The Incredibly Condescending and Presumptive Singles-Shaming Posts of Gladys Wisener

The Incredibly Condescending and Presumptive Singles-Shaming Posts of Gladys Wisener

In my few years of writing on this blog, I am still sometimes amazed at the comments I get, especially the remarks I get from the most innocuous of posts.

Never would I have imagined that linking to some article about a 105 year old woman who says she is happy and still alive at 105 because she has never bothered with men would induce someone to come on to my blog to leave me nasty and presumptive comments, but that is what happened.

This married woman named Gladys Wisener stopped by this blog recently, and she engaged in some singles-shaming under (Link): that post about a 105 year old single woman.

When Gladys began saying or assuming some weird, offensive, negative, or insulting things about me, and I understandably got irate and offended in response to her attitude and comments, and I let her know, she replies by telling me I sound “bitter.”

Because that’s what entitled married cows such as her do – they assume if you have a legitimate complaint against their obnoxious- married- people- attitudes and- presumptive- assumptions about you, they assume it can only come from a place of… wait for it… yes, that’s right, it must be due to bitterness.

And the unspoken assumption is that you, you single woman, must be bitter because you’re single and don’t have a husband.

In their thinking, bitterness could be the only possible reason you are correcting a married woman on your blog about singleness for being obnoxious.

Your anger cannot possibly be due to the married person’s hideous, insulting comments to you or about you or about singleness, no, it must be because you are not married!

If only you were married or in a steady relationship, you would not take umbrage at the married person’s condescending comments about you or your blog – married or engaged people would love to be on the receiving end of your lousy assumptions and comments and take them so well.

Before I return to ripping on Gladys’ comments:

For now, I’ll say a few things – I am not a bitter, harpy shrew.

I am not particularly upset about being single.

I got over that years ago.

Back in my mid 30s, I used to get a bit weepy and sad when I saw Valentine’s Day commercials of men giving their sweetie pies diamond necklaces and so on.

I am now over age 45 – the time when being single hit me hardest was when I was around ages 35 – 38.

Once birthdays 39, 40, and etc. rolled around, I had grieved the fact I was single, I dealt with it, but then I came out of the grief, and I’ve made peace with it.

Yes, I had wanted to be married, I was engaged for years, but I never married.

(My ex fiance was a self-absorbed, financially irresponsible, financially exploitative, mama’s boy – douche bag. I do NOT regret dumping his loser ass.

Married people often assume WRONGLY that if you’ve never married past the age of 35, it means you have zero experience with being in a serious, lasting, committed relationship – they wrongly think only MARRIED people can understand serious, long lasting relationships, which is again, WRONG WRONG WRONG.)

So, I’m pretty much doing fine with my singleness.

I’m also planning on a big change in my personal life in the near future, which means I won’t be blogging here so much, I don’t think (and this big change has nothing to do with dating, marriage, etc).

Would it be nice to have a significant other to cuddle with on the couch as we watch TV together? Sure, that would be nice.

But I’m not curled up in the fetal position every night crying because I don’t have that.

I don’t feel as though I am lacking or a sad sack or that happily married people should weep for me all because I am single.

As you get older and find yourself still single, you get by, you cope, you learn to enjoy your life on other terms.

Having Mr. Sweetie Pie to cuddle with on a chilly autumn night would be the icing on the cake – but it’s not the cake.

For someone like Gladys, it sounds to me as though she’s made her marriage the cake, it’s not just the icing for her.

Any anger of mine you see on the blog these days is usually directed at a culture or church that idolizes marriage and ignores singles or else treats single adults like shit.

I am angry at a Christian faith that makes false promises to young girls:

Tells them, as they once did me, if you obey and trust Jesus, stay a virgin, read your Bible regularly, and so on and so forth, that good things will happen to you and for you in life, including, God will send you a Christian Mr. Right to marry.

That is all a false bunch of bullshit.

Churches and Christians need to stop teaching people that if only they believe in Jesus and follow Christian rules X, Y, and Z that they won’t get cancer, get fired from a job, get a splinter in their finger, and etc.

I will resume my commentary about all that below this part of the post…

A few weeks ago, I posted this news story to the blog:

(Link): Retired Wartime Nurse Aged 105 Says Secret to Long Life is to “Avoid Men As They’re Not Worth the Hassle”

This is not the first such news article I have posted.

