The Entitled, Insensitive Comments Left by Entitled Christian Mothers, and the Men Who Support Them, Under the Post ‘Don’t Ask Moms To Stand In Church This Sunday (Mother’s Day)’

The Entitled, Insensitive Comments Left by Entitled Christian Mothers, and the Men Who Support Them, Under the Post ‘Don’t Ask Moms To Stand In Church This Sunday (Mother’s Day)’

As of 2018, the snotty entitlement and insensitivity of some mothers – and Christian men who support them – continues.

I’ve been blogging about this topic for a few years now on this blog. It makes me sad to see this still going on.

DefendTheSheep (person on Twitter) tweeted out a link to this reasonable essay imploring Christians to be more sensitive towards those who find the Mother’s Day holiday painful. Link to that:

(Link): Don’t Ask Moms To Stand in Church This Sunday

My problem is not with the essay itself.

As a matter of fact, I encourage you to click the link above to visit the page and read it.

My problem was with some of the hideous comments various people left below the page.

Some of the comments were just incredibly insensitive or very mistaken about why some people find Mother’s Day – especially when it’s celebrated during church services – to be hurtful or stressful.

Christians often like to teach that parenthood and marriage are necessary to make people more giving and loving and compassionate, but that is not so. The married parents leaving comments under blog posts such as the one I am discussing here are very selfish and entitled – being parents has done nothing to make them more loving, caring, or empathetic.

I left several remarks on the page myself, most in response to the other people there, but last I saw, my posts remained in moderation. I do not know if the blog page author will approve my comments to appear or not.

It’s Not Political Correctness

Several of the people who left comments below the essay claimed that anyone who asks for the practice to be curtailed or handled delicately were being “P.C.” (politically correct).

No, they’re not being politically correct.

Political correctness is the province of the left. I am a right winger and always have been, so I am not given to being “P.C.”

This has nothing to do with being “P.C.” and everything to do with being empathetic.

Many of the mothers and others who left comments on the page are quite insistent that churches should honor mothers during church services on Mother’s Day come across as very demanding and entitled.

They have a lot of audacity expecting anyone who finds the holiday painful to happily oblige and sit through a church service honoring the day.

Some leaving comments below that essay accuse the “Non- Mother’s- Day- in- Churches” individuals of being selfish, when the reverse is true.

These mothers and their male supporters want everyone at their churches to bow down to them. They want public recognition, which is self absorbed and egotistical.

They are unwilling to forgo the observance of a secular holiday – which Mother’s Day is (Mother’s Day is not a biblically sanctioned observance) – during church services, because they feel entitled to, or due, being applauded or recognized by an entire congregation.

These selfish dolts care more about gaining recognition than they do that their ego strokes come at the expense of the broken hearts of those around them who may be having a difficult time dealing with the holiday.

It’s easier to be happy than sad.

It’s easier to sit through a church service about mothers if you are happily a mother, than to be a person forced to sit through such a service if you are infertile, your mother is recently deceased, or you’re a mother whose adult children are estranged or deceased.

If Mother’s Day is celebrated in a church service, who suffers most, the person dealing with something sorrowful, such as constant miscarriages, or the mother with several healthy kids who gets a Starbucks gift card?

How much pain or suffering does one go through accepting a gift card or flowers during a church service? I’d say absolutely none.

What if your church refuses to celebrate Mother’s Day, so that you go without public acknowledgement or a carnation flower, how much pain will you be in? None, that’s how much.

You may walk out feeling offended, annoyed, miffed, or disappointed if you had hoped for a Mother’s Day sermon or you had hoped to receive a carnation from an usher, but chances are you’re not going to head out to your car after the services crying or feeling wounded or deeply offended.

It’s easier to deal with disappointment over not receiving a trivial- something- positive or good (such as being celebrated, receiving a flower or gift card), than it is to deal with a deep psychological stab to the heart or soul, like being reminded that your mother is dead, or you cannot conceive a baby, or you cannot carry a baby to term, or you never found your Mr. Right, so you could not have children.

Christians Celebrate Motherhood Year Round, Not Just On Mother’s Day

As I’ve noted many times at that other blog and on this one, churches already celebrate mothers and motherhood year round.

