Annie Murphy’s Sex and Relationship Column Gives Some Fantastic Advice About “Losing Your Virginity” by Princess Weekes
In my several years of blogging here about sexually related topics – celibacy and virginity included – this is only about the third or fourth article I’ve seen by liberals (this site I quote below, The Mary Sue, leans left) discouraging “virgin shaming,” and encouraging women to remain virgins if they want to.
Respecting virginity is very rare these days – virginity usually gets mocked – and this is especially true of liberal feminists, but even right wingers and conservative Christians are pretty bad about this subject.
I’ve never understood how “sex positive” feminists can hold such a double standard – they run about insisting that culture respects any and all female decisions regarding sex, but they always make an exception regarding virginity. Like (Link): this, for example. Many “sex positive” feminists are just fine with ridiculing women who are virgins by choice.
by Princess Weekes
Feelings about sex and virginity are very individualized. Everyone matures at a different level, and even though we claim to live in a sex-positive era, there is still a level of judgment when it comes to people who are virgins.
In her amazing sex/relationship column, Ask AnnieThing, actress Annie Murphy of Schitt’s Creek answers a question from a reader who is 22, a virgin, and feels behind because of it.
Q: I’m 22 years old and—yikes!—still a super virgin. I’ve tried dating through apps and have had no success because everyone seems to be looking for an “instant gratification” that I can’t give them. I feel so behind the curve.
How do I date when everyone I meet expects to have sex right away? Should I feel badly for being a virgin when my peers are sexually active?
Murphy’s answer, which you should definitely check out in (Link): full, is amazing and hilarious, but here are some of my favorite bits from the response:
“Here is my short answer: No, no, NO. You should absolutely, positively not feel badly for being a virgin at ANY age.
… There are lots of fun, sexy things to do that don’t have to involve losing your virginity. Laser tag and handjobs, for example.
“[…] Be honest about your virginity. Let things happen on your own terms. Losing your virginity doesn’t have to be “special” in the sense that you should spend 10 years crocheting a blanket upon which you shall be deflowered, but it certainly should be special in the sense that you are in control of, and comfortable with the situation when it happens. Go forth!!”
What I enjoy so much about Murphy’s response is that it makes it very clear that a person’s virginity should mean whatever they want it to mean. Bring sex-positive doesn’t just mean ending slut-shaming, it also means not treating people who don’t want to have sex, for whatever reason, as if they are prudish or cold.
Regardless of whether someone is asexual, waiting for marriage, or just waiting for the right time/date/location, virginity does not define someone’s worth, sexually or otherwise. It’s not something anybody should be ashamed of.
(Link): (Liberal Feminist) Marcotte on Anyone Choosing To Be a Virgin Until Marriage: “It’s a Silly Idea” – What Progressive Christians, Conservative Christians, Non Christians, and Salon’s Amanda Marcotte Gets Wrong About Christian Views on Virginity