In the past, there have been other, similar articles with interviews with other women aged 100 or older who attribute their longevity to being single or to being virgins.

I find such articles sweet and amusing, which is why I post them.

Good for those women for being happy and enjoying life as it is, with our without marriage!

I once had a reader tweet me, or send me on this blog, a link to an article like this, one about an older woman who said she reached birthday 100 because she drank scotch and never had sex or something like that, and my blog reader told me she thought it would be great for my blog, and I should blog it – so I did.

The Awful Comments by Gladys Wisener On My Blog

So, this person calling herself Gladys Wisener posted this under that blog post a few days ago, the one about the 105 year old single lady:

by Gladys W, Sept 2018

I have a question for you, i hope you don’t take it the wrong way. I think if i was still single ( i am 42) i would be quiet upset and unhappy about it.

For the record i am married and very happily married for 21 years, it is not perfect all the time, but it is much better then being single, i will not lie to you. Being with someone you love and loves you back is one of the greatest experiences of this life, i am being honest, i would not trade it for anything.

Having said that, i see you posted about a 105 year old virgen. Are you trying to comfort yourself in being single and not having sex , by posting this?

I know that sometimes when we desire something and it gets denied to us, we can go into sour grapes mode and try to convince ourselves that what we want is really not worth it.

Again i hope you are not offended, i think that if i were you, i probably would be doing the same thing.
—-(end Gladys post)—-

I replied:

@ Gladys Wisener.

You said,

..Are you trying to comfort yourself in being single and not having sex , by posting this?

…I know that sometimes when we desire something and it gets denied to us, we can go into sour grapes mode and try to convince ourselves that what we want is really not worth it.
—-(end Gladys quote)—–

Huh. Well that is a very odd assumption.

No, that is not why I posted the link to the article.

I posted the article because it pertains to virginity / singleness, a topic(s) which I regularly post about on this blog, and I also found it amusing that the woman feels life is better lived without men because they are, she said, a “hassle.”

My view on this subject:
It’s better to be single than marry someone just to avoid being single or to marry any guy who comes along (settling)…

Because you end up resenting your partner, you don’t get your needs met, it makes for a lousy marriage, and you end up divorcing.

If you’re married, you or your spouse will die eventually, leaving one of you single once more.

Some marriages end in divorce, leaving the married individual single once more.

See also:
(Link): World’s Oldest Woman Said Secret to Long Life is Staying Single

(Link): Don’t Give Up On Your Dreams

(Link): Married People Who Find Themselves Single Again – Spouses With Dementia / Married People Who Are Lonely

(Link): Neither Fully Widow Nor Fully Wife – Married People Will Be Single Again

[snip remainder of links I gave to Gladys to other blog posts about related subjects here]
—-(end Christian Pundit reply post)—-

Gladys then replied:

Sept 28, 2018

i agree with most of what you say, i would never encourage someone to settle per say just to be married, but to be honest, their is no ideal partner. Whoever you end up marrying is not going to be perfect and will NOT meet all of your needs and nor will YOU meet all the needs of your spouse either.

You will still need friendship and family and other ways of meeting needs, your spouse cannot be end all of your needs.

Now if you have a lousy marriage, you can always divorce, it happens all the time, and some people re-marry and find themselves happier in a 2nd marriage.

Their is no formula, being single is not better then being married or vice versa, but their is a reason that people seek marriage, it is one of the most satisfying relationships you will ever have , even if you end up divorced or single again, it is totally worth it.

I say it is better to have loved and lost then to never have loved. If you don’t take the risk, their is no reward, that is how i view love and relationships.
—-(end Quotes)—-

My response:

@ Gladys Wisener

OMG, you were quite obnoxious in your response to me, and you made some unwarranted assumptions about me and what you assume I believe.

You tell me you are a 40-something grown woman in your first post on here, but the way you write about relationships, you sound like a very naive, girlish, 15 year old teeny-bopper with a crush on some boy in your sophomore math class.

Lemme guess: you dot the letter “i” in your husband’s name with a heart shape still, don’t you?

You wrote:

Whoever you end up marrying is not going to be perfect and will NOT meet all of your needs and nor will YOU meet all the needs of your spouse either.