American Christians do not confine the celebration and reverence for motherhood to Mother’s Day only – they push motherhood constantly, to the point they imply and suggest that women who never marry or never have kids are flawed, a failure, or losers. (Sometimes some churches just completely ignore childless or child-free women altogether, which is also hurtful.)

And who wants to sit through celebrations, speeches, or what have you, that are implying you are not supposedly living up to God’s best, or that you are some kind of failed freak?

A Woman’s Value Does Not Come From Marriage or Motherhood

Furthermore, it’s quite sexist to teach or imply as pastors do – by the constant focus on motherhood, which reaches an apex in some churches on Mother’s Day – that a woman’s only or primary value resides in having sex with a man and popping out a baby.

A woman does not need to have a baby to have value or worth.

Churches place such an emphasis upon motherhood they are basically deifying motherhood, something the Bible does not do.

Protestant and Baptist churches have turned Motherhood, as well as Marriage, into Golden Calves, into False Gods.

All The Attention in Churches Already Goes to Married Mothers and Fathers

Most all American church ministries, sermons, and social events are already constructed around babies, children, married couples, motherhood, fatherhood, and “The Family.”

Churches do not expend near the same amount of energy, funding, or effort honoring, assisting, or celebrating never-married adults, the child-free, the childless, the divorced, or the widowed.

I have yet to sit through a church service that hands out flowers to anyone over the age of 30 who has never married, who is divorced, who is child-free, or who is widowed.

I’ve never sat through a sermon extolling the wonders of adult singleness and how wonderful it is that celibates over the age of 30 are so faithful to God by honoring him with their sexual purity.

All or None

If your church is not going to honor and celebrate all at corporate gatherings, none should be singled out for attention. None.

Baby Showers

As I noted on the other blog, usually, when most women send out announcements that they are pregnant, their friends, family and co-workers immediately send them congratulatory cards, presents, take them out to lunch to celebrate, and throw them baby showers.

Mothers in American culture already get a lot of attention and celebration from both Christian and secular culture. Mothers do not need even more acknowledgement than they already receive.

As a never-married, childless woman, I’ve never, ever been applauded by any church for being single and childless. I’ve never received a carnation or gift card for being childless and single.

I’ve learned to live without the affirmation, flowers, gift cards, or kudos from churches for my life station, so mothers can learn to live without it as well.

Weeping With Those Who Weep

Christians do a miserable job of “weeping with those who weep.”

Christians already excel at “rejoicing with those who rejoice.”

Christians love rejoicing with mothers, especially new mothers.

What is easier, more fun, more pleasant, and less time consuming,

  • giving a new mother a card and some flowers during a single church service, or
  • investing months of visiting a woman in grief because her mother died, or she is infertile, to sit alongside her for an hour or so per visit and to just sit there and hold her hand while she cries?

You cannot just give a woman a card and some flowers and bingo! she will instantly be over the grief over losing a baby or a mother, or having adult children who are dead or estranged.

Comforting a hurting woman will take more time than most Christians (who are deeply selfish) are ready to commit to.

And besides, it’s such a total a kill-joy to sit next to a sobbing person who is emotionally falling apart over some kind of loss or failed dream, am-I-right?

It’s just so much more fun to hand out flowers to mothers during church, or to host baby showers and give a mom-to-be cute little onesies. (*Barf*)

Why don’t all you sad, mourning women just shut up already about your infertility and dead mothers or your inability to meet a suitable mate to have kids with and get on with things, and pretend to be happy for all the mommies, who need the public recognition and carnation flowers, or they will just fall apart? (*Barf 2*)

You sad, mourning women have NO IDEA what pain is – so you want to have children, but the doctor said it’s not possible, or your mother died a year ago and it hurts like hell, what do YOU know about pain?
Real pain is being a mother to happy, well-adjusted kids and not getting a carnation flower or a J.C. Penny gift card at a church service in front of everyone on Mother’s Day. That’s true pain.  (*Barf 3*)

No Gift Cards or Church Public Recognition for the Single or the Grieving

Christians did not grieve with me when my mother died a few years ago, and I reached out to them for emotional support.

No church has ever given me a flower or gift card for getting through the death of my mother all alone.

Yet, and yet, selfish mothers and selfish men on Christian blogs berate me and people like me, yelling at me that mothers are “owed” the attention, and they try to depict me and folks like me as being selfish.

