Your Boss Hired You to Perform A Job Not Flirt With Co-Workers
About me: I am a right wing person who is not affiliated with any political party after leaving the Republican Party a few years ago.
I don’t call myself a “feminist” because many feminists tend to be liberal, and I am not liberal.
However, I do agree with feminists on some topics, not all.
In the weeks after women began sharing their workplace stories of sexual harassment on social media (starting around fall of 2017), using the “Me Too” hash tag, there began a steady stream of backlash, some of which includes push-back by both men, and unfortunately, a fragment of women, saying how so terrible the “Me Too” phenomenon is, all because now, some men may be too afraid to flirt with women at their jobs.
I for one do not want to be flirted with at any job I hold.
When I am in a workplace, I am there to perform work-related tasks. I am not there to get dates or humor single men who may be lonely.
My boss or the human resources department hired me to do work-related tasks.
Unless you were hired by a john to be a prostitute or to be a porn actor, you are not at your job to have sex, ask for dates, flirt with others, grope others, wink suggestively at them and make suggestive jokes.
You’re there to give status reports, Power Point presentations, and file memos, and to do other standard, day- to- day office- grind stuff.
If you’re a single man who wants a girlfriend, you need to use venues or media that is applicable to that very purpose, such as dating sites or nightclubs – a job is not a proper place to do that.
Get your friends to set you up on blind dates.
Try to strike up conversations with single women in the produce section at your local Kroger’s grocery store, or use the “Meet Up” site to meet others who have similar interests to yours.
Get a pet dog and go take it on walks at your local park; maybe a dog-loving, single woman will approach you to chat with you about the dog, and you can ask her on a date at that point.
But your workplace is NOT the appropriate venue by which to flirt or pick up women.
If you are a single man who does not like dating sites or nightclubs, that is not my problem.
If you ask a woman out on a date once (or flirt with her), and she either sends signals she does not want to date you, or else plainly communicates she is not interested, she indicates she is not receptive, you need to leave her alone at that stage. Stop flirting.
Stop winking, asking her out, and you should NOT be grabbing a woman co-worker by any part of her anatomy in the first place, nor should you be showing her porn photos, or whipping out your nude penis in front of her.
If you keep pursuing a woman, (and why do so many of you men do this – because you assume women find it cute, endearing, flattering, or sexy, or you actually believe in the false cliche “women love playing hard to get”?), that woman will come to view your attention as sexual harassment.
Contrary to Catherine Deneuve and other ignorant French women behind (Link): a French “Anti Me Too” statement, men are not entitled to “flirt with” or “hit on” women in the workplace.
Contra Denevue and those like her, The “Me Too” phenomenon is not about being “anti man” or “killing romance” or “portraying all women as weaklings,” or whatever else they are blathering on about.
Contra Deneuve, and others like her, most women do not appreciate being “hit on” at work, or receiving lewd comments, gropes, or “intensified flirting,” and so forth, from bosses or co-workers.
If you go against my advice and listen to the minority of women out there such as Denevuve telling you that you, a man, should have a “right” to “hit on” women at work, or you buy into the idea that all women personally enjoy being flirted with on the job, you’re going to find your ass in the human resources department or on the receiving end of a sexual harassment lawsuit.
(I know, because I am the sort of woman who WILL report your sexist behind to H.R. or possibly sue you, and there are other women like me out there.)
You also should watch how or if you flirt with women outside of work – at public parks, and so forth. Sometimes women want to be left alone to sit and think, or read a book, or listen to a mp3 player all alone when they are out and about in public, and they do not want to flirt or chit chat with a man (or with another woman, for that matter).
Learn to read the signals women put out. And if a woman tells you ‘no thank you,’ when you try flirting or you ask her on a date, then buzz off instantly. Don’t think it is sexy, alpha male, endearing, or cute to keep pursuing her and pestering her – she will find your behavior creepy, annoying, or stalker-ish.
Women are not obligated to give you men any thing. Women are not obligated to give men a smile, a flirt, a wink, our attention, not a date.