You will still need friendship and family and other ways of meeting needs, your spouse cannot be end all of your needs.
—-(end Gladys quote)—–

I’m sorry my dear, but where did I say a spouse will meet ALL of anyone’s needs?

I did not. I never said any such thing, that is not my view at all, so kindly do not put words into my mouth.

You seem to feel that because you are married, you must know way more than me about relationships, and you are here to lecture me – it’s quite condescending. I don’t need any advice or lectures from you.

I was engaged to a man for several years.

The man I was engaged to was a self-absorbed, financially irresponsible jackass.
He did not attempt to meet even my most basic of needs, but expected me to meet his.
I have written about him and my relationship with him in previous blog posts. I guess you ignored those posts.

I actually have blog posts on this blog where I advise married women who make their husband the center of their universe to make friends outside their marriage.

I explain in older posts that married women who look to their husband to get all their needs met are making a grave error, because when and if their spouse dies before them, divorces them, is simply a selfish man, or if their spouse develops dementia, they will find themselves single again.

So I advise them to branch out and make friends and do not rely only on a husband to get their needs met.

Did you even bother to read the rest of my blog? I don’t think you have.

You said,

…it [marriage] is one of the most satisfying relationships you will ever have
—-(end Gladys quote)—–

That is your opinion.

The most satisfying relationships I have ever had have been with my mother, pet cats I had, and some female friends.

And it will be interesting if you still feel that way about marriage being the most satisfying thing even after you discover your husband has been (Link): looking at child porn,
visiting an (Link): Ashley Madison adultery site,
or when he (Link): develops dementia and doesn’t even remember who you are,
or when he dies before you do, due to old age or a heart attack.

It sounds like you have way, way too much wrapped up in your marriage – your emotional needs, your identity, your ego.

You said:

I say it is better to have loved and lost then to never have loved. If you don’t take the risk, their is no reward, that is how i view love and relationships.
—-(end Gladys quote)—–

I already did the “love” thing in regards to romantic relationships.

The guy I was engaged to was a selfish bastard.

I’d rather be single than in a relationship with a dead beet and a user.

I talked to a woman online over a year ago who was married twice. Both her husbands were abusive.

She now says she is single, she prefers being single, and has zero desire to re-marry.

Everyone is different and has different preferences in areas of life such as this, and that is okay.

Not everyone has to be identical to you and view relationships as you do.

Not everyone has to want and desire the same things that you do.

You said,

…even if you end up divorced or single again, it is totally worth it.
—-(end Gladys quote)—–

That again is merely your opinion.

I know women who have been married to, or have lived with boyfriends, who were serial cheaters, abusive, etc, and these women would not say it was “totally worth it” to be with those men.

If you are happy being married, great, I don’t care.

It’s almost as though you think you have something to prove to me. Very weird.

You can get off my blog now.

Or we can do this the hard way, and I can block your screen name, e-mail address, and IP number.
—-(end Christian Pundit reply to Gladys post)—-

She actually then keeps replying, even though I’ve made it clear I’d like her to stay off the blog:

Post by Gladys, Oct 1, 2018

It was not my intent to offend you, i was just stating my opinion on marriage. You can take it or leave it.

I actually have read some of your blogs, but not all of them, just so you know I actually AGREE with you A LOT more then disagree.

(by the way i don’t put a heart on my husband last name, when i dot the eye),

Both of our views on relationships are based on our experiences, i am sorry you had a bad experience. i am sorry that your guy was a selfish bastard, but their are people out there that have happy and satisfying relationships.

I am not trying to prove anything.

No reason for you to lash out at me in anger, you sound bitter to me

—-(end Gladys post)—-

My reply:

Oct 2, 2018 reply to Gladys

response to Gladys Wisener

Gladys, you sound bitter to me – I guess that marriage of yours isn’t keeping you quite as happy and fulfilled as you first let on?

I also get that vibe because you enjoy needling single women on their blogs about singleness. That’s pretty sad.

You gave me plenty of reason to “lash out at you” in anger. Even in this last post of yours.

Oh gawd, the “bitter” thing.

That’s yet another stereotype of single women (and sometimes single men) that gets thrown out at us quite often if we don’t act absolutely perky and happy to be insulted in person or on our own blogs, especially if the topic of singleness or marriage comes up.

