this discomfort and irritation. I’m not inclined to offer a sweeping pronouncement about your dating history because there’s not quite enough detail here to do so.

Maybe you’ve backed off of your past relationships at the year mark because there’s something about long-term intimacy that frightens you (I mean, it frightens most people), or maybe you’ve ended things because none of those people were especially well-suited for you.

(( click here to read the rest of her advice to this woman ))


Related Posts:

(Link):  Craigslist confessional: I’m in my 40s, never married, and a virgin—but I’m happy by Abigail

(Link):  More 40-Something Single Women Falling Prey to Dishonest or Violent Men in Dating (says report)

(Link):   ‘Everybody Loves Raymond’ TV Show Scene Perfectly Sums Up What It’s Like To Be Single at 40+ When You Had Wanted to Be Married 

(Link):  When Newsweek ‘Struck Terror in the Hearts of Single Women’ – Bogus Study Said Women Over 40 More Likely To Be Killed By A Terrorist Than to Marry

(Link):  Ingrid Lyne, 40 Year Old, Murdered and Decapitated by Man She Met on Dating Site

(Link): Myths About Never Married Adults Over Age 40

(Link):   What Two Religions Tell Us About the Modern Dating Crisis (from TIME) (ie, Why Are Conservative Religious Women Not Marrying Even Though They Want to Be Married. Hint: It’s a Demographics Issue) 

(Link):  Husband-Hunting is the Worst Part of a Christian Upbringing – Christianity Made Me Obsessed with Finding a Husband – by B. Ramos

(Link):   How the Dating Scene Became Stacked Against Women – via CT, by Gina Dalfonzo

(Link): The best age to marry is when you meet the right person – editorial responding to study that says if you marry past 30 your marriage is doomed

(Link):  How Sorry Do We Feel for the Lonesome Single Bachelors of New York? by T. Moore (never married men in their 40s talk about being tired of being single)

(Link): The Stupid Advice We Give To Single Women Over 40 (from the Current Conscience Blog)

(Link): First Time Marriage for Man and Woman Both Over Age 40

(Link):  Christians Advise Singles To Follow Certain Dating Advice But Then Shame, Criticize, or Punish Singles When That Advice Does Not Work

(Link): A Critique of – 10 Men Christian Women Should Never Marry by J. Lee Grady / And on Christians Marrying Non Christians -and- Unrealistic, Too Rigid Spouse Selection Lists by Christians

(Link): Does God Require Singles to Be Perfect Before He Will Send Them a Spouse

(Link): Otherhood – An overlooked demographic – the Childless and Childfree Women and Singles Especially Women Who Had Hoped to Marry and Have Kids But Never Met Mr. Right (links)

(Link): Salvation By Marriage Alone – The Over Emphasis Upon Marriage by Conservative Christians Evangelicals Southern Baptists 

(Link): This dad is glad he postponed fatherhood (commentary – first time father at age 40 or older)

(Link): Never-Married Men Over 40: Date-able or Debate-able?

(Link): Woman’s First Marriage at Age 40+

(Link):   What You Learn in Your 40s by P. Druckerman

(Link):  How to Date When You’re Almost Middle-Aged by A. Broadway

(Link):  Creepy, wrong, immature and pathetic: older men chasing after much younger women

(Link): Why It May Be Wiser For Women to Enter First Marriage At Age 40+ – especially ones from religious or conservative families

(Link): The advantages to getting engaged at age 37, by Patricia Beauchamp

(Link):  True Love Waits . . . and Waits . . . and Waits – editorial about delayed marriage and related issues

(Link): Please Owen Strachan, Tim Challies and Others: Stop Telling Adult Singles and Adult Virgins that their Singleness and Virginity is “For God’s Glory” – Just Stop 

(Link): Stop Telling Women Their Most Valuable Asset Is Their Youth (From Time)

(Link): Obnoxious, Condescending, Sexist Esquire Editorial by 50-Something Year Old Man, Tom Junod: “In Praise of 42 Year Old Women” – Condescendingly Reassures 40 Something Women He’d Sex Them Up

(Link): Typical Incorrect Conservative Christian Assumption: If you want marriage bad enough, Mr. Right will magically appear

(Link): Want To But Can’t – The One Christian Demographic Being Continually Ignored by Christians Re: Marriage

(Link): How Christian Teachings on Marriage/ Singleness/ Gender Roles/ Dating Are Keeping Christian Singles Single

(Link): Following the Usual Advice Won’t Get You Dates or Married – Even Celebrities Have A Hard Time

(Link):  Depressing Testimony: “I Was A Stripper but Jesus Sent Me A Great Christian Husband”

(Link):   Consider The Source: Christians Who Give Singles Dating Advice Also Regularly Coach Wives to Stay in Abusive Marriages

(Link): Five Things Single Women Hate to Hear

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