The Creepy, Sad, and Weird Love Life of Actor Tom Cruise

The Creepy, Sad, and Weird Love Life of Actor Tom Cruise

If you’re a singleton who sometimes reads my blog, and you’re fed up with being single (because you’d like to marry but haven’t been able to find the right person), this 2012 article from Vanity Fair might cheer you up.

Rest assured that your love life (or life as a single) cannot possibly be AS BAD or bizarre as Cruise’s.

There is a link way down the page to a Vanity Fair magazine article about how Tom Cruise’s church “auditions” women to be his girlfriends or wives.

Before I get a bunch of haters and get to the VF link: I don’t hate Tom Cruise, though he does come across as sounding like a weirdo, insensitive, and just as, or almost, self-absorbed as my ex fiance, in the Vanity Fair article I’m featuring farther below.

I don’t even know as I care so much that he’s into Scientology.

I only remark on Scientology in so far as it reminds me of the Protestant, Baptist, sort of evangelical Christianity I was raised in, in regards to the stupid and confining views on dating and marriage.

I read this Vanity Fair article about Cruise the other day, and it relates to a few of the subjects I blog about on here at times.

I’ve mentioned in an older post or two how the world’s (or America’s) notion of what it takes to get a boyfriend (or a girlfriend, if you are a hetero guy), is to be really good looking, live in a mansion, have a lot of money, and so on – (Link): but none of that is true.

There are rich and very attractive people who (Link): also have a difficult time meeting a wonderful person, or, they go on one bad date after another.

Being sexy, famous, or having a lot of money are not guarantees of getting a partner or having a happy relationship.

Another thing that struck me in this Vanity Fair article is how Scientologists apparently have something like a Scientology “Equally Yoked Rule” which is comparable to the Christian “Equally Yoked Rule.”

I’ve mentioned before how many Christians have an equally yoked belief, which is that a Christian should only marry another Christian.

What happens when you insist on marrying ONLY someone from your own religion is that you drastically reduce your pool of prospects, making dating (or getting married) so much more difficult.

That same issue cropped up in Cruise’s life – he was single there for awhile, and seemed to be un-happy with being single.

All his girlfriends – or girlfriend prospects – were deemed by him or his church as not being “Scientologied” enough.

I see that same limited thinking play out among Christians. They write these very detailed, long lists, telling single Christian women to only consider dating or marrying guys who are spiritually mature, who go to church every week, etc.

These lists of what makes for an acceptable Christian mate are so long and picky no man alive meets their criteria, so any woman who follows those lists is bound to be single for a long time.

Tom Cruise kept getting on the cover of “People’s Sexiest Man Alive” issue in the past. He’s got a lot of money, he’s got a mansion or two, and he’s world famous.

In spite of all that, I would not want to ever date this guy or anyone like him.

Not only is it difficult for even guys like him to get steady girlfriends or a wife at times, but on the other side of this, I would have no desire to date someone who is so oddly fixated on his religious beliefs, who is so self-absorbed as what this article describes.

I’d rather stay single than marry someone who is portrayed in the Vanity Fair “What Katie Didn’t Know” article you see linked to below.

Before I get to the article proper, I wanted to draw attention to this part of it:

If Cruise found fault with anything she [Naz Boniadi, the woman his church set him up with] said or did, according to the knowledgeable source, he immediately reported it to Tommy Davis or a member of the [Scientology] staff, and she would then be audited about it.

This process started with the first words she ever spoke to him, “Very well done,” about his receiving Scientology’s Freedom Medal of Valor.

Evidently that was not sufficiently doting; according to the source, her “Very well done” implied that Cruise was her junior. She spent two to three hours of her day, every day, purging herself of “negative thoughts about Tom.”

/// end excerpt //

When I read that, I am so very much reminded of my ex fiance, who I will refer to as “Fred.”

The jackass I was engaged to – Fred – was the same way, and it was maddening!

