Tim Challies Needs to Shut His Pie Hole about Many Things, but Especially About Dating, Marriage, Singleness, and Now, Equally Yoked

Tim Challies Needs to Shut His Pie Hole about Many Things, but Especially About Dating, Marriage, Singleness, and Now, Equally Yoked

Tim Challies is the doofus Christian blogger, speaker, and book author who has actually said garbage in the past such as “even fornicators are virgins now” (yeah, (Link): he really said that).

Also bear in mind:

(Link): Tim Challies, Who Is Fine With Single Adults Fornicating, Is Not Okay With Fake Sex on TV, As Portrayed by Married Actors

(Link):  Christians (such as Tim Challies and his wife) Want to Hold Adulterers Accountable but Give Adult Single Fornicators a Pass

Furthermore, Challies is so vested in his belief of “Christian gender complementarianism,” he doesn’t care that its “male headship” doctrine leads to domestic violence against women and often leads to pressuring women to staying in abusive marriages; you can read more about that here:

(Link, to “Internet Monk” site): Stuck With Their Noses In the Text

Challies is more interested in women obeying the “male headship” and female subordination articles of faith that comprise gender complementarianism than he is in the safety and well-being of women.

As such, if you are a single woman, do you REALLY want to take any sort of relationship advice from this kind of person who does not value YOU as a person?

I would hope not.

See this:

(Link):  Consider The Source: Christians Who Give Singles Dating Advice Also Regularly Coach Wives to Stay in Abusive Marriages

Here is the link to the Tim Challies “Equally Yoked” article on Christian Post site (with more remarks by me below the excerpts):

(Link): Tim Challies Warns Christians the ‘Bible Is Very Clear’ Not to Marry Unbelievers

Here are excerpts from that page:

“The Bible makes it very, very clear that a Christian can only marry another Christian. You may not marry somebody who is an unbeliever. You should not marry somebody for whom you’re not certain whether they’re a believer or not. So absolutely, the first thing is, is this person a believer in Jesus Christ? Do we share faith?” Challies advised Thursday in part two of his message on Christian dating.

“And you know, it can sound very easy, it can sound — that person’s almost there, or that person really loves me, and he’s promised he won’t interfere, or that kind of thing. You may not do it,” he asserted.

“And there’s very good reasons for that. These things may be easy now when you’re really in love with one another and you know, you’ll do anything to marry one another. It will at some point get more difficult and there will inevitably be consequences for marrying an unbeliever.”

As for Christians who have found potential Christian partners, he says, the other main issue is compatibility.

…Christian author John Stonestreet, a fellow of the Chuck Colson Center for Christian Worldview, also argued in an op-ed published in The Christian Post in September 2017 that “dating unbelievers deadens faith.”

“‘Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers,’ Paul reiterates in 2 Corinthians. Christian widows, he continues, are free to remarry, but ‘only in the Lord.'” Stonestreet added.
-(conclusion of excerpts)-

Regarding the headline, about Challies saying that the “Bible is very clear” about who Christians may marry, how clear is the Bible, really? See this post for more:

(Link): Christians Who Take the Bible Literally Cannot Agree On Much of Anything 

And these related posts:

(Link): Christians Can Never Agree On Anything – even minute, trivial stuff

(Link):  Gallup: Record Low 24% Believe Bible Is Literal Word of God (May 2017)

(Link):  Christians Who Can’t Agree on Who The Old Testament Is For and When or If It Applies

Also of note from that Christian Post article:

(Link): Pew Research Center figures from 2010–2014 found that nearly one-in-five Christians are married to an unaffiliated spouse.

The statistics showed that 61 percent of Christians are married to a spouse of the same religion, while 15 percent are married to one from a different Christian tradition.

Eighteen percent of believers were married to a spouse without a religious affiliation, and 6 percent were in other types of mixed marriages.
-(conclusion of excerpts)-

So, one in five are married to someone who is not of the Christian faith and/or not of the same branch of the faith – that is 20%?

I wouldn’t be surprised if that number doesn’t grow as time marches on. I really think Christians need to accept reality as it is, rather than constantly preaching at people to stick with some particular interpretation of the Bible – the same Bible none of them can even agree on.

It’s pretty easy to preach at young, teen, or 20- something singles to be “equally yoked”, but to a woman such as myself who is now over 45 years of age, this just does not work any more.

I don’t have decades of time ahead of me left in which to spouse hunt, or “wait on the Lord,” or whatever other crud Christians like to say to a person in my situation.

And if you are under 40 years of age right now and follow Challies’ advice, unless you’re one of the rare ones who God instructs to (Link): marry a bearded guy, you’re going to be single for much, much longer than you wanted.