I don’t sound “bitter” – I sound angry.
Understandably angry because you assumed some shit about me that is not true, and you sounded like a “know it all,” very dismissive, and presumptuous.

Post on my blog:
(Link): Unmarried / Single People Are Supposedly Bitter & Have Too Much Baggage – and that’s why you’re still single they say

While you’re at it, also wrongly assume that I own 63 cats and never shave my arm pits and legs, too.

Please make more yet even insulting assumptions about me (and based on my marital status, too) and then accuse me of being “bitter” for being offended by your assumptions (that was sarcasm).

You said,

”but their are people out there that have happy and satisfying relationships.”
—-(end Gladys quote)—–

And I never said otherwise.

You seem to hold some very odd assumptions about me… like you start out wrongly attributing motives to me that I blogged about this happily single 105 year old woman because it’s supposedly my way of feeling better about singleness? (Which is not why I posted a copy of the article.)

By the way – there are some single adults who are happy being single.

Sometimes such singles call themselves “single by choice.”

Bella DePaulo blogs over at Psychology Today about Adult Singleness, and she never, ever wanted to be married – she prefers being single.

There are Christian single adults who have zero desire to marry.

Not everyone wants to get married – and that’s fine.

You have women who have tried marriage, then divorced, and feel happier single and don’t want to re-marry, and that’s great, too.

Then you have others who’d like to get married, but not everyone gets a fantastic, great relationship.

Great, compatible partners do not fall off trees or magically appear on one’s doorstep.

A person can join many dating web sites, attend many singles functions at churches, and it’s not easy meeting quality, normal single adults past one’s 20s.

That’s just a fact of life.

And if you want to marry and it does not happen for you, you eventually learn to get by and do okay without it.

You seem to be operating under the very false illusion that being single past the age of 40 is the WORST thing that can happen to a woman and/or that marriage is THE BEST thing and can cure anyone of everything and any thing, which are both falsehoods.

If your husband drops dead tomorrow of a heart attack, I don’t get the impression you will cope well with the loss. You sound too wrapped up in your marriage, as though you invest far too much emotionally into it.

And…
There are plenty of married women in marriages who feel unloved by their husbands, and they feel lonely.

Plenty of wives are in sexless marriages, too, and that bothers them, because they would like to be having sex with a spouse.

I have many blog posts about both those topics, with links to articles with interviews by married women who talk about how lonely or terrible their marriages are for whatever reasons.

It’s better to be single than in a relationship with a selfish or abusive person.

I’d rather be single than married to a guy with dementia, a guy who has affairs, or still engaged to my selfish, financially irresponsible, idiot of an ex.

The secular and Christian culture push the false notion that people are not “whole’ unless they marry, that one needs a romantic partner to “complete” them or make them happy, which is all a bunch of bull shit.

I’m really not interested in conversing with you further and hope you leave no more posts to this blog. Thanks.
—-(end CP reply post)—-

How trashy and cheap for this Gladys person to come on to my blog and insult me, and when I don’t sit back and accept her put-downs with a smile, she accuses me with the bigoted anti-singles come back of “you sound bitter.”

I get the impression that the insensitive Gladys is assuming wrong things about me.

Nowhere on my blog am  I “anti marriage.”

I am not opposed to marriage.

I do not assume that 100% of marriages are terrible and unhappy.

Gladys wrote,

Having said that, i see you posted about a 105 year old virgen. Are you trying to comfort yourself in being single and not having sex , by posting this?
—(end Gladys quote)—-

And how condescending it is to assume the reason I post about 105 year old women who are happy being single is because, secretly, I’m angry, enraged, bitter, or hurt about being single and am trying to molly-coddle myself that being single is okay because some 105 year old woman is fine with it?

I don’t post shit like that to try to cheer myself up about being single.

On the other hand, I think it’s good to post such examples, because many churches and married doofi such as Gladys cannot imagine what it would be like to live life past age 25 while being single – they seem to view it as some form of Hell on earth, which is a very insulting view to take of singleness.

But here we have an example of a woman who made it to her 105th birthday never having married, and it seems as though that woman is doing okay, she is well-adjusted, and doesn’t seem very upset that she never married.

Gladys seems more horrified that a woman made it to age 105 never having married than the 105 year old woman herself seems about it.