I may have mentioned this on a much older post, but any time Fred felt I did not sufficiently butter his ego with compliments after he would tell me how his boss give him a pat on the back at work, he would get sullen and whiny with me.

Fred would angrily accuse me of not being supportive enough of him and his achievements.

It would annoy Fred that I was not kissing his ass enough, and to add insult to injury, Fred took NO INTEREST in my life, and he never congratulated me on MY accomplishments.

But Fred wanted me to congratulate him on HIS accomplishments, the selfish hypocrite.

Tom Cruise sounds much the same way as my ex, Fred.

There is no way in Hell I could stand to date or marry Tom Cruise or a guy like him (I was already engaged to one).

Cruise and guys like him can keep his (their) mansion and yachts: I’d rather remain single and keep my sanity and dignity.

Here’s the article with a few excerpts (to get a good idea of how weird and sad Cruise’s love life is, you’ll have to click the VF link and read it there. I’m not going to paste the entire article into my blog post, just the portions I find most relevant to my blog):

What Katie Didn’t Know – via VF, October 2012, by Maureen Orth

In the fall of 2004, an accomplished, gorgeous Scientologist named Nazanin Boniadi was allegedly selected by officials in the organization to be Tom Cruise’s next girlfriend. Her never-before-told story— of the months inseparable from the star (and his watchers), before she fell out of favor— reveals a complex dynamic that also affected Cruise’s relationships with Nicole Kidman, Penélope Cruz, and, now, Katie Holmes. Maureen Orth investigates.


Tom Cruise was in a state because he didn’t have a girl. “Can you believe my sister can’t even get me a girlfriend?” he said to David Miscavige, the chief of the Church of Scientology International, as Miscavige joined him and Cruise’s sister Lee Anne DeVette at the opening of the Madrid Scientology center, in September 2004.

Mike Rinder, the founding director of Scientology International and former head of the Office of Special Affairs, claims that the star had just said the same thing to him minutes before as they waited for Miscavige, who is referred to by Scientology honchos as C.O.B., chairman of the board.

Miscavige, according to Rinder and Marty Rathbun, Scientology’s former inspector general and No. 2, prided himself on being able to produce with a snap of his fingers anything Cruise desired, as well as to remove whatever he considered to be obstacles in the star’s life, such as his last wife, Nicole Kidman, and his last girlfriend, Penélope Cruz.

…According to several of these on-the-record sources, Scientology more and more came to be whatever Miscavige said it was, and both Kidman and Cruz had been found wanting in their embrace of the organization and therefore unsuitable for the highly prized Cruise—Kidman especially.

They say the church had determined that Kidman was its most dangerous type of enemy, a Suppressive Person (S.P.), who could threaten the spiritual well-being of Cruise and the two children the couple had adopted during their 10-year marriage. Cruise sued for divorce…

…As Penélope Cruz became Cruise’s new love interest, she took her own set of courses, but, the sources say, she soon ran afoul of Miscavige, who dismissed her as a mere “dilettante” when it was learned that she was unwilling to forsake her Buddhist beliefs.

Cruise post-Cruz was apparently tired of having these ecclesiastical pillow fights interfere with his sex life: he needed a devout Scientologist to sleep with.

Thus began an elaborate auditioning process, the sources say, to find him a drop-dead-beautiful true believer to share his life, someone who would not object to having the mercurial Miscavige as a powerful presence in the relationship.

“It’s not like you only have to please your husband—you have to toe the line for all Scientology,” explains Marc Headley, a Scientologist from age seven… “You can’t do anything to displease Scientology, because Tom Cruise will freak out.”

The timing was especially delicate, for Cruise was burrowing deeper and deeper into the church, and Miscavige was actively pushing him.

…Marty Rathbun says Miscavige clearly wanted to make sure that Cruise was securely locked in and unable to drift away, as he had during his marriage to Kidman.

All during that time, he claims, the organization got reports on the couple through members of their personal staff— devout Scientologists.

The staff “was reporting every single detail going on in the house during the entire marriage with Nicole — how they were getting along, their disputes, what he was doing movie-wise, and his relations in Hollywood.