We sure as hell do not owe you any of that in a place of employment.
But so many of you men act as though you are ENTITLED to any and all of this, even at a job. The sense of entitlement is just staggering to me.
When women go to a gym, most of them, most of the time, go there to exercise, not flirt and get dates. But do men care? No.
Here’s a video illustration of that:
(Link, You Tube): What It’s Like To Be A Woman At The Gym
I was in college at one time in life.
At college, in some classes (and walking to classes) I received unwanted male flirtation from a few guys off and on.
Regarding one case in particular, the guy would not leave me alone, though I sent facial and bodily language indicating I wanted him to leave me alone.
His buddy picked up on the fact I was not interested and told the guy, “Hey, she’s not interested, you need to leave her alone.”
(Even after his friend telling him to back off with me, this guy did not back off, but kept coming on to me every single class period.)
Prior to harassing me, this same guy was routinely hitting on another female in class, until she told him one day, “I have a boyfriend.” To this day, I wonder if that was true, or if she just said that to get rid of him.
Girls and women in American culture, in both secular culture, and in religious culture (I come from a traditional Christian family that believed in something called “gender complementarianism” which stressed traditional gender roles for women) are not encouraged to be bold, out-spoken, or assertive.
I was taught and brainwashed by my parents and church (and from wider culture – teachers, school settings, jobs, etc, and by other girls – other females sometimes re-enforce sexist stereotypes) that I should be quiet, passive, docile, and non-confrontational.
I was taught that if I were to be bold and direct when speaking to anyone – including men who tried to flirt with me – that this made me un-ladylike, mean, bitchy, and a “ball breaker.”
So, even into my 20s and beyond, I was passive, sweet, and I lacked boundaries. If people angered me or did something I did not like, I rarely spoke up and confronted them.
Some doofus on Twitter who clearly has NO CLUE about sexism and the garbage women endure in culture over the duration of their lives, from school into employment and every where in between (his Twitter handle is @MadbanditRoy – Roy Phillips is the name), told me that I should have told the Campus Cops about Lover Boy, the guy in my class who would not leave me alone.
First of all, at that age (my early 20s) I did not have the self confidence to do something like that.
I was pressured by my religion I belonged to at that time, American culture, my parents, etc., that a woman getting a young man in trouble for unwanted flirting (or for just about anything else) would be cruel and mean.
As a woman, I was taught that my safety, my feelings, and my needs were not as important as anyone else’s, so I should just quietly endure things like unwanted flirtation.
(By the way, unwanted flirtation morhps into sexual harassment, or it’s a euphemism for it.)
Today’s anti-feminists would also say that had I reported that creepo to the Campus Cops that was “over reacting.”
Today’s anti-feminists would tell me, had I reported the guy,
“Aw, that was so mean and cruel that you reported him to campus police or whoever in authority. Couldn’t you have just humored him and given him just one pity date?”
No, I cannot give him or any other guy I’m not interested in a date. His social awkwardness or loneliness is not my problem to fix or solve. He can go join eHarmony or Tinder.
Secondly, had I plainly told this guy who kept hitting on me, anywhere from politely to rudely,
“Please leave me alone, I don’t want to date you, please stop pestering me”
“Go fuck yourself, asshole, can’t you see I don’t want to date you,”
I would have been deemed “mean” and a “ball buster” by most people, including the dim wit who Tweeted at me recently about this.
Being a MAN, this Twitter doofus who contacted me on social media has no clue how awful it is to be subjected to flirtation you DO NOT WANT all the time, unless he has been regularly propositioned by a homosexual man who is twice his size and strength who won’t take “no” for answer – then we can maybe talk.
But I have had a fairly consistent stream of experiences like that one, it was not just a “one time” event with one guy in college – and it’s exhausting.
WOMEN MURDERED BY MEN FOR REFUSING MEN’S ADVANCES
See also (these are links to articles on other web sites):
(Link): When Women Refuse
Do any of you men ever worry that if you refuse flirtation with a woman she will shoot and kill you?
