What Is The #HusbandNotDad? Down The Rabbit Hole Of An Unlikely Hashtag by P. Frank
If your spouse is five (especially ten) more years younger or older than you are, IMO, that is gross gross gross gross.
I have never supported “May-December” relationships, and I blogged about it (Link): here. I’m usually a pretty live and let live type of person, but the age gap thing has always grossed me out.
When you are 20 and your husband is 40, I sure hope you enjoy things when you’re 40 and changing his adult diapers when he’s 60. Or the ages are 60 and 80. Good luck with that.
Welcome to a unique pocket of the internet, where women in heterosexual, monogamous relationships enact the decorum of outsiders.
…The hashtag: #HusbandNotDad.
It’s a short and confusing collection of words. But the tag’s meaning couldn’t be more straightforward. The man pictured alongside McCullough is her romantic partner, not the man who raised her.
He is husband and definitely not dad.
You might not have asked, but there it is.
The explicit refutation of a familial bond that never was exudes a whiff of incestuousness.
Why bring your dad into it at all?
McCullough is one of many people (predominantly young women) to use the phrase on Instagram.
The nearly 400 photos currently tagged #HusbandNotDad feature typical Instagram fodder ― pictures of couples cuddled in bed, flaunting matching face masks, adopting puppy ears and floppy tongues with filters.
…. Following the hashtag k-hole illuminates a unique pocket of the internet, where women in heterosexual, monogamous relationships enact the online decorum of outsiders.
They claim the stigma of existing in an age-gap relationship has led to alienation and pain of varying degrees, and they’ve rallied around a hashtag in order to secure the solidarity they don’t find elsewhere.
#HusbandNotDad users make proudly visible a kind of traditional gender setup as old as patriarchies themselves. Even today, relationships between older men and younger women are not only common but predominant, according to a 2014 Current Population Survey (CPS), which states the average age gap between men and women is 2.3 years (with women occupying the junior position). In 64 percent of heterosexual couples, the survey found, the man is older.
…In conversation with hashtag users, several women explained to HuffPost that, for them, #HusbandNotDad is simply a pre-emptive measure. A defense against an ever-present threat: the question ― “Is that her husband or her dad?” ― which they feel lingers in the air around them and their partner, even online, like a pronounced odor.
The tag is “a way to let people know so they don’t have to ask,” as McCullough explained to me.
Rosie, a 33-year-old in a relationship with a 66-year-old, says her significant other is mistaken for her father “anytime we go anywhere.” (Rosie requested she be referred to using a pseudonym because certain family members aren’t aware of her relationship.)
Oh gawd. I cannot read any more of that article, it makes me want to Barf. Let me scroll it a bit more to see if it discusses anything else…
Okay, here’s another excerpt from the piece:
Some #HusbandNotDad users, who say they have been shunned by their families and communities because of their unorthodox partnerships, likened their online community to those of marginalized groups like LGBTQ people.
The whole thing just makes me feel nauseated.
Now I am waiting for the hash trend of #WifeNotMom to pop up.