Does Gladys sit around feeling pity for Jesus of Nazareth? Jesus died on the cross at age 33, never having married.

Was Jesus a figure deserving of nothing but married- people- condescending- pity because he never got married?

I never said  anywhere on my blog that all married couples are miserable, or that a person can get all their emotional needs met through a spouse, but Gladys assumes those are my views.

However, many  married people are in fact miserable in their marriages, and younger women especially assume that when they marry that their spouse will meet most to all their emotional needs (I occasionally even see older married women who expect this).

The divorce rate in our nation has been high for decades, and the marriage rate has been declining, as more adults are choosing to stay single or to co-habitate instead.

Marriage is not this meadow of bliss for everyone that Gladys assumes it is, merely because she has found it fulfilling for herself.

She may find out tomorrow that her husband has been looking at child porn for years or has been having affairs on her with other women. He may die two weeks from now in a car accident, who knows?

Your married happiness of right now is not a guarantee of marital happiness five, ten, or twenty years from now, if your husband has affairs on you or dies from a heart attack.

My mother died around a decade ago, leaving my father single. My parents were married to each other for over 30 years, but my dad found himself single again. Getting married once doesn’t mean you will stay indefinitely married – your spouse may die on you or divorce you.

Marriage is not a font of peace, purpose, and happiness for all who enter into it.

I have (Link): example after example on my blog of married couples (many of whom are Christian) who are miserable because one spouse ignores the other, abuses the other, was arrested for visiting a prostitute, or refuses to have sex, etc etc.

Why do I post those types of examples of marriage gone bad?

Because Hollywood, usually, though not always, keeps making movies telling people if they are not part of a romantic couple, that they are not complete, they have no worth, and will never know what true love and happiness is.

The reality is, you do not need to be in a romantic relationship, certainly not in a marriage, to be happy, feel complete, or to have purpose or meaning in life.

As I told Gladys, the most fulfulling, wonderful, loving relationship I have been in thus far in my life was with my mother.

(I also enjoyed my pet cats. I no longer have any pet cats, though. That’s another stereotype about single women: we all supposedly live with 89 pet cats.)

My mother treated me with more kindness and consideration than my ex fiance ever did. I got far more of my emotional needs met through my mother than I ever did through my ex fiance.

At any rate, Christian culture and the Christian church, just like much of Hollywood, and now the obnoxious Gladys on my blog, also pushes this dynamic that in order to be complete, whole, happy, (in addition to being godly, responsible, and mature), that marriage is necessary.

You just cannot be happy, truly happy and content!, unless you are married, Gladys is pushing.

If that were so, then the founder of Christianity, Jesus of Nazareth, would have married, but Jesus remained single to the day he died.

Jesus did not need to be married to feel complete, joy, happiness, or to be responsible or mature.

Apostle Paul tells Christians in 1 Corinthians chapter 7 it is better to remain single than it is to marry, but do Christians ever mention this?

No. For they are too busy promoting marriage as being the norm or as a solution to heal society of all manner of problems – the Bible never, ever prescribes marriage or the nuclear family as being solutions for sin or for problems in culture.

I’m pretty much okay at this stage in my life with being single.

I’m not angry or bitter about being single per se.

Being single is fine – but the church lied to me, as they have lied to other people, and that is one factor that has me upset.

When I was younger, evangelicals and Southern Baptists promised me in their literature, sermons, and television shows on Christian networks that if I was a “good girl,” stayed sexually pure, and trusted Jesus, that God would send me a man to marry.

So I was a good girl, stayed a virgin, trusted Jesus, followed all the other rules Christians told me to follow, and I never got a husband. It’s the false bill of goods that Christians sell to people that pisses me off. It’s the bait and switch.

Churches: stop telling young girls that if they stay virgins and pray and trust God for a spouse, he will send them a spouse! That is pure trash. (And many of them do this, especially the Baptists and Protestant evangelicals.)

Christians: stop teaching people to believe in a “Wealth and Health” Gospel that tells them if they just believe in Jesus, put God first, pray, have enough faith, stay positive, and live a good, clean life, only good things will happen to them, and God will protect them from the bad.

