So Can You F*ck?’: What It’s Like to Online Date With a Disability by S. Kim
I deplore crass and vulgar language up front from men on dating sites.
There is no way I’d even consider dating a guy who uses a phrase such as “can you f-ck” when contacting me on a dating site. Men who talk like this, and who see nothing wrong with it, are garbage.
If you are absolutely dead set on learning if someone with a physical disability can get it on, there are far less crude and offensive ways of inquiring. And I would think it’s extremely tacky to inquire on a first or second contact.
Most people have experienced rejection, but it never gets easier when it’s based on something about yourself that you can’t control or change.
by S. Kim
It’s not news that lots of women receive ridiculous and misogynistic messages on dating apps, especially on Tinder. But as a 22-year-old with cerebral palsy, I get one at least twice a week.
“So can you f*ck?”
“But you look normal in your pictures.”
Since I rely on my wheelchair only for transport and can walk independently, I don’t have that many pictures of myself in it. I live in this in-between area where my disability isn’t that severe but is still noticeable.
As soon as I disclose my disability to potential dates, one of the first questions they often ask is if I’m capable of performing sexual activities.
Every person with a disability is different, but able-bodied people often have a one-size-fits-all notion of them; they often mistakenly think people with disabilities aren’t capable of independence or being sexually active.
It is in part because of this mindset that people with disabilities often date much later in life than their non-disabled peers do, and their rate of marriage is half the national average.
Although there is no augmented data on how many people with disabilities are on online dating sites, chances of being “matched” with someone with a disability are relatively high.
According to the U.S. Department of Labor, people with disabilities make up the nation’s largest minority group, comprising almost 50 million individuals. That adds up to a little over 19 percent of the U.S. population. Does having a disability, or at least revealing it, need to be a deal-breaker on dating apps?