In my case, it may also not hurt that I’m somewhat agnostic now, and not “totally Christian,” but even prior to my drift away from the Christian faith, I already realized how harmful and useless the “equally yoked” teaching is, especially to single Christian women who’d like to marry.

As I’ve said time and again on this blog over the last few years, there are more single, Christian women than males available, so for every Christian woman who even wants to be “equally yoked” there simply are no men for her to marry.

Some of my blog posts address this demographic glitch such as:

(Link): What Two Religions Tell Us About the Modern Dating Crisis (from TIME – applicable to Christians)

(Link):   How the Dating Scene Became Stacked Against Women – via CT, by Gina Dalfonzo

Then you have Christians who, on top of the Equally Yoked rule, stack ever more marriage-killing rules on top of that one, such as coming up with these absurdly, too-long, mate-selecting posts and lists:

(Link): On Christians Marrying Non Christians -and- Unrealistic, Too Rigid Spouse Selection Lists by Christians

(Link): Gender Complementarian Advice to Single Women Who Desire Marriage Will Keep Them Single Forever / Re: Choosing A Spiritual Leader

Many Christian men are abusive pigs or perverts, as I’ve been documenting in a long list of news stories on the blog:

(Link):  Marriage Does Not Make People More Loving Mature Godly Ethical Caring or Responsible (One Stop Thread) Confronting Refuting Correcting Rebutting Christian Propaganda Arguments Stereotypes About Marriage Married Matrimony

I’ve asked this before and will continue to ask it again, but as someone who wants to be married (I don’t care to remain single ’til the day I die “out of love to God”), if my chances in the future are between being proposed to by:

  1. A Christian man who looks at pornography, who will physically abuse me, have multiple affairs on me, be selfish, and/or have sex with dogs
  2. A loving, kind atheist man who will be faithful to me in a marriage, not beat on me, care about me and meeting my needs

Should I pick Man 1 or Man 2? Only an idiot or a glutton for punishment would choose choice 1, the religious abusive pervert.

As to Choice 1 on that list, again, I point you to (Link): this post, which is a COLLECTION going back a few years of news stories of married, Christian men (many of them preachers) who were caught having affairs, using child pornography, etc.

Staying single ’til the day I die is not an option, not if an opportunity for marriage exists, even if that man is a Non-Christian. Christians such as Tim Challies who keep promoting this “equally yoked” view no matter what it costs the single women who want marriage, are simply not dealing in reality.

And no, I do not give a rat’s ass about being rewarded in the after-life by God for remaining single rather than marrying an atheist. God can keep his rewards, I’d rather have happiness in THIS life time, which means marriage to anyone who is a good match for me, Christian or no.

By the way, Challies is a married guy. The last person that I want to take marriage advice from – in regards to, “hey single people who’d like to get married, follow my advice on how to get married” – is from a married guy.

Challies, your “equally yoked” propaganda may work on 20 year old earnest Christian singles, but not with this never-married, over age 45 single woman.

And if you’re an adult single past the age of 25, I’d encourage you to disregard “equally yoked” as well, if you are serious about getting married.

I am just incensed that Challies keeps writing about, or lecturing about the topics of sex, singleness, and marriage, when he gets so many of these views so very wrong, and has no idea what he’s talking about.

As for me, I stopped taking any advice on relationships from Christians a long time ago, but it hacks me off to see them spouting this garbage off, where naive Christian singles may be taking such horrible advice to heart.


Related Posts:

(Link): Decent Secular Relationship Advice: How to Pick Your Life Partner

(Link): The One Thing Evangelical Leaders Don’t Want Christians to Know about Mixed-Faith Marriages (two links).by C. Cassidy

(Link):  Consider The Source: Christians Who Give Singles Dating Advice Also Regularly Coach Wives to Stay in Abusive Marriages

(Link): Critique of Matt Chandler Sermon ‘Compromising a Godly Spouse Just to Get Married Yields ‘Heartbreak”  

(Link): I’m a Christian Married to an Atheist — Here’s How We Make It Work by S. Allen

(Link): Should Christian Women Marry Non Christian Men? (discussed at another blog)

(Link): Forget About Being ‘Equally Yoked’ – Article: ‘My Abusive ‘Christian’ Marriage’ (written by a lady at another blog)

(Link):  Celibate Christian Woman Asks Christian Host Why God Will Not Send Her a Husband

(Link):  Churches Used Adult Married Man Who Raped Teen as a Worship Team Member in their Church

(Link):  She Married a Christian Psychopath She Met Via a Dating Site

(Link):   Maryland Pastor Pushes Equally Yoked Doctrine – Which Only Promotes Unwanted Protracted Singleness

