Dear Abby: Friends Push Overweight Woman To Date But Offer No Help
(Link): Dear Abby: Friends Push Overweight Woman To Date But Offer No Help
I’m 37 and still single. I have never been able to keep a guy around very long. They have all given me different reasons, but the main theme is that I’m “too independent and better as a friend.”
I’ve kept some of my exes as friends, so there haven’t been hard feelings. I have accepted that I’m going to always be alone.
I have come to terms with it and made a fairly decent life for myself.
My issue is, everyone keeps insisting there’s someone out there for me.
But when I’ve asked them to help set me up on dates or introduce me to a friend, they haven’t been willing, even though they’ve done it for others many times.
I “get” that I’m fat and not attractive, so maybe they don’t think I’m worthy of dating their guy friends. But how do I get them to stop pushing me to date, especially when they won’t help?
I also hate it when they ask me why I’m not a mom yet when I would be such a good one. Uh, hello! It takes two to make a baby!
I have lost friends over this since it’s tough to hang around with people who pity me for being solo and can’t accept me for who I am. What do I do?
Your “friends” sound like a-holes. Abby’s take:
Tell these friends you know they think they are trying to help when they say these things, but the truth is it makes you feel terrible and to please stop.
Next, recognize that the time has come to enlarge your circle of friends. While it’s true there may be a special someone out there for you, the chances are slim to none that he’ll find you hanging out with this group.
You are by far not the only overweight individual in this great nation of ours, and many of them are happily coupled up. Nobody has everything. People who focus on their positive qualities and make an effort to develop them are attractive.
If you stop dwelling on your perceived flaws and work to develop the things you have to offer, the results may surprise you. (This goes for both sexes.)
(Link): Grieving widow doesn’t need to start dating in order to heal
(Link): Evangelical Adoptions: Churches Are AWOL in Helping Parents of Special Needs Kids by Julia Duin – Churches Are Useless (and Not Just Re: Adoptive Families)
(Link): 34 Year Old Single Woman Harassed by Relatives at Wedding Over Why She Is Not Married Yet Asks How To Get Them to STFU About Her Singleness
(Link): Stop Telling Your Single Friends to Try Dating Sites – Please.
(Link): Christians Who Marry Non-Believers Must Be Ex-Communicated, Says John Piper
(Link): ‘My 600-lb Life’ Participants Not Only Lose Pounds, They Also Lose Their Husbands
(Link): Christians Advise Singles To Follow Certain Dating Advice But Then Shame, Criticize, or Punish Singles When That Advice Does Not Work
(Link): ‘Why Are You Single’ Lists That Do Not Pathologize Singles
(Link): Unmarried / Single People Are Supposedly Bitter & Have Too Much Baggage – and that’s why you’re still single they say
(Link): Thirty Year Old Woman Kills Herself Due to Being Single and Childless – Churches contribute to this by either Ignoring adult singles or shaming them for being single and childless
(Link): The Reason Why Men Marry Some Women And Not Others by D. Brennan
(Link): Widower to Advice Columnist Talks about Being Stereotyped by Married Couples or Ignored by Other Marrieds Since His Wife has Died
(Link): Idiot Assumes His 44 Year Old Sister Is A Lesbian Because She’s Never Been Married
(Link): I’m Single, But I’m Still a Whole Person (article)
(Link): My Parents Excluded Me When I Was Single — Now They’re Doing It to My Sister (Ask Amy Column)
(Link): A Long Time Single Responds to a ‘Why You’re Not Married’ Article
(Link): Myths About Never Married Adults Over Age 40
(Link): Slut? Selfish? Sad? No, just a single woman (editorial)
(Link): Dad Buys Full-Page $900 Newspaper Ad Seeking a Wife for His 48 Year Old, Never Married Son
(Link): Singles Shaming Mother: Her Sons are in their 30s, Great Guys, But She’s Freaking Because They’re Not Married (letter to Hax columnist)
(Link): Depressing Testimony: “I Was A Stripper but Jesus Sent Me A Great Christian Husband”