Captive Audience

Bear in mind that church services consist of a captive audience.

While on one level church visitation is voluntary – nobody puts a gun to your head and forces you to attend – you are still forced to endure whatever topic the preacher of the church chooses to focus upon.

And I’d rather not have to sit through yet another sermon or flower give-away on Mother’s Day, nor do I enjoy being subjected to the services where all new Mommies are asked to step forward.

I attended one Baptist church once – and this was not on Mother’s Day, nor was it announced beforehand that this would occur (had I known, I would’ve skipped church on that day) – where the pastor asked mothers of new-born babies to step forward. They did so.

The pastor then gave the mothers of new-born infants certificates, prayed over them, gave them flowers, and so on.

I drove home from that service in tears. At first I could not figure out why I was crying, but it dawned on me: I was ambushed by the type of public acknowledgement that only served to remind me I was still alone and not married yet.

Nobody Gets Through Grief and Loss by Being Forced to Celebrate Other People’s Good Fortunes

It’s absurd and selfish to tell people such as me to learn to deal with pain, loss, and suffering to sit through inflicted pain by a pastor during a service that honors the very thing that we find painful or that reminds us of our loss. And yet, at least one or two commentators on the page did suggest this most idiotic thing.

For example, in my case, my mother died – and it hurt like hell. I had to deal with the grief alone, for years.

Do not sit there and tell someone in my position that having to sit through a Mother’s Day service at a church would be “good” for me, because it would make me stronger in some way, or help me to cope with the loss – because it has the opposite effect, I can assure you.

For the first few years after my mother died, I did not so much even care to watch television commercials that advertised “buying flowers for mom.” If I found it unbearable to watch such reminders on TV, at home where I could flip the channel, what in the hell makes you think I’d want to, or be able to endure, this sort of thing sitting in a pew in a church on a Sunday morning where it would be even more up close, personal and in my face?

You do not ask a woman to deal with the loss of her mother – or a miscarriage – by expecting her to plant a fake smile on her face and pretend to be happy during a service where a pastor is handing out free gifts to the women attending whose mothers are still alive or who have living children. That is cruel.

Even the Bible instructs that a person gets through pain and grief via a process – it’s a process that takes years – and it helps to have someone sit next to you during the grief and just hold your hand while you cry.

Off hand, from what I can recollect, I’d have to say no-where does the Bible teach or command anyone to deal with their pain over death, infertility, miscarriage, or any other type of loss, by forcing themselves to honor or celebrate someone else’s success or gain over the very thing they are hurting about, during the greatest point of their grief.

The people who suggest that a woman deal with miscarriage, not finding Mr. Right, or grief over a dead mother, by hopping up and down in forced glee over women in a church service whose moms are alive or who have kids are their own, are clueless, insensitive,  unrealistic, and idiotic.

You have no idea how a healthy grieving process works in most people. Educate yourself.

One gets over loss and grief by crying it out, perhaps seeing a therapist to talk it out, having one’s pain recognized and validated by a caring empathetic friend in private – not by attending group events where flowers are handed out to giddy, joyful people.

Some points to ponder (some of these I mentioned on the other blog):

  •  “Honor your mother and father” is a command given to each individual to be carried out in private, it’s not meant to be a public ceremony.
    “Honor your mother” is not a biblical directive aimed at churches, where-in every one in a church gathering is commanded to honor YOU for YOUR motherhood, nor is it intended for me to honor YOUR mother, or for you to honor MY mother.That is NOT what the verse “honor your mother” is referring to. That verse is referring to YOU honoring YOUR mother in YOUR life on YOUR time, not in a church in front of everyone.
  • Nothing is preventing you from celebrating Mother’s Day outside of church.
    Take your mother out to lunch or dinner after church or give her a card before the church service – rather than exposing infertile women or grieving women in your church to painful reminders.That way, nobody gets hurt. Your mother gets celebrated and honored, and the women (and men) experiencing loss don’t get salt poured into their wounds.
  • Church women groups can get the pastor to announce on Mother’s Day from the pulpit, for any interested, that the women’s group will hold an after-church gathering honoring mothers in the church kitchenette, where free flowers will be handed out to mothers, or to any woman who wants one.
    That way, one gets to choose whether one participates in such an event or not.
    The mothers get their stupid flowers and their recognition, and the ones who don’t want the reminder don’t have it shoved in their faces. Another win-win scenario.