(Link):  ‘Deadly Wives’ Reality TV Series – ‘Very Devoted Christian’ Woman Who Held Bible Studies Drowned Her Husband in a Pool of Hydrochloric Acid

(Link):   Cheating Christian Man Tells Wife He is Not Built for Marriage – Take Carrie’s Advice On Cheating Jerks – Equally Yoked Is A Stupid Teaching

Hey, single Christian ladies, how would you like to be Equally Yoked to this:
(Link): Wife of Christian Preacher Shoots, Kills Him, Recounts Years of Physical and Sexual Abuse – So Much for the Equally Yoked Teaching and the Notion that Christian married sex is Mind Blowing

Hey, single Christian ladies, how would like to be Equally Yoked to a Christian guy like this:
(Link): Pastor charged in wife’s murder was headed to Europe to marry boyfriend, prosecutor says – Single Xtian Ladies: Kick that Be Equally Yoked Teaching to the Curb! Also: Marriage and Parenthood do not make people more godly or mature or loving or ethical

Hey, single Christian ladies, how would you like to be Equally Yoked to this, guys who like wife swapping:
(Link): Perverted Christian Married Couple Wants to “Wife Swap” (For Sex) With Other Christian Couple – Why Christians Need to Uphold Chastity / Celibacy For All People Even Married Couples Not Just Teens

Hey, single Christian ladies, how would you like to be Equally Yoked to this (I’d prefer to marry a Non Christian guy who doesn’t find animals a sexy turn on):
(Link): Christian Ladies: Be Equally Yoked to Christian Men Who Like To Have Sex With Dogs! (Re: Jerald Hill news story)

Hey, single Christian ladies, how would you like to be Equally Yoked to this:
(Link): American Teen Missionary [Christian guy] Raped Several Orphan Children in Africa, One As Young As Four – Being Equally Yoked is a Joke

Hey, single Christian ladies, how would you like to be Equally Yoked to this (I’d prefer an atheist who keeps it in his pants):
(Link): Married Southern Baptist and Calvinist Preacher and Father of Boy Exposes His Naked Penis to Teen Girl in Store

Hey, single Christian ladies, how’d you like to be Equally Yoked to this nutter:
(Link): Another Example of Why the Equally Yoked Teaching is A Joke for Single Christian Women : Baptist Preacher Arrested for Allegedly Fire Bombing Ex Girlfriend’s House While She Was In It

Hey single Christian ladies, how about this type of Christian guy:
(Link): Pro Ball Player Convicted for Kid Diddling Three Kids Claims to be an Outstanding Christian (and he’s married with a kid of his own) – again, why should Christian single gals limit themselves to only marrying Christian men? The Whole “Being Yoked Equally” thing is irrelevant and unduly limiting for singles

(Link): Christian Husband Raped, Beat His Wife, Made Her Sign “Slave Contract” – Why Christian Single Women Should Not Date or Marry Christian Men

(Link): Christian Host Pat Robertson Tells Christian Woman Who Married Christian Man Who Turned Out to Be Totally Unethical That She has Discernment of a Slug – Single Women: toss Be Equally Yoked teaching in the trash can

(Link):  ‘She Was A Sex Slave’: Wife of Preacher Reveals Horrific Torture At Hands Of Her Husband by L. Little

(Link):  Women: Stop Asking Pat Robertson For Romantic Relationship Advice – Whether You Are Divorced or Single  – Pat Robertson Replies to Letter from Four Time Divorced Woman Who Wants to Know If God Will Send Her a Non-Abusive Husband

(Link):  Some Christians Have Some Very Strange, Unsettling,  Creepy, or Authoritarian Ideas About Marriage, Divorce, or Mate Selection – and they think they should make your life choices for you

(Link):  Christians Advise Singles To Follow Certain Dating Advice But Then Shame, Criticize, or Punish Singles When That Advice Does Not Work

(Link): A Critique of – 10 Men Christian Women Should Never Marry by J. Lee Grady / And on Christians Marrying Non Christians -and- Unrealistic, Too Rigid Spouse Selection Lists by Christians

(Link): Want To But Can’t – The One Christian Demographic Being Continually Ignored by Christians Re: Marriage

(Link): How Christian Teachings on Marriage/ Singleness/ Gender Roles/ Dating Are Keeping Christian Singles Single

(Link): Does God Require Singles to Be Perfect Before He Will Send Them a Spouse

(Link): Typical Incorrect Conservative Christian Assumption: If you want marriage bad enough, Mr. Right will magically appear

(Link): A Critique of – 10 Men Christian Women Should Never Marry by J. Lee Grady / And on Christians Marrying Non Christians -and- Unrealistic, Too Rigid Spouse Selection Lists by Christians

(Link): More Christian Dating Advice (for teens) That Will Keep Singles Single (book: Dateable by Justin Lookadoo)

(Link):   The Selfish, Lazy Husband Who Kept Blowing Off His Stressed Wife to Go on World War 2 Reenactments – Male Entitlement in Relationships: Why Women Divorce Men – and Churches and Culture Support This Male Entitlement

4 thoughts on “Tim Challies Needs to Shut His Pie Hole about Many Things, but Especially About Dating, Marriage, Singleness, and Now, Equally Yoked”

  1. Yes i agree with you, i think this whole courting thing that is popular among certain evangelical groups does not work either very well.

