An Update On My Self-Absorbed Ex Friend “Doug” – The Friend Who Made My Mother’s Death All About Himself
Here is the background on this post – if you want to know more about Doug (not his real name), and why I am angry at Doug, please see this previous post for the details:
(Link): People Really Hack Me Off (Part 2) The Clueless Christian Who Likes To Send You Upbeat Updates About Himself In Reply To Your Announcement of Your Mother’s Death (ex friend of mine named “Doug”)
The very, very short of that post is that…
Doug was a Christian guy who is very self-absorbed, ever since I knew him back in our twenties when we went to college together, and he later made my mother’s death all about him.
He sent me an insensitive reply to my e-mail telling everyone on my e-mail account that my mother had passed, and I had sent this e-mail within a few days of the funeral.
He wrote back to send me a very chipper, upbeat response going on and on about how great his life was going.
“Doug” didn’t care about me or what I was going through. He didn’t hardly comment on my mother’s passing – his e-mail reply was mainly about him, him, him, and him.
For the next two to three years, I stopped all contact with Doug, until I finally sent him a link to a page about how NOT to talk to someone in grief.
I told him in that e-mail he was guilty of doing to me what that page said NOT to do.
Doug wrote back, defended himself, dug his heels in, and he actually had the audacity to lecture me on how he thinks I should be handling and reacting to my own mother’s death.
(At that point in time, he had not even lost anyone close to him, so he was in no place to offer such condescending advice.)
I wrote him back, chewed him out over that, and told him never to write me again.
Doug Tried Contacting Me Again in June / July 2018
I heard from Doug (not his real name) a few weeks ago (July 2018, or maybe late June).
He sent me some kind of private request on Facebook.
It was not a friend request, but some kind of request to talk to me privately on Facebook’s messenger system or something.
There was an “accept” and a “decline” button attached to that notification.
I am not sure if Doug sent me a message or not – if he did, I did not click on it to read it.
After thinking about this for a day or two, I ended up clicking on “Decline.”
I turned down his request to friend me on Facebook’s messenger app thing, or whatever that thing was.
So, if Doug ever sent a message accompanying the request, I never read it.
I have no idea why Doug is reaching out to me now.
The last I heard from him, I sent him an e-mail biting his head off really good about, I don’t know, 6 – 9 years ago, and I ended that e-mail by telling him I never wanted to hear from him again.
I can only guess that either….
One of his parents has died, and maybe he’s writing me to apologize, to say, now that he’s the one in grief, he “gets” why I was so previously upset with him for making his condolence letter to me when my mother died all about him and his life…
Or, he’s simply back to his old ways… he’s feeling nostalgic, wants to connect with me again (we were college buddies).
But, I know Doug.
I bet anything he has not changed.
Doug probably wants to re-connect with me again just so he can once more resume sending me those tediously long, chipper, sunny, up-beat, e-mails where he goes on and on and on about himself and never takes an interest in me or my life.
And, furthermore, Doug probably attempted to re-connect likely because he expects me to give him (Link): emotional support by way of just listening to him talk about himself endlessly, to give him encouragement, congratulate him on his accomplishments, etc, all of which he never did for me, but which I used to do for him.
(You can read more about all that (Link): here)
I’ve attracted (Link): too many self-absorbed people over my life, people who expect or demand me to listen to them complain (or brag) about their lives, and they expect or demand me to cheer them up (if they are angry or bummed out) or to applaud them (if they’re calling or writing to brag on how great their lives are).
Other than my Mom, nobody has ever played this role for me, not consistently.
And I am DONE being used.
I am done with (Link): one-way relationships where I show consideration, and offer lots of free emotional support, but the person seeking this consideration and support never offers me any in return.
I am done being emotionally exploited by men and by women. I am tired of trying to be friends with people who take, take, take from me but seldom to never give in return. And that includes Doug.
I wish Doug had not contacted me again.
I hope he doesn’t try to reach me again in the future. But he probably will. Another 6 – 9 years will pass before he tries again, but I wouldn’t be surprised if he doesn’t try once more.
(Link): The Selfish, Lazy Husband Who Kept Blowing Off His Stressed Wife to Go on World War 2 Reenactments – Male Entitlement in Relationships: Why Women Divorce Men – and Churches and Culture Support This Male Entitlement