And Southern Baptists teach this shit too, not just the television evangelists, though Southern Baptists will tell you they do not believe this stuff, but they most certainly do, they just use different jargon to convey the same concepts that if you do X in life, than God will reward you with Z.

The fact that Christians and churches expend more time, attention and energy on marriage and married couples than they do singles and adult singleness, is another source of my anger.

Some preachers even go out of their way to insult adult singles and singleness, and to treat adult singles like trash, for example:

(Link): Preacher Says in Sermon that Single Men Who Play Video Games Are Losers Who Have Retarded Spirits and This Creates Dating Problems for Women

And for instance:

(Link):  Christian Blogger About Divorce, Pastor Andrew Webb, Thinks All To Most Mid-Life Never – Married or Single – Again Adults Are Mal-Adjusted, Ugly Losers Who Have Too Much Baggage

And:

(Link): According to Pastor ( Jimmy Evans ) It Takes One Man and Woman Married To Equal A Whole – so where does that leave Christian singles ? / Too Much Sex Talk

(Link): Christian TV Personality ( Jimmy Evans ) Says You Cannot Meet God’s Destiny For Your Life Without A Spouse

I’m not particularly angry at being single in and of itself.

I’ve made peace with being single over the years – I’ve been single for so long now that I am very accustomed to it and am actually having a more difficult time now picturing myself being married, having to live with some guy, and make compromises with him.

What I get angry at, and what I’ve been angry at on this blog since almost the first day I started it, is how the church mistreats single adults, ignores the needs of singles, acts as though marriage is necessary to make a person fulfilled, loving, whole, happy, content, and etc. (which is some of the very same shit Gladys is saying in her comments).

I get tired of arrogant, snot ball, married Christians such as Gladys who flits on to my blog – a blog for adult singles to vent about how shitty Christians treat singles – to further shit on singles for being single some more, as if we don’t get shit on enough already by secular and Christian culture as it stands.

Then Gladys has to further add insult to injury by trotting out the old chest-nut that married Christians especially like to lob at single adults who won’t tolerate their patronizing, anti-singles dreck: accuse us (me) of “being bitter.”

If Gladys is happy being married, great for her.

I’m sure there are some happy marriages out there. I never said ALL marriages are rotten.

But this is not a blog for married people to celebrate how happy marriage has made them, because guess what, such people are ALREADY catered to by the culture and churches.

By the way, I have not been posting at this blog as much over the last year.

Days, weeks, and occasionally a month or so go by and I do not post anything here.

I’ve explained in older blog posts that I am not an angry or bitter person: this blog is one of the few places where I can express my anger openly.

My anger is kept under wraps in the rest of my life.

The rest of the time, I am chill.

You don’t see the chill side of my personality or of my life on this blog too often, because I created this blog precisely so I can spew venom, hatred, anger, and BITCH AND MOAN ABOUT HOW SHITTY CHURCHES AND PEOPLE LIKE GLADYS ACT TOWARDS SINGLES.

(I have explained this ten billion times already on this blog when other “Gladyses” have shown up here in the past to tell me, “You sound bitter!,” especially when I don’t kiss their asses in gratitude when they snark on me or snark against adult singles, and I think all this information is also on the blog’s “ABOUT ME” page, for fuck’s sake. How many damn times do I have to explain myself on this blog.)

I did not start this blog to post cookie recipes or photos of rainbows.

That is not the point of the blog.

There are no publications or spaces in Christianity where singles over age 30 can be REAL and vent and bitch and moan about topics pertaining to being single over the age of 30.

All sermons and Christian magazines either assume you are married, or you are single and only 20 years old and will be married by the time you hit age 25.

So, if you are over the age of 30 and still have not married, especially if you are a Christian, there are not many outlets you can turn to to post to.

There is zero understanding or recognition of adult singles and singleNESS past the age 30.

It’s like older singles are Leprechauns or Unicorns to (married) Christians.

There are many occasions when I am in a “neutral” mood on this blog. I see a dating or wedding themed article and think “Hmm, that would fit with that blog I do, I should blog that,” so I blog about it.

Many times, I am not in any particular kind of mood when I post material here.

I am so  sick and tired of jerkwads coming on to this blog, saying rude or shitty things, and when I react by getting angry (I mean, DUH), they then start accusing me of being bitter and angry – don’t say shit to me in the first place that will make me react by getting angry. It’s not rocket science.