Comments

Here are some of the comments on that page, by rude people who have turned Motherhood and Mother’s Day into idols – some of my replies are repetitive, because I don’t know how much, if any, of my comments will be approved to appear by the blog owner.

Note this first set: some guy named Kevin left a comment, and I replied to him:

Kevin said,
“The church is about dealing with and helping the messiness of every life every day of the year. One day a year they set aside to honour a God-given role of great importance called motherhood, and those who fulfill it.“

(My reply to Kevin):

Every woman deserves to be honored, not just women who gave birth. Women should not be reduced to just their biological parts that are capable of pregnancy, which is what a view such as yours suggests.

And nope, it’s not really just “one day a year.”

American Protestants, Baptists, and other assorted conservative Christians make motherhood (and marriage and the Nuclear Family) an idol they worship year round.

Pro-Nuclear Family rhetoric and acknowledgement comes all year round in the United States, in various Christian sermons, books, radio, blogs, magazines, pod casts, etc.

When is the last time you heard a sermon focusing on singleness or celibacy, one that honored the childless singles and celibates in your congregation? Probably never.

Yet, as a single and celibate adult, I’ve had to endure numerous pro-Family and pro – Motherhood Christian (and secular) speeches and sermons (and not just on Mother’s Day, but the entire year).

Kevin said,
“Our pain and personal lives are ours to deal and heal with through God, but do not give us the right to belittle, bemoan, or begrudge someone else who gets recognized.”

(My reply to Kevin):

How about this translation of what you said:
“Our personal accomplishments, such as giving birth, are ours to deal with through God, and on our own time, but do not give us a right to belittle, bemoan, or begrudge someone else who says they find having to sit through a secular holiday such as Mother’s Day being observed in a church service to be insensitive.”

Kevin said,
“To not want to recognize mothers specifically on Mother’s Day because it doesn’t recognize me or someone else, is pettiness and self seeking in the extreme.“

(My reply to Kevin):

No, it’s not, Kevin. Your view is petty and self-seeking, as are the Mothers who bray the loudest about feeling entitled to getting handed a carnation or gift card in front of a congregation during a church service on Mother’s Day.

Most Christians are myopic on this issue. They want to recognize and applaud Mothers day in and day out (not just on Mother’s Day), but they don’t recognize and award single adults, the divorced, widows, the child-free, the infertile, etc.

You’re asking for one or two groups to be singled out (mothers and fathers) while entire other groups are ignored or over-looked, which is showing favoritism, and the Bible forbids favoritism, as does common decency.

Kevin said,
“The call of scripture is to rejoice with others, not just to suffer with others. When we as a church are too busy suffering with others to rejoice with some, we are in a spiritually impoverished state that encourages people to only look at success if it is their own”

(My reply to Kevin):

I don’t think a forced observance within a church service of a secular holiday such as Mother’s Day (or Father’s Day) is what the Bible is talking about when it says to “rejoice with others.”

Also, most women are already “rejoiced with” when they announce a pregnancy, because their friends, aunts, and sisters throw them a baby shower.

Know how many people have thrown me a shower for being single and childless, for graduating college etc, Kevin? Zero. (And I have survived just fine.)

How many secular holidays exist for honoring the single and childless, and how many church services are performed for such? Zero. (And I have survived just fine.)

How often do churches perform services acknowledging the divorced, never married, child free, childless? Never. (And I have survived just fine.)

When my mother died several years ago, and I was in deep grief, no Christians wept with me. My grief was treated like an annoying nuisance.

Christians do not suffer with those who suffer, but those of us who suffer and go ignored by the Christian community are berated for not wanting to sit through mandatory mommy-honoring services.

Most American Christians like to party and celebrate things perceived as happy clappy, such as Motherhood, and do so often. They don’t like to sit and cry with the one who is hurting.

Why don’t churches perform services celebrating Aunts, Uncles, and second cousins?