    When i was single and before i got engaged, i dated non-christians, i dated all kinds of guys. I went on alot of dates, blind dates, set-ups, etc… I was very blessed to meet my husband and he happens to be a Christian and we have been married over 20 years. I even went on a date with an atheist, though that was a deal breaker for me, but he would have liked to continue dating me despite me being a Christian.

    I agree the “equaly yoked” rule is going to leave a lot of people single for the rest of their lives. Their are just not enough Christian guys out there for all of the single women.

    One of my closest friends is 50 and has never been married, she mourns not ever having children.

    I don’t know what the solution is to this, but i find it very sad.

    1. Hey again.

      In my last reply to you, I made a typeo.

      I said I had “always wanted to be single’ – I meant, I had always wanted to be married!

      I have no idea why I typed in “single” rather than “married.” I should edit that and fix it.

      I’m between the ages of 45 – 50 right now.

      I was engaged in my early 30s, but the guy I was engaged to was a very dim-witted, financially irresponsible self-absorbed jackass, so I broke up with him.

      I wrote about my ex fiance in this long blog post (“I Was A Potted Plant”)

      There was another woman who left a few comments here on my blog a couple of years ago, she was in her late 40s, if I remember correctly.

      She said she always wanted to have kids of her own but it never happened.

      She was distressed that many other Christians didn’t truly believe the miracles of the Bible… she was still holding on to hope that she’d get married soon and be able to get pregnant.

      She told me when she shared this with other Christians, they would sort of scoff, because women over 45 can’t get pregnant, they were saying. She said, but these were the same Christians who told her they believed Sarah in the Bible getting pregnant at 90 or 100 or whatever.

      She was like, why do they believe miracles happened for people 5,000 years ago but they’re not for us today? (The blog post of mine she left this comment under was sort of about that topic). I told her, I don’t know, but I’m sorry that she was still single and childless, and I was sorry that Christians she met weren’t being more encouraging of her dream.

      Anyhow. Maybe I’ll get married eventually… I hope.

      But I no longer buy into the Equally Yoked stuff.

      Or those stories I periodically hear by Christian women who give this Supernatural Fairy Tale of how they met, such as this lady

      I’m sorry about your friend who is 50 who is still single and childless but who wanted marriage and kids. Goodness knows she’s not likely to get much empathy or support from most Churches – most churches revere marriage to the point they turn it into an idol and marginalize singles / childless. I have tons of links on my blog about that, too.

  2. I am married, and i never had to struggle with extended singleness for i got married at 21, i am now 42. So i do not know how it feels to be single for very long, but i am sure that if i was still single at 42, i would not be happy at all.

    First i am married but my husband and i chose not to have children either, so we are childfree.

    I am a Christian, but i am no longer an evangelical, i don’t know exactly where i fall in as far as doctrine.

    I agree 100% with you regarding the “unequally yoked”, if i was single i would most assuredly be open to dating someone that was nominal Christian or an agnostic. I think that if women are looking for the stereotypical Godly Christian man, they are going to stuck at being single for a long time.

    I don’t fit the the stereotypical Christian for i am pro-choice but i am also a Conservative on other issues and i am Childfree.

    I feel like i understand you and your thought processes are alot like mine.

    I really do feel for all of those women that are still single, it must be so heartwrenching.

    1. Hi, Gladys.
      There are several themes on my blog here, and this protracted singleness and unequally yoked rule Christian teaching are just a couple. I have many more posts on my blog about this stuff.

      I wish I had tuned out Christian teaching when I was younger, because I really believe that listening to that dreck – like what Tim Challies (he’s a Christian author and blogger) spouts off – played a big role in why I’m still single to this day.

      Most Christians, especially the conservative ones, claim to be “pro marriage” and to be alarmed by declining marriage rates in the United States, but they erect all these counter productive rules that keep singles from getting married, such as Equally Yoked!!

      But yeah, I’m fed up with it. I had always wanted to be married. At this stage in life, so long as a guy I meet treats me nice, and we’re compatible, I will marry him, and it won’t particularly matter to me what religion he professes.

      (posted edited by Christian Pundit to fix typing mistake)

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