I mean, you kick me in the shins in the first place, and when I say “ouch, don’t do that!” you mock me for saying “ouch” and for objecting to being kicked.

Comment by Gladys:

I know that sometimes when we desire something and it gets denied to us, we can go into sour grapes mode and try to convince ourselves that what we want is really not worth it.
(end quote)

That was condescending and patronizing. My god, just because I post a link about a funny story about a woman who says she made it to 105 because she thinks men are a hassle, the psycho-analyzing Gladys assumes its because I really posted it to lick my wounds over being single?

Because Gladys initially tried to be self-effacing in her first post to me, I tried to assume the best of her motives and proceed by posting in a civil fashion towards her, but as she continued replying to me, I can see she’s not so altruistic.

I do think she has some kind of weird, ulterior motive going on, some kind of agenda.

Gladys said to me:

I say it is better to have loved and lost then to never have loved. If you don’t take the risk, their is no reward, that is how i view love and relationships.
–(end quote)—

I have no idea what prompted her to write that.

It cannot be based on anything I’ve written.

Is she assuming I am against taking risks? (I am not.)

Is she assuming I’ve never loved and lost? (I have. I was engaged at one point for a few years and later dumped the guy.)

Why does she think romantic love (marriage) is the only valid, supposedly reliable, or good, way of getting one’s emotional or companionship needs met, as though people cannot and do not also get those needs met through friends, family, or from pets?

Gladys made this remark in a reply to me:

Their is no formula, being single is not better then being married or vice versa, but their is a reason that people seek marriage, it is one of the most satisfying relationships you will ever have , even if you end up divorced or single again, it is totally worth it.
–(end Quote)—-

Her comments there are just so over the top subjective, and yet, she seems to think that it’s objective and true for everyone.

She claims to have this really great, awesome marriage, but she incorrectly assumes from this that all women must be in equally great marriages (they are not), or, if they are single, she seems to believe they must be dreadfully unhappy, pitiful things because she feels SHE would feel totally miserable and put a pistol in her mouth and pull the trigger if she had to live alone.

She really seems to feel that being single is a fate worse than death, my lord.

It’s a very patronizing view.

Now, if you are a single woman who would like to marry, I’m sure it’s difficult at times for you, especially if you are younger, like in your late 20s to your mid 30s in particular.

To such single women, I’m not saying you always find your singleness a cake-walk (especially if you’d like to be married and would like the companionship), but, so many people go to extremes on this shit, they go too far in the other direction and make singleness sound worse than having leprosy or getting cancer or having a root canal.

I wrote a blog post here a couple years ago that basically said,

“I want my desire to be married to be respected by Christians and by churches, but, at the same time, so long as I remain single, I want my singleness respected, I do not wish to be ignored because I am single, nor do I want to be treated like shit or like a pathetic, spinster, lonely nerdo loser, just because I don’t have a husband.”

And that summarizes it nicely, I think.

By the way, I never really gave a shit if I ever had children or not, but I’ve had online friends who were pretty upset that they were unable to have kids. They wanted to be mothers. I didn’t care if I was a mother or not.

I can just imagine that Gladys has ten children by her husband.

I bet Gladys does stuff like go to blogs by infertile Christian women who blog about how churches make them feel like dirt for being unable to pro-create to tell them in their comments sections really patronizing, insensitive shit such as:

“My dear, did  you post this article because you secretly really still want to have children but cannot, and you’re posting this to try to talk yourself out of really wanting to have children?

“Well, you know, I have TEN children by my husband! My kids bring me hours of joy and warm and fuzzy feelings of love and acceptance.

“I cannot imagine what an un-fulfilling, shitty, empty life you have because you live in a house with NO BABIES!

“Oh you poor dear. Why don’t you just make a noose and hang yourself right now and get over it, get over your no-kids, horrible life!

“I cannot imagine my life, filled as it is, with so much peace and purpose because of my sons and daughters, without motherhood.

“Your life sounds so lonely and pathetic.

“But gosh golly, I really don’t mean to sound dismissive of your child-less life, with your dried up uterus. Why don’t you do something useful with your dusty old uterus and donate it to science?”