// end exchange with Kevin

Bhreagh said,
“I by no means think we should completely over look the struggles and stories of women but I do believe we still should be allowed to celebrate and encourage others without fear of retribution…”

(My reply to Bhreagh)

There are no church services recognizing single women, the infertile, divorced, etc., yet women who find Mother’s Day services hurtful are asked to show up and participate and endure. It’s an unfair double standard.

I, as a never- married, childless woman who am already subjected – (and for a life time have been subjected) – to pro- motherhood messages from the various Baptist churches I’ve attended, do not want to sit through yet another one.

Christian culture is absolutely saturated with “pro family” messages – constantly. Women (and men) who don’t marry and/or do not have kids are basically ignored, shoved aside year round (not just on Mother’s Day and Father’s Day). The “family” (and kids, marriage, motherhood) have been turned into false idols by many Christians.

Celebrate motherhood on your own time, but don’t force other women to have to sit through a corporate worship service on a Sundy that is devoted to nothing but motherhood.
It’s rude and insensitive to women in the congregation attending who have dead mothers, abusive mothers, who are infertile, who are childless by circumstance (ie, unable to marry), etc.

[Aside: “fear of retribution”? What does she think is going to happen, that those of us who disagree with worshipping Motherhood, especially on Mom’s Day in church, are going to punch her in the face, or beat her in the knee caps with a tire iron, or what?]
//end

I think I may have also left this for Bhreagh:

– But why does your motherhood status have to be celebrated or affirmed during a church service, especially when it may hurt some other women present?

– When you announced you were pregnant, I’d bet anything your friends and family had a baby shower for you, or folks at least sent you baby presents or cards saying “Congratulations.”

– So, your pregnancy and Mother status was already celebrated and recognized.

– Why is having your motherhood acknowledged every single year after that, during a church service on Mother’s Day, necessary? I do not see that it is.

– For those who may respond that “motherhood is difficult,” well, I’m sure it is, and it’s tiring, but most women chose to become mothers. You weren’t forced into it.

– I am a never-married and childless woman past the age of 45 and there are not secular or church services that celebrate being single or childless, so I don’t see why married women with kids feel this need or entitlement, especially when it comes at the expense of the feelings of the single or infertile women sitting next to you in a church service.
/// end

Comment by Bruce

Bruce Higgs says

May 8, 2018 at 9:53 pm
This is just being PC in church just so someones feelings don’t get hurt? This is in line with giving all players a participation trophy just for being on the team. Life isn’t fair. Honor those who should be honored. God is in control of all things. We all have had feelings hurt when others didn’t know. How we deal with it helps build character. If it hurts give honor to those being honored and rejoice with them.
/// end

Reply to Bruce:

Sandy Flewelling says

May 9, 2018 at 12:07 pm
It’s not about being PC. It’s about recognizing that fertility issues have been a difficult subject for women for all of history. Have you noticed the number of stories of women in the Bible that center around those who are grieving their inability to have a child? Or who base their worth on their ability to reproduce? Whether they handled their circumstances well (Hannah) or not (Rachel), we still have to recognize that this is a core issue for women and it’s one that is deeply complicated. No one is asking that mothers not be honored. All the author is asking for is KINDNESS in how we approach it.
//end

One of my replies to Bruce Higgs:

Your comment is awaiting moderation.

Bruce, I’m conservative so I’m not prone to being P.C. (politically correct).
I’d ask you to scroll back up this page and read the replies (if the blog owner publishes them) I’ve left for others.

Mother’s Day is a secular holiday, it’s not a biblically mandated holiday (the “honor your mother” commandment is for each individual and not intended to be forced upon a congregation as a whole, where I have to celebrate your mother, and vice versa), and preachers should not foist it upon a captive audience during a church service.

Families can celebrate Mother’s Day outside of a church setting, such as, by giving any mothers they know a card prior or after a church service, or taking their mothers to a lunch or dinner outside of church hours.
//end

Partial quote by Seth P (I am not pasting in his entire remark, this is only part of it):

Seth Pitman says

May 9, 2018 at 3:29 pm
While agree that all of the emotions you describe in the article are real, valid, and should be addressed with sensitivity, I do not agree with the idea of being so PC about motherhood and fatherhood.

I believe the family and marriage should be celebrated as the intended institution between a man and a woman and their children.

