Divorced 50-Something Lady Named Andy Says Her Ex Husband Gave Her an STD
On the November 6, 2018 episode of “The 700 Club” the Christian show host received a letter from a 54 year old woman named “Andy.”
I do not as of yet see this letter uploaded on (Link): the 700 Club You Tube account, (it would probably be uploaded under the “Your Questions, Honest Answers” section – edit: the just uploaded the ENTIRE day’s episode, the letter comes towards the end of the show/video), and I saw this letter only one time, so I am having to go on memory here.
(Whoever runs the 700 Club You Tube account has dropped the ball over the past year: they used to promptly upload each and every episode and the “Answers to Questions” segments every day within an hour after airing on TV, but they’ve not been doing that lately I have noticed. Anyway.)
From what I can recall, this Andy lady (who is apparently a Christian) said she was married to her husband for about twenty years.
Andy said at one stage of their marriage that her husband had an affair with another woman, which resulted in the husband contracting a very bad STD (sexually transmitted disease), and he passed it on to her.
This played a role in why she divorced her husband. She remains single now.
I think she said she still goes to church, says that she “knows that she cannot remarry,” and is afraid she may infect someone at her church with the STD cooties her husband gave her if she sneezes on them.
(She may have said that she has a particularly bad variety of STD that cannot be treated or cured??- I don’t recall.)
I believe that Andy may have indicated that she doesn’t want to spend the rest of her life alone and would like companionship.
I don’t remember the exact nature of her question, to Pat, either.
All I can say to and about this Andy lady is, if you want to remarry, and can find a guy that is willing to remarry in spite of your ex- husband- inflicted- STD (which she did not specify; I do not know if this woman has AIDS, herpes, or what), then go ahead and remarry.
Who cares what other Christians think, or what the Bible says? Christians cannot (Link): even agree on what the Bible means or how to (Link): apply the Bible, so you might as well make life choices based on what feels right to you (so long as you are not damaging other people along the way).
My observation on this matter is that contrary to a lot of conservative Christian (i.e., fundamentalist, Baptist, evangelical, and Protestant) propaganda, marriage does not necessarily make people happy, more mature, responsible, or godly, nor does marriage spare people from heartbreak and calamity.
Given this woman’s tone (in her letter) I would assume she is probably a very devout Christian.
Andy sounds like she’s probably a very thoughtful, considerate, and conscientious person. In spite of living right, trying to please God, if there is a God, He allowed her to marry a dirt bag who cheated on her and gave her an STD.
I’ve been watching these Christian shows for many years now, and I’m always seeing testimonies with people who say they were dying of cancer, or a car ripped their foot off, but, after their church or Christian granny prayed for them, voilà!, they were healed totally of their cancer, or their foot was miraculously replaced.
Okay, if all that is so, why is God not healing this poor Andy lady of her STD, that her husband gave her, and he gave this infection to her because he cheated on her?
Why is God supposedly sitting around healing people of their brain cancer or whatever other issues, but not this Andy person?
Andy probably met her (now ex) husband at church.
Her ex-husband (the lying, smarmy, horn dog piece of garbage who infected her with an STD obtained via adultery) probably claimed to be a Christian, too. He probably still claims to be a Christian.
I shudder to think that cheating bastards like this guy probably go back into the dating pool and also join dating sites – which is why if I ever start to date again, I am going to make sure I eventually find out exactly WHY the dude I’m dating is divorced, if he’s divorced.
If I’m dating a guy, or meet a guy via a dating site for a cup of coffee, I will want to know WHY his ex girlfriend dumped him.
I want the details of the break up. Maybe not on a first date, because that would be getting too personal too fast and would be none of my business at that stage, but you damn skippy I want to know exactly what I’m in for.
I absolutely will not waste my time dating (or marrying) a man who is a cheating, lying, man-whore, who is selfish, self-absorbed, and/or abusive. I will not waste my time with that. I refuse to.
I wouldn’t be surprised if Andy believes in the “Equally Yoked” Christian rule regarding marriage I’ve spoken out against numerous times on my blog.
I’m surprised that Pat Robertson didn’t victim blame and shame this woman, as is his usual habit.
In the past, when other women have written him to tell him their husband is a lying or cheating bastard, (Link): Pat Robertson blames these abused or conned women by saying things like, “You chose to marry him, lady,” as if to say “you deserve the abuse you’re getting because you were dumb enough to marry him.”
Well, maybe the woman in question chose to marry the guy, but a lot of abusive or lying men hide their negative natures, so the woman has no clue when she marries the guy what she’s going in for – it’s not until (Link): after a woman marries a man that the man may let his controlling, abusive nature show.
Also, regardless if the woman is aware of how bad her husband is or not prior to marrying the guy, Pat Robertson should still be holding the man accountable for his behavior, and tell the woman, ‘you are under no obligation to stay in that marriage and put up with it: divorce. Get out.’