Then you can imagine a childless woman at such a blog, in a very nice Christian way, telling her to go fuck off, and you can also picture Gladys retorting,

“There’s no need to lash out at me! You sound bitter, it must be because your uterus and fallopian tubes are shriveled, you barren hag. If you had a baby, you wouldn’t be so bitter!”

Yes Gladys, when you go on to a childless woman’s blog to indicate you would think a life with no kids must be completely pathetic and meaningless, unlike your wonderfully full and joyous life as a mother, you can and should expect the childless woman at the blog to take your put-downs as – compliments?

Are you kidding me?

Take all that and apply it to Marriage V. Singleness.

6 thoughts on “The Incredibly Condescending and Presumptive Singles-Shaming Posts of Gladys Wisener”

  1. For my part I admit I’m bitter–though not always. Sometimes just sad. Occasionally happy. I am 45 like you, Pundit. But my health is like that of a 65 year old woman. Grieving at the life I was denied. But God doesn’t owe it to me, He never promised it so i have no right to complain. Often I weep alone at night though, and console myself with the hope of Heaven. That bright and endless morning.

    I live with my parents for financial reasons, but it’s nice to not be alone 90% of the time. I hope you can get out and meet people CP. Sorry for your loss. If you have a car/job/apartment those are blessings I don’t enjoy. But I don’t envy you your life and you would be foolish to envy mine.

    All the 4 cats I live with are Mom’s, by the way. Lol.

    Had a well-meaning preacher’s wife advise me to look for an octogenarian widower in need of a nurse to marry. Sigh. She thought she was cheering me up. Ha ha.

    1. @ Rachel Nichols.
      I’m a tiny bit older than you but am under age 50.

      Thank you for your kind words.

      I don’t want to go into too much detail about my life, but it’s not a picnic, no.

      I think it’s okay to have shifting feelings about being single, if you are wanting to be married but are not. I think it’s normal to feel okay with it one week, then sad about it one day, then angry the next, then back to being okay, etc etc etc.

      In Gladys W’s favor, she did leave me a reply under this post apologizing. I will give her that much

      I accepted her apology (as you can see below), but I don’t know what she was thinking.

      I was probably a little bit more harsh on her than I should have been, but her attitude and follow ups really bothered me.

      I don’t know if she was sincerely trying to cheer me up about my being single, but if that was so, there are far better ways and more sensitive ways of going about it than by going on and on about how relieved she was to be married herself, since she cannot imagine how crummy life must be as a single adult.

      Yes, I’d like to marry, but, in the meantime, I don’t appreciate anyone (married people in particular) talking about singleness as though it’s worse than leprosy.

      There is a way for married people to empathize and cheer up single adults who would like to be married without simultaneously insulting them for being single – which is what she was doing, repeatedly.

      Though again, I cannot quite tell if that was unintentional on her part, if she didn’t realize how she was coming across or what.

      1. Most likely she had no idea she was hurting you. A lot of people are insensitive at church. Hard to imagine our situations if someone married at 19 or 20 and never lived alone.

        People are nice at my new church. Been rejected repeatedly since age 9. Dad would lose his preaching position (no bishop and independent churches.) Whenever this happened Dad took Mom, the other kids, and me from one church to another to pretend to be perfect and put on a show so Dad would get hired and we wouldn’t become homeless. Pretty heavy burden for a child though my parents never told me. I was a smart kid and figured it out.

        Dating reminds me of this horrible experience. One rejection after another. I don’t hate men, but I loathe dating with a vengeance. Few of the men left “out there” are fit even to drink coffee with. The good ones waste no time dumping me it seems. Dating experts say you should go on 100 dates with different men per year. Ugh!

        I prefer to stay home with my cat Abby. Her love is more genuine than anyone I ever will meet dating. She doesn’t insult me with “negs” or tell me I’m old and have “no value.” I don’t need a husband telling me that crap so any dude saying that stuff will have to look elsewhere to spew out his inner nastiness.

  2. Oh my gosh, i apologize, was not my intent to offend you. I take back those things i said that were hurtful to you, i was just trying to give a different perspective.

    By the way i don’t have children either, i never wanted to be a mother either just so you know.

    I will say nothing further on this subject.

      1. Was not my intent to be condescending to you. I come here because i like reading your posts and links to articles, some of them are very eye opening and interesting. I apologize for assuming you were bitter or angry for being single.

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