Other than infertility, it is sin that has caused all the outlying factors you mentioned. Single mothers, single dads, step-mothers, etc…NOT that these women are in sin perse, but because of sin in the world, these situations exist.

Perhaps if the church embraced and celebrated godly motherhood AND the single mothers, step-mothers, foster-mothers, and so on–then maybe we can begin to repair the institution of the family.

I see no problem on Sunday morning recognizing mothers and those who are in the motherly role from the pulpit. If a couple is trying to have kids and cannot, recognizing mothers will not be anymore painful than watching kids play in the streets, or sitting through a baby/parent dedication Sunday, or a children’s ministry program on Sunday morning, etc. Please hear me, I am not minimizing their feelings.

…With all that said, the church should do a better job at comforting and counseling those mentioned in the article–and it shouldn’t be only around Mother’s Day. The family–mothers, fathers,and children–should be celebrated and equipped year round from the church. Mothers, mothers-in-waiting, and those trying or in-between that are reading this comment, I pray you hear my heart.
///end

By the way, a lot of infertile women have said they DO find it painful seeing children playing in the streets, or seeing photos of babies in advertisements for cribs and so on.

I personally found it difficult one Sunday to sit through a surprise “baby honoring” ceremony and cried on the way home, because that idiotic ceremony reminded me I was still single.

Shows you how much Seth knows.

Here’s what I said to Seth:

Seth Pitman, American Baptist and Protestant churches already marginalize adult single celibates and the childless, such as myself, who never married and had kids.

Churches have turned “the family” (including motherhood) into a deity they worship – motherhood is a false god to many conservative Christians, something they need to repent of.

Christians worship motherhood year round, not just on Mother’s Day. They send a false, unbiblical message that a woman’s only worth is in marrying and having a kid, which really excludes those of us who never married, never had a kid, for whatever the reason.

A lot of women (and some men) find Mother’s Day (and Father’s Day) church services too emotionally hurtful to attend, so they avoid church on that day. Is that really what you want, placing your feeling of entitlement of getting your marital or parental status acknowledged over and above the feelings or attendance of non-parents? That is very selfish.

No Christian mother has ever keeled over dead from not receiving a carnation flower in front of a congregation on a Mother’s Day service, but plenty of women (and some men) have been deeply wounded to have to sit through such services – some even get up and leave early, or avoid church totally on such days.
//end

Alice Yewell says

May 9, 2018 at 6:04 pm
We all have mothers, the pastor should say anyone who had a mother or has a mother please stand.

This honouring of mothers on Mother’s Day always upset my father terribly because he recognized that not all women are mothers, but all mothers have children so we are all children of God and we all had mothers so the whole congregation should stand.

My father lived to be 96 years old and every Mother’s Day the same thing out of mothers heard  [hurt(?)] him terribly because of infidelity, loss of children etc.
//end

My comment to someone named Ian:

@ Ian.
Many women who are orphaned, or who had severely abusive mothers, or who have a recently deceased mother, will find a Mother’s Day church service too painful. I say ditch it altogether.

I cannot figure out why some people so slavishly defend the observance of a secular holiday (Mother’s Day) during a church service, especially when churches worship motherhood year round not just on that one day.

Bruce nelson says

May 10, 2018 at 5:33 am
This is like everyone gets a trophy and we got 10 valedictorians. Its not anyone’s fault in that church that someone can’t get pregnant. Mothers ought to be recognized for all they do!
// end

Comments to a Bruce Nelson:

Bruce Nelson, for the 10th time on this page, I’m a conservative, not a liberal who’s into PC (political correctness), but your comment shows a complete lack of empathy for those who find a Mother’s Day service in a church to be deeply difficult and painful.

It’s not just infertile women who may find Mother’s Day in a church setting difficult to endure, but the never married women, the women who keep having miscarriages, those whose mother recently died, those with abusive or negligent mothers. Also, some men find the holiday painful, because their mother is dead, their wife cannot conceive, etc.

Mothers are “already recognized for all they do” year round in conservative American Christian culture. What on earth make you think Christian mothers need a secular holiday such as Mother’s Day celebrated during church hours to be recognized?

Churches never have holidays celebrating women who are infertile, divorced, widowed, child-free, single, etc., and life is not a picnic for women who are in those groups.

