Christians In Love With Non-Christians (and Their Christian “Friends” Who Object)
[The author reproduces some correspondence from Christian women who say they are or were dating Non-Christian men, but their Christian friends objected]
…You know what else is not a Christian thing to do (or what shouldn’t be, anyway)? Putting religious dogma ahead of being a friend.
If you know someone who is in a committed relationship of which you do not approve, an excellent question to ask yourself—especially before venturing to offer any opinion on that relationship—is whether or not anyone but you gives a rolled-up church bulletin what you think of that relationship.
More importantly, does anyone actually in that relationship care what you think of it? Have they asked you what you think about it?
If no one in a relationship has asked for your input about their relationship, then why not actually show you’re a Christian, and be quiet about it?
Read that entire blog post (Link): here
I left that guy a reply under his blog post. I had to put my reply under someone’s post named Melissa, because his blog doesn’t permit newbies to post new posts unless they are replies. I don’t know what’s up with that. Here is what I said on his blog:
I was wondering how you would respond to the ol’ “Don’t be unequally yoked” Bible verse a lot of anti-mixed-faith marriage Christians like to bring up?
There is something in the Bible about only being “yoked to a believer,” and many Christians apply that to marriage.
Regardless of what the Bible teaches on the topic, I’m disturbed that so many Christians are dogmatic about it when it impacts people’s lives.
This is not just theoretical or abstract for some of us.
When I was younger, I believed in the “don’t be unequally yoked” rule.
I was brought up Christian, I was a Christian for many years (I don’t know exactly what I believe now), and I was taught when younger (in Southern Baptist churches), that a single woman who wanted marriage should just pray and trust in God to send her a Christian spouse.
So that is what I did.
And I’m still single.
I am over 45 years of age and have never been married.
I put faith in God, waited, trusted God, even went to singles classes at churches (where there were no single men in my age range), and I tried dating sites. Still single.
In some ways, in the last several years, I have made peace with my single status (in spite of having wanted to marry), but at times, I would still like to be married. I’d like the companionship.
Well, what if I were to meet a great guy at this stage in my life who wanted to marry me, but he was a Non-Christian?
That would make me thrilled. I’d be willing to marry the guy, even if he was a Non-Christian.
But there are Christians out there who I do believe would shame me and scold me and insist I stick to a dogmatic belief about being “equally yoked” than in me getting my needs met or having a shot at earthly happiness, which I find really repulsive and warped.
Again, I am over 45 years old. These “equally yoked” pushing Christians never seem to factor into what happens when a marriage-desiring Christian single is still single at age 35, 45, or older?
It’s really easy to lecture and preach the “equally yoked marriage” stuff to 12 and 15 year old girls, and to 25 year old women, but it looks very impractical and rather cruel to me now that I am getting closer to turning 50 in a few years.
Furthermore, I don’t like the Christians who spiritualize this situation, and I’ve had them do this to me, or have seen them do it to other Christians:
I don’t like hearing from them, “Aw, how sweet, you stayed faithful to God’s equally yoked teaching, so I am sure in Heaven, God will reward you for it. You are glorifying God in your singleness.”
Well, forget that! I don’t care about being rewarded in the afterlife for it, I’d like a spouse in the here and now.
I have a few links on my blog to articles that discuss how there is a “man shortage” among conservative religious groups, such as Jews, Mormons, and Christians, so a lot of women in these groups, though they’d like to marry, are remaining single.
These studies and articles have said there are not enough single men for the single ladies to marry IF they keep looking for a husband among their own religious group.
Edit. A guy named Christopher in the comment box said (in part):
What if a Christian woman finds a guy who is a good, loving, honest, responsible, caring and supports her Christian beiiefs but is not a Christian himself.
Oh, that’s easy. So many Christians are dogmatic assholes about this subject, they would still tell the single woman to avoid the dude, don’t even date him.
Because Christians would rather singles who desire marriage remain in a purgatory of unwanted singleness than to actually receive some earthly joy.
My philosophy at this point in life is that if you are a single Christian woman who wants to marry, judge your date by his character NOT by his religious beliefs.
If you keep holding out for Mr. Christian Suitor, you may end up like I am, still single into your 40s. It’s better to be practical about marriage and getting a mate than religiously idealistic.
And many (Link): Christian men are jerks – being someone who claims belief in Christ is not a guarantee of character or solid marriage material.
You’re always going to have Christians who want you to sacrifice any chance of you getting your needs met, or being happy, for upholding some rigid doctrinal purity.