Online Dating Study Says You’re Aiming Out Of Your League

Online Dating Study Says You’re Aiming Out Of Your League

This has always been more of a problem with men than with women.

I disagree with their study – the study, according to one article, says men have some success if they approach women out of their league.

Oh good lord no, don’t publish that – it will only encourage the losers, weirdos, or physically undeseireable to approach women more than they already do by giving them some kind of false hope. And that’s annoying.

This was especially a problem for me when I was college-aged – all the dorky guys who I had no interest in dating at all who would approach me thinking they had a shot, and they would not take “no” for an answer. They thought my “no” meant “try again, you can wear me down, and I’ll go out with you.”

(Link): Dude, She’s (Exactly 25 Percent) Out of Your League


A massive new study of online dating finds that everyone dates aspirationally—and that a woman’s desirability peaks 32 years before a man’s does.

by Robinson Meyer

At this point, Elizabeth Bruch, a professor of sociology at the University of Michigan, crashes in to your thought process (and this news article).

Yep, she says. Leagues do seem to exist.

But you’re not alone in trying to escape yours: “Three-quarters, or more, of people are dating aspirationally,” she says. And according to a new study, users of online-dating sites spend most of their time trying to contact people “out of their league.”

In fact, most online-dating users tend to message people exactly 25 percent more desirable than they are.

Bruch would know. She’s spent the past few years studying how people make decisions and pursue partners on online-dating sites, using exclusive data from the dating sites themselves. “There’s so much folk wisdom about dating and courtship, and very little scientific evidence,” she told me recently. “My research comes out of realizing that with these large-scale data sets, we can shed light on a lot of these old dating aphorisms.”

In the (Link): new study, published Wednesday in the journal Science Advances, Bruch and her colleagues analyzed thousands of messages exchanged on a “popular, free online-dating service” between more than 186,000 straight men and women. They looked only at four metro areas—New York, Boston, Chicago, and Seattle—and only at messages from January 2014.

…The key, Bruch said, is that “persistence pays off.”

“Reply rates [to the average message] are between zero percent and 10 percent,” she told me. Her advice: People should note those extremely low reply rates and send out more greetings.

…Here are seven other not entirely happy takeaways from Bruch’s study:

– In the study, men’s desirability peaks at age 50. But women’s desirability starts high at age 18 and falls throughout their lifespan.

“I mean, everybody knows—and as a sociologist, it’s been shown—that older women have a harder time in the dating market. But I hadn’t expected to see their desirability drop off from the time they’re 18 to the time they’re 65,” Bruch told me.

“But I was also surprised to see how flat men’s desirability was over the age distribution,” she said. “For men, it peaks around age 40 or 50. Especially in New York.”

…- Seattle is a women’s market—and also the only place where men succeed by sending longer opening messages.

“Seattle presents the most unfavorable dating climate for men, with as many as two men for every woman in some segments,” the study says.

– Women’s prospects dim not only as they age, but as they achieve the highest level of education.

A more educated man is almost always more desirable, on average: Men with postgraduate degrees outperform men with bachelor’s degrees; men with bachelor’s degrees beat high-school graduates.

“But for women, an undergraduate degree is most desirable,” the study says. “Postgraduate education is associated with decreased desirability among women.”

(Link): Online Dating Study Says You’re Aiming Out Of Your Leauge

by Erin Carson,

August 10, 2018

In the realm of online dating, folks are aiming high when it comes to potential partners.

A study from Science Advance found that both men and women go after people 25 percent more desirable than they are. The study was published on Wednesday.

What constitutes desirability? Glad you asked. It’s a mix of elements including how many messages users receive. It also include other characteristics researchers identified. For example, the researchers found that women with undergraduate degrees were more desirable than those with graduate degrees.

The context for the researchers’ findings: the heterosexual dating pools in Boston, Seattle, New York City and Chicago. They used data from “a popular, free online dating service.”

One important takeaway if you’re trying to date someone who is, perhaps, out of your league: keep your messages brief. The researchers found that men and women punching above their weight tend to write longer messages as the desirability of the other person rises. The strategy isn’t necessarily effective.

The researchers also recommend that you don’t give up hope.

“The chances of receiving a reply from a highly desirable partner may be low, but they remain well above zero, although one will have to work harder, and perhaps also wait longer, to make progress,” the study said.

(Link): Online dating: Aim high, keep it brief, and be patient

By Angus Davison

Science reporter

Scientists say the secrets to success in online dating are to aim high, keep your message brief, and be patient.

Playing “out of your league” or dating people considered more attractive than you, is a winning strategy, according to a new analysis of internet daters in the US.

Men had greater success when they approached women they believed were more desirable than themselves. The new study has been published in the journal, Science Advances.

…In this new report, scientists used a Google-inspired algorithm to understand the desires of people wanting to match up. They analysed messaging and demographic patterns among heterosexual users in New York, Boston, Chicago and Seattle.

They found that both men and women contact potential partners who are, on average, around 25% more desirable than themselves.

Your “desirability”, they found, is not just about the number of messages that you receive, but who you receive them from.

If your messages come from people who have themselves received lots of messages, that makes make you more desirable, according to the study.

Top tips for a hot date
1) Send lots of messages – perseverance can pay off

2) Aim high – playing out of your league can be a winning strategy

3) Keep it brief – that long heartfelt message might not be read

4) Be patient – your dream date may just be judging the market

The secret to success – keep it brief
Both men and women tended to write longer messages to a more desirable partner, sometimes up to twice as long, but the study found that this barely makes any difference to the response rate.

… Co-author Professor Mark Newman, also from the University of Michigan, said: “Playing out of your league is one way to reduce the rate at which you get replies. That does not seem to stop people from doing it, and it seems to be standard behaviour. There is a trade-off between how far up the ladder you want to reach and how low a reply rate you are willing to put up with.”

If you aren’t getting any replies, then be patient. Your potential dates might be judging the market before committing to reply at all.

Although the maths is complicated , research has shown that your chance of picking the best date is highest if you reject outright the first 37%. You should then choose to date the next person that’s better than all the previous ones.

Deal-makers and deal-breakers in dating
Previous studies have shown that your dating profile should be roughly 70% about yourself , with the rest about what you’re looking for in a partner.

But the problem with this thinking is that it assumes that people are going to read your profile or your message in the first place.

Dr Bruch said: “Women could afford to be more aspirational than they are. Their reply rates are already high enough that they can afford to take a hit.”

Man’s not hot
The study showed that women tended to use more positive words when communicating with more desirable partners, whereas men tended to play it cool, showing a slight decrease in positive words.

Reinforcing a well-known stereotype, women’s view of men’s desirability peaked at around the age of 50, whereas women’s attractiveness to men declined from the age of 18.

The authors stressed that this does not mean following these stereotypes is the key to successful dating. People are able to make choices.

Dr Bruch said: “There can be a lot of variation in terms of who is desirable to whom. There may be groups in which people who would not necessarily score as high by our measures could still have an awesome and fulfilling dating life.”

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