You said,
“This is like everyone gets a trophy and we got 10 valedictorians”

You’ve gotten it backwards – you are arguing that churches essentially give every woman who got pregnant and gave birth a trophy – and I say, anyone who has sex (aside from the infertile) has the possibility of doing that very thing, so it’s not a great accomplishment. Animals in the animal kingdom also pro-create and many raise their animal children.

But churches are NOT giving trophies or awards to the infertile, the single women who wanted kids but couldn’t have them because they could not find a Mr. Right to marry.
// end

The last I visited the page, the best comment was by someone named Katie who said:

By Katie:

Wow. So many people claiming to be Christians in these comments who have hearts of stone and not of flesh. All I hear is demanding “what I deserve, what I’m due, why should the rich be put out for the poor.” You sound like selfish, self-serving people.

What’s the worst thing that happens to a mother who *only* gets a present and a special sermon and a family celebration but no standing recognition? The only real danger is to those who are married to their “rights” to a public display.

Moms generally have *entire groups* dedicated to mothering in the church (MOPS, etc.) and parenting is centered in the church. What is the worst thing that happens to a woman who has just had another miscarriage while all the moms stand around her? Tears. Alienation. Feeling less than in the sight of the church.

But y’all just keep revealing your hearts and demanding “your due.” May the Lord graciously withhold what you are truly due from you. Teshuvah!

My reply to Katie:

@ Katie,
I totally agree with your post. I am astounded by the Christians who are so insistent on getting public recognition for having pro-created they don’t care one iota about any pain they may be causing to those around them.

Here below is the last comment I left on that page – which is directed generally at all the rude, insensitive clowns on the page arguing that churches should honor Mom’s on Mom’s Day during church, even if it hurts other people in the process – which is certainly not the Golden Rule, do unto others:

by christianpundit

Your comment is awaiting moderation.

Stubbornly and vehemently insisting that getting church-wide recognition of motherhood, even if or when it comes at the expense of the women (and some men) around you who may find this SECULAR holiday (i.e., Mother’s Day) deeply painful, is the height of egotism and entitlement.

And so many on those threads (and ones like it I’ve seen on other sites) is rampant.

Such an entitled attitude goes beyond “rejoicing with those who rejoice,” to being cavalier in regards to other people’s struggles and pain in life.

Asking for some sensitivity in handling this, or considering putting a halt to church-sponsored celebration of Mother’s Day (nothing is stopping you from celebrating on your own time outside of church), is not the same thing as being “P.C.” (politically correct), being “too sensitive,” or refusing to “rejoice with those who rejoice.”

If I know you personally, and you send me notification that you are pregnant and expecting (or you just had a baby), I will probably send you a card saying, “Hey, Congratulations on the New Baby,” but do not expect or demand me to endorse you getting applauded, or getting a gift card or flower, in front of others during a church service.

However, some of you defending the practice of celebrating Mother’s Day services (and with the holiday being secular in origin, it’s not biblical) in churches in this thread (and on similar sites I’ve been to) have the audacity of suggesting those of us asking for more sensitivity in this matter, or asking for a limiting of such holidays in church contexts, as being the selfish ones? You’ve got it completely backwards. Truly amazing.

It’s no wonder why so many single and childless adults stop attending churches: many churches are bastions of Nuclear- Family- catering and Nuclear- Family- worship. Singles, the widows, divorced, the childless and childfree, or those in grief, are not truly welcomed. We get the hostile lecturing and brushing off by those who feel they are owed a sermon or a flower on a secular- backed- holiday during church.


Related Posts:

(Link): Your Church’s Mother’s Day Carnation is Not Worth Any Woman’s Broken Heart – A Critique of ‘When Mother’s Day Feels Like a Minefield’ by L. L. Fields 

(Link): Mother’s Day Ain’t A Happy Holiday For Some

(Link):  Happy Mother’s Day From the Moms on Whisper Who Hate Their Kids

(Link): Mother Entitlement – Selfish, Self-Centered Mothers Complain that They Are Not Getting ENOUGH Mother Worship from Culture, Church, or Family on Mother’s Day and Some Moms Complain About Churches Showing Compassion to Childless Women

