Dear Abby: As Boyfriend Loses Hair, I Lose Interest
Secular culture would have you believe that men care about looks in women, while women supposedly only care about money or emotional support from a man, and to that I say: FALSE.
Christians, specifically, Christian gender complementarians, ratchet this up to really emphasize the point.
I’ve heard or seen so many male Christian complementarians (and occasionally, a few women complementarians) hype up this supposed idea that God created men to be “visual,” so they will shame and badger women to stay skinny, diet, exercise, and wear make-up all the time.
The truth is, women are every bit as “visual” as men are. Most hetero women dig a hot, sexy man every bit as much as some hetero men appreciate a hot, sexy woman.
However, complementarians will seldom lecture or advise men to lose weight, go to the gym and work out, or get a toupee if they’re balding.
I think the differences is that most women are willing to cut men slack where as the reverse is not true.
I mean, a woman may prefer a hot, studly looking man, but, if you’re tubby, bald, or sort of ugly she might still be willing to date you if you bring “something else to the table” – such as a lot of money, a steady income, a great sense of humor, intelligence, dependability, or what have you.
I think most women are more wiling to take trade-offs in the “looks” and sex appeal department than most men are.
Other than that, most of both sexes prefer people who are easy on the eyes, but this sexist, irritating stereotype that only men care about looks and only women care about romance (or emotions) persists.
Here is an example of a woman who is turned off by her male partner’s baldness:
My physical attraction to my boyfriend has significantly diminished due to his baldness.
I know this may seem shallow, but I have lost all interest in intimate contact with him.
When I look at his bald head or he rests his head on my shoulder, it literally makes my stomach lurch!
Our romance began 20 years ago when he still had hair. It fell out two years ago.
I still have feelings for him, but I don’t know how to get past this. I have tried turning out the lights and even imagining I’m with somebody else.
I’m sure other women feel the same way I do.
He tries to conceal his baldness by doing the “flip over” thing with his side hair, so I know he’s self-conscious about it.
But I am so turned off.
Can you give me some advice? I haven’t said anything because I don’t want to offend him.
I am upset and discouraged and no longer look forward to seeing him because of this. It would be an awful reason to leave him, yet I can’t stand looking at his head!
— TURNED OFF IN CINCINNATI
Notice how she tells Dear Abby “I know this sounds shallow, but…”
Can I tell you that in the many lectures and sermons I see by Christians on these issues, that I’ve seen or listened to since the 1970s or 1980s, I never once see any of them tell women caveats such as,
“Hey, ladies, I know this is shallow as hell, but, men prefer you to be stick thin and have big boobs…”
No, women are sort of just expected to accept all this sexist garbage about how men will only love or value them if they look sexy and forever youthful.
But see how this woman who wrote in to Dear Abby seems to feel ashamed to admit that she is turned off if a man has thinning hair. She seems apologetic about it.
If the genders were reversed here, I can say with a lot of confidence, a man would not preface his remarks by saying, “I know this sounds shallow, but my wife’s thinning hair or thickening waist line bothers me.”
No, on the contrary, not only would most men not feel guilt or shame over this sort of thing, but if they were to post to a Christian marriage advice forum, many of the idiot men posting would be like,
“Oh bro, I hear you! The wimmins expect everything from us, but the least they can do for us is stay skinny for decades and look perpetually as though they are 25 years old, even if they are 50 or 60, and even though we look 80 when we’re 50 and have sloppy beer guts.”
Secular culture does this sort of thing as well – builds up entitlement in men to think they all deserve and should expect to marry a hot, sexy mama, and once married, their hot, sexy spouse will never age or gain weight or get wrinkles.
It’s bad enough secular culture permits or encourages such thinking in men, but churches also permit it, which is pretty gross.
And meanwhile, no expectations from society – churches included – are expected for men to stay skinny, muscular, and in shape.
Nope. Complementarians keep spreading this fairy tale that women in general, and Christian women specifically, don’t care about sex, sex appeal, or what a man looks like.
Even though here we have another example (Dear Abby letter above) from a woman who does very much care about her partner’s physical appearance.