…Numerous sources say that Kidman, a Catholic, was never considered safe by Scientology, because her father, in Australia, is a psychologist, by definition a Suppressive Person, since Scientology rejects psychiatry and all psychotropic drugs.

…After Cruise’s marriage with Kidman collapsed, in early 2001, and his relationship with Cruz faded, there were to be no more slipups.

[Cruise’s confidential auditing interview material would be taped and typed up and sent to Miscavige who allegedly read them aloud to other people for the fun of it]

“He’s probably got a lot of embarrassing material,” De Vocht says, adding that Miscavige’s comments were usually about Cruise’s sex life. “He would roll his eyes and say, ‘Jeez, can you believe it?’ ” All the while, Miscavige claimed to be Cruise’s best friend.

The audition process for the next Mrs. Cruise did not yield much at first, according to the Headleys.

By the fall of 2004, they say, dozens of the organization’s members had been run through the video process and considered unsuitable.

Cruise himself was reportedly unable to entice a number of beautiful, well-known actresses — including Sofía Vergara and Scarlett Johansson — to accept his devotion to Scientology.

…Finally, however, according to several sources, the screeners at Gold Base headquarters came upon a believer they thought could actually wear the glass slipper …. [her name was Nazanin Boniadi].

[This article then goes on to explain the months-long preparation this poor woman had to go through before even meeting Cruise.

It also discussed their, for want of a better word of it, “courtship,” where Cruise bossed her around, and at other times, seemed totally dis-interested in her.

He ended up getting one of his staff members or Scientology buddies to dump her on his behalf. He didn’t even say bye to her.]

[I will present you with just a few highlights of what Boniadi had to put up with]

…Next she [Boniadi] had to sit down and prepare a 20-page, single-spaced essay on what she wanted and needed in her life in terms of a partner, family, and work to satisfy her goals and aspirations.

Once the paper was sent off for approval, accompanied by new photos showing dark hair and no braces, the knowledgeable source says…

…Cruise overwhelmed her [Boniadi] with the intensity of his affection, and he apparently liked it to be on public display. Once, says the knowledgeable source, he even complained that she was not sufficiently demonstrative: “I get more love from an extra than I get from you.”

The degree of control Boniadi was subjected to by Cruise and the organization was mind-boggling, according to several sources. For the first three weeks she was isolated and not permitted to communicate with anyone.

If Cruise found fault with anything she said or did, according to the knowledgeable source, he immediately reported it to Tommy Davis or a member of the staff, and she would then be audited about it.

This process started with the first words she ever spoke to him, “Very well done,” about his receiving Scientology’s Freedom Medal of Valor.

Evidently that was not sufficiently doting; according to the source, her “Very well done” implied that Cruise was her junior. She spent two to three hours of her day, every day, purging herself of “negative thoughts about Tom.”

… Though the first month on the project was bliss, by the second month Boniadi was more and more often found wanting.

Cruise’s hairstylist, Chris McMillan, was brought in to work on her hair; in addition, says the source, Cruise wanted Boniadi’s incisor teeth filed down.

Wait, what? He was so damn picky he wanted her freaking teeth filed down???
What. The. Hell. Talk about too picky.

Continuing with excerpts (from VF article):

In Telluride [where I believe Tom Cruise had a mansion], Boniadi was audited frequently by Jessica Rodriguez. Shortly before New Year’s, David and Shelly Miscavige arrived.

One afternoon when everyone was on snowmobiles, Boniadi, who was feeling sick from her period and from the altitude, fell off her vehicle and was badly bruised.

According to the source, she was in excruciating pain, but Scientologists do not believe in medicating in such circumstances.

She asked to go back to the house, where she burst into tears, believing that she was completely shut off; her only source of money was a credit card issued in the name of Cruise’s production company.

After lying down to rest, she was told that she had to go downstairs and help entertain the Miscaviges. David Miscavige speaks rapidly, and she had trouble following his American English.

