ABC Won’t Let Us Forget That the New Bachelor Is A Virgin. Is That A Problem? by L. Bonos / Lily News
(Link): ABC Won’t Let Us Forget That the New Bachelor Is A Virgin. Is That A Problem?
Excerpts:
Past contestants say the show sometimes talks around sex in a way that feels exploitative
By The Lily News, Jan 6, 2019
Adapted from a story by The Washington Post’s Lisa Bonos.
Last night, this season of ABC’s “The Bachelor” premiered. Its lead is Colton Underwood: a 26-year-old former professional football player who, when he appeared on “The Bachelorette” this past summer, delivered an announcement that surprised many. He’s a virgin — and now, as he steps into the spotlight, ABC will not let us forget it for a moment.
Conversations with past Bachelor Nation virgins reveal the reality show and its spin offs often use wholesome things — such as virginity and the search for a husband and wife — as ways to talk about the more titillating aspects of dating, in ways that can feel exploitative.
“The Bachelor,” in its first season with a virgin in the main role, seems poised to focus on sex in every episode and could end up feeling sleazier than ever. Or will it redefine virginity in a way that is constructive?
Bachelor Nation’s obsession with virginity
This past summer, Ashley Iaconetti, who had been open about her virginity while competing on “The Bachelor” and “Bachelor in Paradise” in her late 20s, and her mother were watching “The Bachelorette” when Underwood announced he was a virgin. The Bachelorette was surprised — and so was Ashley’s mom.
“There’s no way he’s a virgin,” Ashley recalls her mother saying. She was disappointed her own mother did not believe Colton. She remembers saying, “How could you say that when you birthed me?”
“It’s so bizarre that they focus on it,” Ashley says in a phone interview.
Among young millennials, abstaining from sex is not that rare. A recent study (Link): shows that, among 20- to 24-year-olds, 15 percent say they have not had sex since turning 18 — more than twice the share that it was in the 1990s.
Suzannah Showler, author of the book “Most Dramatic Ever: The Bachelor,” sees something crass in “The Bachelor’s” obsession with Colton’s virginity. Viewers “might not notice the offering up of someone’s virginity as a prize in a game show, but that is what is happening,” she said in a phone interview.
Former Bachelor Nation contestants who were openly virgins say that immediately became their story line.
… But unless someone (ahem, Nick Viall) explicitly brings up sex when the cameras are rolling again, viewers at home do not necessarily find out what happens off-camera.
Unless a contestant is a virgin. Then that choice is vaunted into the category of: Information the Bachelor Must Know.
And viewers wait to see if this makes a person too inexperienced to get engaged.
In the same way contestants who lead with their sexuality are questioned as to their sincerity and readiness for marriage, virginity is cast as a red flag or an “obstacle to overcome.”
…Virginity in pop culture
Former contestants say there is another positive potential in the show harping on one man’s lack of sexual experience: It could challenge preconceived notions of what a virgin looks like. ABC and Judd Apatow (Link): recently shared revised versions of the movie poster for the 2005 comedy“The 40-Year-Old Virgin,” pasting an image of hunky Colton where a nerdy Steve Carrell used to be.
Christen, who on the show was abstaining from sex for religious reasons, notes that in pop culture, virgins are usually portrayed as “super-insecure” (and guys get judged even more harshly than women do).
For Ashley and Colton, the decision to wait has not been linked to religion. It is more about wanting to be in a strong committed relationship before taking that leap….
Remainder of that article is (Link): here.
Related:
(Link): I’m a Virgin, So Why Am I Being Slut-Shamed? by Ashley Iaconetti
(Link): NetFlix’s “Sexy Beast” Blind Dating Show
(Link): ‘Bachelorette’ Star Shamed For His Virginity Defends Himself
(Link): Five Things We Wish We Could Tell the Girls on ‘The Bachelor’ by A. Shull and S. Saputo
(Link): What Happens to Men Who Stay Bachelors Forever, According To Science by L. Vinopal
(Link): Are You Ashamed of Biblical [Sexual] Purity? by J. Slattery
(Link): Living Myths About Virginity (via The Atlantic)
(Link): On ‘Late’-In-Life Virginity Loss (from The Atlantic)
(Link): Why Some People Become 30 Year Old Virgins (Article / Study)
(Link): Virginity Lost, Experience Gained (article with information from study about virginity)
(Link): When Adult Virginity and Adult Celibacy Are Viewed As Inconvenient or As Impediments
(Link): An Open Letter to Male Virgins by Anna Broadway
(Link): An Example of Mocking Adult Virginity Via Twitter (Virginity Used As Insult)
(Link): Why So Much Fornication – Because Christians Have No Expectation of Sexual Purity
(Link): No, Christians and Churches Do Not Idolize Virginity or Sexual Purity
(Link): Stop Pretending Sex Never Hurts, By D.C. McAllister
(Link): Why Are Christian Guys Silent About Abstinence? by C. Hill
(Link): People Were Asked to Guess A Virgin From A Group Of Strangers. The Results Were Unexpected
(Link): Why Are Young Feminists So Clueless About Sex? by M. Wente
(Link): We’re Casual About Sex and Serious About Consent. But Is It Working? by J. Zimmerman
(Link): No, Christians and Churches Do Not Idolize Virginity and Sexual Purity (they attack both concepts)
(Link): The Christian and Non Christian Phenomenon of Virgin Shaming and Celibate Shaming
(Link): Sex, Love & Celibacy by Dan Navin [who is a Christian homosexual celibate]
(Link): Some Researchers Argue that Shame Should Be Used to Treat Sexual Compulsions
(Link): CDC Report: Virgin Teens Much Healthier Than Their Sexually Active Peers (2016 Report)
(Link): A Day In The Life Of An Abstinence Ed Teacher by S. Gomez
(Link): Why So Much Fornication – Because Christians Have No Expectation of Sexual Purity
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