(Link): Being Childfree, Childless, Infertile, or Dealing With the Death of a Mother on Mother’s Day, An Abusive or Insensitive Mother, Mothers Who Lost Adult Children to Murder or Sickness (links)

(Link): Schoolgirl Drugged and Raped on Her 10th Birthday Was Chopped Up and Burned in Bathtub ‘by Own Family’ Her Mother Paid Men on Craigslist to Rape Her Own Daughter

(Link): Do You Rate Your Family Too High? (Christians Who Idolize the Family / Marriage) (article)

(Link): Un Happy Mother’s Day – universal church continues to worship parenthood, family

(Link): Sorry, but being a mother is not the most important job in the world by Catherine Deveny

(Link): Is The Church Failing Childless Women? by Diane Paddison

(Link): Why all the articles about being Child Free? On Being Childfree or Childless – as a Conservative / Right Wing / Christian

(Link): Never Married Christians Over Age 35 who are childless Are More Ignored Than Divorced or Infertile People or Single Parents

(Link): Mom Charged With Prostituting Her Three Teen Daughters – Motherhood does not make women more godly or mature

(Link): Hypocrisy in Christian Culture – Those who idolize parenting chide infertiles for trying to have kids

(Link): Greedy, Entitled Mother Expects Her Childless Friend to Buy Daughter Computer, DVD Player, or Digital Tablet

(Link):   My husband forgot Mother’s Day flowers, so I had sex with someone else – New York Post Says Number of Married Women Applying on Cheater Site Ashley Madison Increases After Mother’s Day 

(Link): Otherhood – An overlooked demographic – the Childless and Childfree Women and Singles Especially Women Who Had Hoped to Marry and Have Kids But Never Met Mr. Right (links)

(Link):  Facebook’s motherhood challenge makes me want to punch my computer screen by F. Everett

(Link): The Irrelevancy To Single or Childless or Childfree Christian Women of Biblical Gender Complementarian Roles / Biblical Womanhood Teachings

(Link): Mommy Blogger Confesses in Blog Post that Mommy Blogging is a Bunch of Fake, Happy-Clappy B.S. – Kind of Like Most Christian Adult Singleness Blogs

(Link): Parenthood Does Not Make People More Loving Mature Godly Ethical Caring or Responsible (One Stop Thread)

(Link): Cultural Discrimination Against Childless and Childfree Women – and link to an editorial by a Childless Woman

(Link): Don’t Judge Me, I’m Childless (from Today’s Christian Woman)

(Link): Southern Baptist’s New Sexist “Biblical Woman” Site – Attitudes in Total Face Palm of a Site One Reason Among Many This Unmarried and Childless Woman Is Saying Toodle-Oo to Christianity

(Link): Christian Patriarchy Group: God Demands You Marry and Have Babies to Defeat Paganism and Satan. Singles and the Childless Worthless (in this worldview).

(Link): 26, Unmarried, and Childless – by A. Mast

(Link): Bearden: Staying childless right decision for many women

(Link): In terms of childlessness, US ranks near the top worldwide

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One thought on “The Entitled, Insensitive Comments Left by Entitled Christian Mothers, and the Men Who Support Them, Under the Post ‘Don’t Ask Moms To Stand In Church This Sunday (Mother’s Day)’”

  1. Wow, can I ever relate to this, even 17 years after the delivery of my stillborn son. Mother’s Day was my first Sunday back to church after that sad event and it ended in me being escorted out noticeably weeping by my then husband and mother in law. When the call to stand was made I panicked. Do I stand? I labored for more than 16hrs and delivered a baby I desperately wanted and lost. Do I sit? Isn’t that refusing to acknowledge my child existed and was loved? Instead I had a very unexpected and embarrassing breakdown in the pew with uncontrollable sobbing and my whole body shaking. That was my first mother’s day. I’m now a mom to two healthy daughters and I still hate the “tradition” of being asked to stand. My recognition comes in the form of being lucky enough every day to have my children around me, interacting with me. I don’t need a pat on the back or a public cheering because I procreated. To this day when it’s done, I cringe. My immediate thoughts go to those who have lost, who suffer from infertility, for those who never had the chance to try for a family and wanted on. I wish they’d do away with it. For the women who demand and feel entitled to this form of “recognition” of venture to say, the selfless gift of motherhood is not their true calling.

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