Most of you men never had to do things like “pretend flirt” your way out of such an encounter – I have.
When a man flirts with you, even though you find him repulsive, you can’t let him know you find him repulsive, because he may also be giving off violent, creepy, weirdo vibes that the’s going to beat you up or shoot you if you flatly say “no, not interested.”
Do most of you men out there experience this sort of threat to your physical safety, just for turning a woman down? I’d wager the answer is No, but this is not atypical for a lot of women.
I had a male coworker on one professional, office-based job who kept flirting with me for about two years. It made me uncomfortable, but because he never was lewd about it, I didn’t report him.
When I was in my early 20s, and I moved with my parents to a new house, one of the moving men kept standing way too close to me when I was upstairs unpacking in my room (he and I were alone in my room, he just walked in on me), and he was making suggestive comments, etc, and I never, ever flirted with him or gave him any notion I was wanting to date him or found him hot.
I have other instances in my life of that behavior from men.
As a woman, you cannot win no matter what you do or do not do in these situations. If you speak up or do not speak up, you will be blamed for it or for how you handled it or if you handled it.
If you report the behavior or do not report the behavior, you will be blamed, and your response to the unwanted flirting will be nit picked critiqued to death.
But never will the MEN who instigate this behavior be held responsible for it. The burden and blame is always put on the women.
Then women such as me who tweet about this using “Me Too” or whatever hash tag on Twitter get hammered for even mentioning this is a recurrent problem in our society. To those tweeting at me about this to complain: I am not to blame. I am simply the messenger.
Further, why was the Twitter Doofus who was tweeting at me about all this putting the onus on me to deal with this unwanted flirtation?
I sent the wanna-be Lover Boy signals I wanted him to back off, but he would not get the hint, and he’d flirt with me day in and day out, every time this class met (which made it difficult for me to concentrate in class and get my projects done, because I was devoting mental energy in trying to avoid him).
The Twitter doofus was telling me I “should have reported the guy to Campus Cops.”
How about the guy should not have been bugging me to start with?
How about after I sent signals I was not into him, he should have backed off?
It should not be up to me, the female, to contact Campus Police about it. He should have respected my boundaries and backed the hell off.
Had I gone to Campus Cops, they would have laughed in my face and not done a damn thing, because “unwanted flirting” is not considered “criminal” or “big deal.” Please, let’s get real.
Your Place of Employment is Not A Bar or Dating Web Site
So, your job, your place of employment is not the relevant or appropriate venue in which to get dates. That is what Dating Sites or friends fixing you up on blind dates is for.
All of these points STILL STAND, even in those cases you want to say, “But I’m a woman who loves to get flirted with at work.”
Yeah, well, I am one woman who does NOT enjoy it, so you’re giving the men on Twitter a bad idea – they’re going to assume it’s okay to hound me round the clock for a drink after work, and instead, if I turn them down once, and they come back a second or third time, I’m going down to Human Resources Department to report them for sexual harassment.
These types of men will find themselves demoted, fired, or sitting through several days of “sensitivity training.”
Some men refuse to take “no” for an answer. I should not have to devote my time and energy at a job, for God’s sake, reporting these clowns to H.R. or Campus Cops etc and so forth.
Your singleness is not my problem. Your lack of dates is not my problem.
If we work a job together, I do not exist to be at your beck and call and provide you with kisses, dates, or flirty female attention, not even including if you’re a lonely single guy.
I have never in my life, not even as a teen or 20-something, viewed a workplace as the venue in which to flirt or get dates, and I’m very puzzled by people who think that “Acme Inc”, M- F, 9 – 5, is an appropriate time and place for that, or who think I have a stick up my ass for not viewing a job as “The Dating Game” or as Tinder, eHarmony, or Match dot com come to life.
Video below: These women are at the gym to work out, NOT get flirted with, but the idiot men in the video keep hitting on these women who are there to exercise, not get dates:
(this post has been edited to add new links and comments)
(Link): Let’s ReThink Sex