ABC Won’t Let Us Forget That the New Bachelor Is A Virgin. Is That A Problem? by L. Bonos

ABC Won’t Let Us Forget That the New Bachelor Is A Virgin. Is That A Problem? by L. Bonos / Lily News

(Link): ABC Won’t Let Us Forget That the New Bachelor Is A Virgin. Is That A Problem?

Excerpts:

Past contestants say the show sometimes talks around sex in a way that feels exploitative

By The Lily News, Jan 6, 2019

Adapted from a story by The Washington Post’s Lisa Bonos.

Last night, this season of ABC’s “The Bachelor” premiered. Its lead is Colton Underwood: a 26-year-old former professional football player who, when he appeared on “The Bachelorette” this past summer, delivered an announcement that surprised many. He’s a virgin — and now, as he steps into the spotlight, ABC will not let us forget it for a moment.

Conversations with past Bachelor Nation virgins reveal the reality show and its spin offs often use wholesome things — such as virginity and the search for a husband and wife — as ways to talk about the more titillating aspects of dating, in ways that can feel exploitative.

“The Bachelor,” in its first season with a virgin in the main role, seems poised to focus on sex in every episode and could end up feeling sleazier than ever. Or will it redefine virginity in a way that is constructive?

Bachelor Nation’s obsession with virginity
This past summer, Ashley Iaconetti, who had been open about her virginity while competing on “The Bachelor” and “Bachelor in Paradise” in her late 20s, and her mother were watching “The Bachelorette” when Underwood announced he was a virgin. The Bachelorette was surprised — and so was Ashley’s mom.

“There’s no way he’s a virgin,” Ashley recalls her mother saying. She was disappointed her own mother did not believe Colton. She remembers saying, “How could you say that when you birthed me?”

“It’s so bizarre that they focus on it,” Ashley says in a phone interview.

Among young millennials, abstaining from sex is not that rare. A recent study (Link): shows that, among 20- to 24-year-olds, 15 percent say they have not had sex since turning 18 — more than twice the share that it was in the 1990s.

Suzannah Showler, author of the book “Most Dramatic Ever: The Bachelor,” sees something crass in “The Bachelor’s” obsession with Colton’s virginity. Viewers “might not notice the offering up of someone’s virginity as a prize in a game show, but that is what is happening,” she said in a phone interview.

Former Bachelor Nation contestants who were openly virgins say that immediately became their story line.

… But unless someone (ahem, Nick Viall) explicitly brings up sex when the cameras are rolling again, viewers at home do not necessarily find out what happens off-camera.

Unless a contestant is a virgin. Then that choice is vaunted into the category of: Information the Bachelor Must Know.

And viewers wait to see if this makes a person too inexperienced to get engaged.

In the same way contestants who lead with their sexuality are questioned as to their sincerity and readiness for marriage, virginity is cast as a red flag or an “obstacle to overcome.”

Virginity in pop culture

Former contestants say there is another positive potential in the show harping on one man’s lack of sexual experience: It could challenge preconceived notions of what a virgin looks like. ABC and Judd Apatow (Link): recently shared revised versions of the movie poster for the 2005 comedy“The 40-Year-Old Virgin,” pasting an image of hunky Colton where a nerdy Steve Carrell used to be.

Christen, who on the show was abstaining from sex for religious reasons, notes that in pop culture, virgins are usually portrayed as “super-insecure” (and guys get judged even more harshly than women do).

For Ashley and Colton, the decision to wait has not been linked to religion. It is more about wanting to be in a strong committed relationship before taking that leap….

Remainder of that article is (Link): here.


Related:

(Link): I’m a Virgin, So Why Am I Being Slut-Shamed? by Ashley Iaconetti

(Link): ‘Bachelorette’ Star Shamed For His Virginity Defends Himself

(Link): Five Things We Wish We Could Tell the Girls on ‘The Bachelor’ by A. Shull and S. Saputo

(Link): Why Are Young People Having So Little Sex? America is in a Sex Recession –  by K. Jullian – via The Atlantic

(Link): What Happens to Men Who Stay Bachelors Forever, According To Science by L. Vinopal

(Link):   I Shouldn’t Need An Excuse To Be A Virgin – (Secular Editorial Defends Virginity – More Rare Than a Unicorn Sighting)

(Link): Are You Ashamed of Biblical [Sexual] Purity? by J. Slattery

(Link): Study (from 2016) Claims Pre-Marital Virginity is Now ‘Antiquated’ – Is Virginity No Longer Virtuous?