According to the knowledgeable source, she had to ask several times, “Excuse me?”

That was a fatal mistake. “Miscavige took that as an insult,” says a confidant of the woman’s. (In Scientology, the ability to have your communication “land” is crucial.)

The upshot was that Cruise was furious with her for offending Miscavige. After the Miscaviges left the next day, Boniadi was summoned by Davis into Cruise’s office, where the actor delivered a blistering denunciation about her disrespect of the chairman of the board. (According to his representative, “Mr. Miscavige doesn’t remember any girlfriend of anyone, in his entire life, insulting him.”)

/// end excerpts ///

Oh my good lord. That poor Boniadi lady.

She was verbally beaten for something that was not even her fault, there was no empathy for her physical pain, she was isolated, no money, no way out – like being trapped in an abusive marriage.

Continuing with excerpts:

Things were never the same after that. Boniadi flew back with the staff the next day to Los Angeles and moved into Cruise’s house, but she spent her time confessing her transgressions at the Celebrity Centre. When Cruise arrived, he was withdrawn and barely acknowledged her, though they still shared a bedroom.

… Her parting glimpse of Cruise was seeing him working out in his home gym on her way out.

When she asked why Tom would not break up with her himself, she was told he was not to be disturbed.

… “Tom never broke up with her,” Marc Headley tells me. “He never spoke to her.” The whole time Cruise and Boniadi were together, according to Headley, the film people never stopped cranking out new audition tapes. “O.K., boom, next one. O.K., boom, next one,” he says. “She gets kicked to the curb. And a few months later he’s madly in love with Katie [Holmes] and jumping on couches.”

/// end excerpts //

You can go to the (Link): Vanity Fair page to read the entire thing.

You can read how her (Boniadi’s) church and Cruise gas-lighted her, victim-blamed her – she was treated like trash and tossed away as such when Cruise was done with her. It’s disgusting.

All I can say is that NONE of what that article describes sounds like any woman’s idea of what and how a relationship should function.

As a woman, you want to be in a relationship where the guy sincerely cares about you, your feelings, your needs, and he shows you consideration.

What she had with Cruise sounds totally unappealing, not romantic, not fulfilling. It was creepy, weird, too controlling, artificial, phony.

I’d rather date and marry an “Average Smoe” who earns an average income who have an Average Physique than marry (or date) some richy-rich dude who’s considered good-looking, has a mansion, but who is apathetic about me, doesn’t care about me, nit picks everything about me (including what my teeth look like??).

That VF article on Cruise’s love life is probably one of the top ten creepiest, most depressing things I’ve ever read in my life, but

It at least serves the purpose of making me realize that there are much worse things than being single when you’re hoping to be married, and that is to be trapped in such a miserable, controlling, creepy “relationship” with someone like that. Singleness looks more appealing by comparison.


Related Posts:

(Link): Actor Supposedly Too Self-Absorbed to Get or Keep a Girlfriend

(Link): Part 2 – Following the Usual Advice Won’t Get You Dates or Married – Even CHRISTIAN Celebrities Have A Hard Time

(Link): Charlize Theron, Bella Thorne & More Celebs Who Totally Get the Dating Struggle

(Link): Gender Complementarian Advice to Single Women Who Desire Marriage Will Keep Them Single Forever / Re: Choosing A Spiritual Leader

(Link):  What Two Religions Tell Us About the Modern Dating Crisis (from TIME) (ie, Why Are Conservative Religious Women Not Marrying Even Though They Want to Be Married. Hint: It’s a Demographics Issue)

(Link):  Christians Advise Singles To Follow Certain Dating Advice But Then Shame, Criticize, or Punish Singles When That Advice Does Not Work

(Link):  The Reason Why Men Marry Some Women And Not Others by D. Brennan

(Link): A Critique of – 10 Men Christian Women Should Never Marry by J. Lee Grady / And on Christians Marrying Non Christians -and- Unrealistic, Too Rigid Spouse Selection Lists by Christians

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