Bugging Your Friend to Get Into a Relationship? How Amatonormative of You. by L. Bonos
(Link): Bugging Your Friend to Get Into a Relationship? How Amatonormative of You. by L. Bonos
Being single is not necessarily a problem to be fixed, but it often gets treated that way. In women’s magazines that trumpet how to find your soul mate. In rom-coms where the hot mess of a single protagonist ends up with a man. In conversations in which married friends presume that their single friends would automatically be better off with a partner, any partner.
But what’s a single person to do when what she needs most is … to stop getting so much unsolicited advice?
When I asked Mandy Len Catron, author of “How to Fall in Love With Anyone,” for advice on how to deal with the advice deluge, she had a succinct answer. Tell the person with a presumed answer to your presumed problem: “Stop being so amatonormative.”
“Amatonormativity” is a relatively new term — coined about five years ago by Elizabeth Brake, an associate professor of philosophy at Arizona State University and the author of “Minimizing Marriage” — to capture two widely held assumptions.
The first being that a person who isn’t in a monogamous romantic relationship is seeking that type of relationship, and the second being that that person would automatically be better off in a monogamous romantic relationship than he or she would be while single or in another type of relationship.
…“There’s nothing wrong with wanting a relationship,” she [Catron] added. “I think that’s fine. But I think most of the advice you get is sort of guided by that presumption, which makes it not that useful. Because it isn’t really about you; it’s about our culture.”
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