Heartbroken Woman Reveals Pain of a Sexless Marriage as Husband Hasn’t Slept with Her in SEVEN Years
Christians often tell people that if they reserve sex for marriage, the sex will be great and regular. When I was growing up, Christians never acknowledged that sometimes, for whatever the reason, some marriages are sexless.
Here is another example of a person who got married, but the sex was not regular or good.
Most relationships suffer a lull in the bedroom at some stage, but what happens when it stalls completely?
By Natasha Harding
Here, Sara*, 40, who works in marketing, reveals the heartache of a sexless marriage.
When I first met Ben*, I thought I’d found my soulmate. He was everything I wanted in a man. Fast- forward 13 years and I realise it was all a sham.
Yes, we have a nice life and three gorgeous children, Oscar*, 11, James*, eight, and six-year-old Lucy*, but we also have a secret: we haven’t had sex for almost seven years.
And the truth is I don’t think we’ll ever be intimate again.
Before I met Ben, I had amazing sex with other men – sex that made my heart pound and body ache. I loved it and thoroughly enjoyed pushing boundaries.
When I met Ben, then 26, in a bar in June 2004, I fancied him straight away and imagined the hot nights we’d soon be having between the sheets.
Instead, even though our first few months were a whirlwind of dinner dates, shopping trips and country walks, whenever I stayed the night at his house he prepared the guest room for me.
I assumed he was being a complete gentleman and didn’t want to rush me.
We finally slept together two months after we met.
I should have spotted the warning signs when it was all very quick and perfunctory, and as soon as it was over, Ben jumped in the shower.
But he was so loving to me in other ways – holding my hand in the street and giving me cuddles on the sofa – that I pushed any doubts to the back of my mind.
After all, I’d had amazing sex in the past but those relationships hadn’t lasted.
After the first time, it was always me who initiated sex, which was something I wasn’t used to. After a few weeks, I asked Ben why he never took the lead. He dismissed my concerns, telling me he was often tired as he had such a busy job in finance and that he’d try harder, which he did.
But sex was never mind-blowing.
….The next day I calmly told Ben that unless he agreed to go to couples’ counselling I would leave, and I made an appointment for the following week. He reluctantly came with me, but got really defensive when asked about our sex life. I ended up bursting into tears, while the counsellor urged Ben to see things from my point of view.
…On the rare occasions we are in the same bed together, such as when we have house guests, there’s not a single bit of contact. We don’t kiss each other goodnight, there’s not even the odd touching of feet. I feel so sad, as well as foolish and lonely. I’ve never told anybody because I’m too ashamed of how pathetic my life is.
…These days we’re housemates, rather than husband and wife. We get on fine, go out as a family and laugh at the children’s antics, but there isn’t a deep connection between us.
I love Ben like a brother, but do I fancy him? No, not any more.