Additionally, all this victim blaming of women (and it’s usually by men, but can be by women who act as “sell outs” to their own biological sex), overlooks the role societal conditioning places on women: often, we women are taught, from the time we are girls, by churches, parents, movies, teachers, magazines, television shows, etc, to fulfill certain gender stereotypes.
Women living up to gender stereotypes include, but are not limited to, us being taught that our love is enough to change a troubled man.
We women are taught by our culture to give a bad person who screws us over a second, third, fourth, or 100th chance. We are taught to be infinitely patient, loving, and forgiving towards people who hurt us.
We women are taught if we just love on a man enough, our love can transform him and cause him to turn into a better man – this gendered cliche’ turns up in “Beauty and the Beast” and in many other stories read to girls.
This cliche’ appears in daily television soap operas, magazines, and in romantic comedy movies aimed at teen girls and at adult women. That’s secular culture at work.
On the Christian, religious, and church front:
Some gender complementarian Christians even misuse the Bible to brainwash Christian women into accepting the false notion that if they are just sweet and quiet they can win over their unsaved (and/or abusive) husbands by their gentle, sweet nature.
In reality, Bible passages that talk about women being sweet and quiet around their husbands is not a “one size fits all” solution for every sort of marital problem, and a wife taking such am approach can actually end up enabling a selfish or abusive husband to remain selfish and abusive
(depending on the particulars involved, such an approach is not going to cause a jerk of a husband to have an epiphany where he realizes he needs to start treating his long-suffering wife better and convert to Christianity. This is a Christian fairy tale caused by sexism and misapplied Bible passages.)
So, even if a woman is aware that the man she is dating is an abusive, mean spirited, incompetent, dirt bag, she has been taught by her culture that she can change that man via her love and her endless patience.
But Pat Robertson wants to blame women for the sexist sh*t – including unhealthy relationship dynamics, that they are taught when they are girls – for women being married to losers and abusers. That’s not fair.
Why not start teaching women and girls they deserve to be treated with dignity and respect by the men they date and marry, they don’t have to stay married to abusers (teach them that divorce IS biblical and it is a valid option, so too is re-marriage)?
Why not teach girls and women that they do not have to abide any longer by church or secular gender stereotypes that teach girls and women they must be doormats?
Pat Robertson could be more helpful if he taught girls and women things like that on his program.
I feel sorry for Andy the 50-something woman. She sounds like a decent, devout Christian woman who has tried to live life right, as it’s been taught to her by whatever churches she’s been to, but she ended up contracting an STD from her rat bastard, dirt pig of an ex husband.
Life and marriage just does not work out to resemble a happy-happy, G-rated, sanitized Christian ending, like so many Christians teach.
I would cite you the links to videos so you can see the letter from Andy to Pat Robertson on the 700 Club show, but whoever runs their social media accounts has not uploaded any of it – not yet. Maybe they’ll upload it later.
End Note. Being Married Vs Being Single.
I also want to add here, as a never-married, 40-something woman, who had hoped to marry – and in light of all the recent letters I have seen from other over- age- 40 never- married adults saying things to Christian television hosts like, “I’ve prayed for years for God to send me a spouse, why am I still single” – it’s better to be single than to marry someone like the man Andy married.
Andy sounds like a sweet, trusting, decent Christian lady who was totally hosed by her ex husband.
She is probably heartbroken (and maybe infuriated) that the person she married betrayed her and let her down (and I don’t blame her if she feels that way).
I was engaged for years to a financially abusive, self absorbed, idiot douche bag. My ex-fiance was (Link): an utter disappointment, and I dumped his selfish, idiot, loser ass.
Women date, and want to marry, in the hope that the guy they marry will treat them right.
All women want to marry a Prince Charming. Prince Charming does not necessarily have to be perfect and have a billion dollars. But there’s a baseline there of modest expectations most women bring to the idea of marriage.
A few of those expectations, which most any man can meet (these are not impossible or unrealistic) include….
We women all want to marry a guy who will be faithful to us (not get into affairs or porn).
Women don’t want to marry self-absorbed, selfish men who only care about their own needs and not meeting the needs of their girlfriend or wife.
I could go on with other examples of the sorts of qualities women want and expect and don’t want in a spouse. Those are just a few.
But if you end up married to a guy who has an affair on you then gives you an STD as a result… I think it safe to say that Andy would have been better off if she had been like me and had never been married to start with.
I too lack companionship. She was, I think, saying she doesn’t want to live the rest of her life alone – but she may not have a choice. I’ve been doing it for a long time now. You do get accustomed to it.
It’s not the worst thing in the world. I think it’s actually worse to be trapped and stuck in a loveless marriage to a crumb bum man-slut who gives you STDs.
