Everything My Church Taught Me About Sex and Marriage Is Wrong by D. Brown
Pro tip: Don’t take advice from people who brag about their ‘smoking hot wives.’
… Through [Christian-based] abstinence talks and dating talks and relationship talks, my understanding of marriage has become strewn with oft-repeated lines like “I don’t deserve my smoking hot wife” and “sex is awesome and feels great but you need to wait. I did.”
Well-meaning as they were, speakers used these lines to preach the Gospel, but the main thing I took away was a shallow understanding of sex and marriage. I found myself believing in two lies: “marriage and sex are completely different” and “sex is about me.”
Marriage and Sex Are Completely Different
Most talks and sermons on physical intimacy and marriage are compartmentalized. It is about sex… and then marriage, or it is about marriage… and then sex.
Sex becomes an “add-on” to marriage much like a shed out back is an “add-on” to a house. It doesn’t have anything to do with the actual relationship, nothing to do with the structural integrity of the house itself. It’s just a bonus.
….Sex and marriage, through this compartmentalization, become mutually exclusive and independent from each other.
But the Bible seems to be focused on the holistic person. It was Jesus who healed a man’s spiritual sins and his physical ailments (Luke 5:22-24). It was the spiritual faith of the hemorrhaging woman that healed her physical wounds (Luke 8:43-48). Jesus was spiritually distraught and sweats physical blood (Luke 22:44).
…Sex Is About Me
The “smoking hot wife” line is one of many popular phrases used by youth pastors when they’re talking about marriage or sex. Another thing I heard a lot In abstinence talks was the acknowledgement that, “Sex is awesome. It feels amazing.” However, I never heard the perspective of the “smoking hot” wives.
Sex takes two people, but only one side was speaking; only one side told me how great it was.
Because of this, my understanding of sex became naturally one-sided. What I heard was, “I’m going to love having sex. It will make me feel great.”
This mindset places myself over everything else. The “amazing feeling” can happen with any woman. The particular woman, my wife, is only a means to an end. She is merely serving my need to feel “amazing.”
…Christ did not love the Church for what she could do for Him. He loved the Church for who she was.
Read the entire page on (Link): Relevant’s site.