(Link): Living Myths About Virginity (via The Atlantic)

(Link): On ‘Late’-In-Life Virginity Loss (from The Atlantic)

(Link): Why Some People Become 30 Year Old Virgins (Article / Study)

(Link): Virginity Lost, Experience Gained (article with information from study about virginity)

(Link): When Adult Virginity and Adult Celibacy Are Viewed As Inconvenient or As Impediments

(Link):  An Open Letter to Male Virgins by Anna Broadway

(Link):  An Example of Mocking Adult Virginity Via Twitter (Virginity Used As Insult)

(Link):  The Decisive Marriage – Study Says Couples Who Don’t Have Pre-Marital Sex, or Not Much or Not Many Sexual Partners Pre-Marriage, Have Better Quality or Longer Lasting Marriages

(Link):  Self Control – everyone has it, is capable of it, but most choose not to use it (New Study Says Conservatives Have Better Self Control Than Liberals)

(Link): Why So Much Fornication – Because Christians Have No Expectation of Sexual Purity

(Link) The Christian, Liberal, and Feminist Tendency to Intellectualize Away the Meaningfulness of Female Virginity

(Link): No, Christians and Churches Do Not Idolize Virginity or Sexual Purity

(Link): Stop Pretending Sex Never Hurts, By D.C. McAllister

(Link): Confusing Sexual Assault and Sexual Abuse with Consensual Sex and Then Condemning Sexual Purity Teachings – and other, related topics

(Link): Douglas Wilson and Christian Response FAIL to Sexual Sin – No Body Can Resist Sex – supposedly – Re: Celibacy

(Link): I Notice It’s the Fornicators Who Want to Ignore or Downplay the Bible’s Teaching that People Are To Stay Virgins Until Marriage

(Link): Secular Liberal Feminist Marcotte on Anyone Choosing To Be a Virgin Until Marriage: “It’s a Silly Idea” – What Progressive Christians, Conservative Christians, Non Christians, and Salon’s Amanda Marcotte Gets Wrong About Christian Views on Virginity

(Link): Did Hell Freeze Over?: Liberal Rag Promotes Idea that Celibacy is Acceptable, and a Valid Life Choice / Re: 2016 Study Says Millennials Aren’t Having Much Sex

(Link): Annie Murphy’s Sex and Relationship Column Gives Some Fantastic Advice About “Losing Your Virginity” by Princess Weekes

(Link): Study (from 2016) Claims Pre-Marital Virginity is Now ‘Antiquated’ – Is Virginity No Longer Virtuous?

(Link): Why Are Christian Guys Silent About Abstinence? by C. Hill

(Link): People Were Asked to Guess A Virgin From A Group Of Strangers. The Results Were Unexpected

(Link): Why Are Young Feminists So Clueless About Sex? by M. Wente

(Link): WashPost Columnist: ‘Ghostbusters’ Haters Are ‘Virgin Losers’ – (via NewsBusters Site); Both the Right and Left Wing Get Some things Wrong About This

(Link):  We’re Casual About Sex and Serious About Consent. But Is It Working? by J. Zimmerman

(Link): Slut Shaming and Virgin Shaming and Secular and Christian Culture – Dirty Water / Used Chewing Gum and the CDC’s Warnings – I guess the CDC is a bunch of slut shamers ?

(Link): No, Christians and Churches Do Not Idolize Virginity and Sexual Purity (they attack both concepts)

(Link): The Christian and Non Christian Phenomenon of Virgin Shaming and Celibate Shaming

(Link): Sex, Love & Celibacy by Dan Navin [who is a Christian homosexual celibate]

(Link): A Grown-Up, Not Sexed-Up, View of Womanhood (article) – how Christian teachings on gender and singlehood contribute to raunch culture and fornication etc

(Link):  Some Researchers Argue that Shame Should Be Used to Treat Sexual Compulsions

(Link): Christians Who Attack Virginity Celibacy and Sexual Purity – and specifically Russell D. Moore and James M. Kushiner

(Link):  CDC Report: Virgin Teens Much Healthier Than Their Sexually Active Peers (2016 Report)

(Link): A Day In The Life Of An Abstinence Ed Teacher by S. Gomez

(Link): False Christian Teaching: “Only A Few Are Called to Singleness and Celibacy” or (also false): “God’s gifting of singleness is rare”

(Link): Why So Much Fornication – Because Christians Have No Expectation of Sexual Purity

Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s