In this day and age, most people marry for love and companionship. If you’re not getting either one (I could frequently sit in the same room as my ex fiance and still feel all alone), it’s better to just stay single.
There’s no point being in a marriage to a man like this:
(Link): The Selfish, Lazy Husband Who Kept Blowing Off His Stressed Wife to Go on World War 2 Reenactments – Male Entitlement in Relationships: Why Women Divorce Men – and Churches and Culture Support This Male Entitlement
I just wish women such as Andy would not view being single (whether it’s life long or not) as being a fate worse than death.
I think being in a marriage (or engagement or dating relationship) with a selfish, abusive jerk is far worse.
(Link): Joanne The Widow Lady Wants to Know Why God Didn’t Answer Her Prayer to Keep her Husband With Her
(Link): How One Man Has Broken Up 4,000 Relationships and Caused 17 Divorces In Just 10 Days
(Link): The One Thing Evangelical Leaders Don’t Want Christians to Know about Mixed-Faith Marriages (two links). by C. Cassidy
(Link): Single People Aren’t Problems to Be Fixed or Threats to Be Neutralized By Ella Hickey
(Link): Don’t Be Pat Robertson: Learn That, Yes, Abusive Jerks Masquerade As Nice Guys Until They Marry the Woman Then They Abuse Her – Pat Blames A Woman Again For Marrying A Jerk
(Link): Christian Host Pat Robertson Tells Christian Woman Who Married Christian Man Who Turned Out to Be Totally Unethical That She has Discernment of a Slug – Single Women: toss Be Equally Yoked teaching in the trash can
(Link): How Christians Have Failed on Teaching Maturity and Morality Vis A Vis Marriage / Parenthood – Used as Markers of Maturity Or Assumed to be Sanctifiers – Also: More Hypocrisy – Christians Teach You Need A Spouse to Be Purified, But Also Teach God Won’t Send You a Spouse Until You Become Purified
(Link): I Was A Potted Plant – Woman Writes To Ask Amy: Husband’s Incessant Monologue – Reminds Me Of My Ex Fiance
(Link): Never-Married Adult Man Named Stephen Asks Christian Host Why God Has Not Answered His 3-Decades Long Prayers To Send Him A Wife
(Link): Why Don’t Some Men Realize A Relationship Is Over Until It’s Too Late? by N. Reilly
(Link): Male Entitlement In Dating and In Marriage – Single Christian Men Who Feel Entitled – Part 1
(Link): Husband’s Money Mismanagement Gets Couple Evicted Wife Wants A Divorce
(Link): I’m 45, Single And Childless. No, There’s Nothing ‘Wrong’ With Me. by M Notkin
(Link): What Two Religions Tell Us About the Modern Dating Crisis (from TIME) (ie, Why Are Conservative Religious Women Not Marrying Even Though They Want to Be Married. Hint: It’s a Demographics Issue)
(Link): Myths About Never Married Adults Over Age 40
(Link): How Sorry Do We Feel for the Lonesome Single Bachelors of New York? by T. Moore (never married men in their 40s talk about being tired of being single)
(Link): Revolting Attitudes Towards Abused Wives From a Southern Baptist Seminary Student – Southern Baptists Don’t Make Marriage Sound Appealing / Christian Singles: Dump the Equally Yoked Teaching
(Link): 60 Year Old, Never- Married Woman Asks Christian TV Host Pat Robertson If Some Are Just Not Meant to Marry
(Link): Celibate Christian Woman Asks Christian Host Why God Will Not Send Her a Husband
(Link): The Stupid Advice We Give To Single Women Over 40 (from the Current Conscience Blog)
(Link): Pedophiles Seeking Christian Wives in Churches – Another Reason to be Leery of the “Equally Yoked” Idea and Reconsider Church as a Place to Meet Singles
Link): Slut? Selfish? Sad? No, just a single woman (editorial)
(Link): A Long Time Single Responds to a ‘Why You’re Not Married’ Article
(Link): James the Single 40-Something Guy Asks 700 Club’s Pat Robertson Why Churches Don’t Help Singles
(Link): Christians Advise Singles To Follow Certain Dating Advice But Then Shame, Criticize, or Punish Singles When That Advice Does Not Work
(Link): Actor Supposedly Too Self-Absorbed to Get or Keep a Girlfriend
(Link): Utah lawmaker targets women with new divorce barriers so men aren’t ‘surprised’
(Link): Christian TV Show Pat Robertson Says Wives Who Want Emotional Support from a Husband Are Immature and Should Not Expect Emotional Support
(Link): Post with numerous examples of links to news stories about Christian married men who raped people, abused their wives, were drug addicts, etc
(Link): On Christians Marrying Non Christians -and- Unrealistic, Too Rigid Spouse Selection Lists by Christians