Why I’d Rather Die Alone Than Date Online by B. Hallberg

Why I’d Rather Die Alone Than Date Online by B. Hallberg

The woman who wrote this is encouraging singles to give up with online dating.

(Link): Why I’d Rather Die Alone Than Date Online by B. Hallberg

I will copy excerpts from that article in below, but I first wanted to say a few things:

I’m kind of cautiously in favor of online dating myself. I’m not going to sit here at this point and tell anyone and every one to totally stay away from it.

I said cautiously – because there are in fact weirdos and criminals on dating sites, just like anywhere else, and, there is no guarantee you’re going to meet a great guy on those sites, even if you don’t run into any weirdos or serial killers.

So, I’m not against dating sites and apps per se, but I am very much against the attitude (held by a lot of already-married people), that if you’re single and want a mate, you will definitely get a mate via a site – well, no, that’s not how it works.

I was a member of two or three dating sites for several months, and I never got matches, or not matches that I was interested in meeting.

One reason I would be very hesitant about using dating sites: I spent a week watching a lot of a true-crime television channel, and it seemed like 90% of the murders discussed on these shows were either committed by married people, or, by people who met each other through a dating site.

There was one show, for instance, (and this was about a true life crime story, this was NOT a work of fiction), where a young black lady, who was bi-sexual and who worked as a nurse, created a dating profile.

She met a guy and later a lady on this site.

She decided to break things off with the woman after about three weeks, but she still wanted to date the man. Well, the rejected lady girlfriend pretended to be just fine and dandy with this decision, she pretended to still want to just be friends with the nurse lady, but, she secretly resented this situation. So, on one visit to the woman’s house, she shot her in the head.

The police confiscated the killer lady’s computer only to find she had joined many other dating sites, was actively looking for other partners, and she was lying about her situation. In reality, she was next to broke and was unemployed, but she was saying on all her dating profiles that she had lots of money, worked as a nurse, and lived in a nice house.

And that’s just one example. I saw many, many other examples of true-life crime series where perverted, abusive, or dishonest people were using dating sites to meet people, and they they later killed those people.

I’m not saying real life meeting is safe, either – there was one show (this was true life, not fiction), where a man was going to a gay bar to pick up men, take them back to their homes, he would strangle them, then steal their credit cards.

And this is not limited to gay or bi-sexual people: many of the shows were about hetero people who used dating sites, met their partner that way, and later killed their partner.

(Link): Why I’d Rather Die Alone Than Date Online by B. Hallberg

Excerpts:

December 4, 2018

Online dating creates the wrong incentives, wastes time, and is an all-around disappointing, frustrating practice. Here’s why you should abandon it.

If you’re single, you’ve likely been asked, “Have you tried online dating?” Those who make this suggestion usually mean well––the stigma has been erased, a lot of people have found “their person” online (in 2017, 19 percent of brides said they met their spouse online), and it seems to be what all the kids are doing.

I’ve tried it twice. I worked (and-reworked) the perfect profile, swiped right on men who prioritized professional headshots over car selfies, and agreed to numerous blind dates.

But I eventually logged off and deactivated my account because I realized that dating the old-fashioned way was a better fit for me than the 21st-century model. And if that means I never find “my person,” it’s okay.

Here’s why I’d rather die alone than date online.

It’s Transactional, Not Relational
One of the reasons online dating attracts users is the ease with which you can analyze your options from the comfort of your couch.

You can sort and arrange by a variety of preferences—age, height, weight, race, occupation, hobbies, location, past marital status. Just open your app and choose what qualities you find most attractive.

While being able to select someone best suited for you based on location, age, religion, or your “must haves” is important, there is a negative side to so many options: the process can become transactional, not relational.

CNN (Link): reported that “the ease with which people can sift through profiles––and click on to the next one––may lead them to ‘objectify’ potential partners and compare them like so many pairs of shoes.”

This is the downside of the online dating market.

While it reveals countless options, it also gives you permission to treat potential matches as disposable.

It’s difficult to assign inherent value (regardless of compatibility) to a profile, and dating sites can’t hold you accountable. You can easily dismiss potential matches if they don’t check every box because you believe more options are waiting behind that swipe.

But does more choice lead to more dating success? No, increasing your odds has unintended consequences. Psychology Today (Link): says dating multiple people doesn’t increase your odds of marriage because it often leads to a “decreased desire to commit to a single partner.”

[At this stage, the article discusses how “ghosting” is more of a phenomenon on dating sites than in real-life]

It’s a Full-Time Job

Go ahead, google “online dating fatigue” [(Link): Online Dating Fatigue is a Real Thing and It’s Happening to Everyone by Madison Vanderberg] and you’ll see a plethora of articles on how to handle not just the emotional stress of online dating, but also the time commitment. …

… If this is true for you, know that you can say no to online dating with the reassurance that it’s not your only option. People still meet at work, through mutual friends, or via walking their dogs in the park. It may just take a longer wait.

 


Related Posts:

(Link):  Ask Amy: These Sex-Crazed Weirdos Turned Me Off Internet Dating

(Link): Risky Business: The Dangers of Online Dating and How to Protect Yourself

(Link):  Tips For Defensive Dating, Including Warning Signs that You Could Be The Target Of An Online Romance Scam – From the WSJ

(Link):   ‘Everybody Loves Raymond’ TV Show Scene Perfectly Sums Up What It’s Like To Be Single at 40+ When You Had Wanted to Be Married 

(Link):  When Newsweek ‘Struck Terror in the Hearts of Single Women’ – Bogus Study Said Women Over 40 More Likely To Be Killed By A Terrorist Than to Marry

(Link):  Ingrid Lyne, 40 Year Old, Murdered and Decapitated by Man She Met on Dating Site

(Link): Online Dating Fatigue is a Real Thing and It’s Happening to Everyone by Madison Vanderberg

(Link): The One Thing You’re Doing Wrong in Dating, According to The Founder of An Elite Dating App

(Link): Stop Telling Your Single Friends to Try Dating Sites – Please.

(Link): Why Online Dating Doesn’t Work

(Link): Internet dating firms entice lonely hearts with faked profiles based on real people (article)

(Link):  Florida Man Murdered By Woman (and her friends) Whom He Met On a Dating Site

(Link):  Celibate Christian Woman Asks Christian Host (Pat Robertson) Why God Will Not Send Her a Husband

(Link): More 40-Something Single Women Falling Prey to Dishonest or Violent Men in Dating (says report)

(Link): Police: Woman raped, stabbed by man she met on dating website / Separate news story: Man used dating sites to find rape victims

(Link): Beware of Rapists on Christian Dating Sites

(Link): Weird Dating Sites, Toilet Dating, Dating Sites and Privacy

(Link): Online Dating: Women Want Younger Men (article)

(Link): Men Posting Profiles on Dating Sites Could Use Some Tips (from Dear Abby column)

(Link):  Necrophiliac Gets Prison For Killing Teacher on First Date Whom He Met Using Dating Site

(Link): Police urge caution when using dating websites / Murderers on Dating Sites

(Link): Woman Meets Man on Dating Site, He Steals Her Dog and TV on First Date

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