Response to the Alex Parker Piece ‘Feminist Rages Against GirlPal ‘Galentine’s Day,’ Says No Women Are Lonely, Praises Group Vomiting’

Response to the Alex Parker Piece ‘Feminist Rages Against GirlPal ‘Galentine’s Day,’ Says No Women Are Lonely, Praises Group Vomiting’

A conservative editorialist at the Town Hall site, Alex Parker (who I assume is a man), mocks an (Link): anti-Galentine’s Day essay written by a secular, liberal feminist named Rachel Hosie.

“Galentine’s Day” is a new holiday where women friends can celebrate their friendships with each other on February 13th.

The secular feminist that Parker is responding to believes that Galentine’s Day is patronizing to single women, so she is not in support of the holiday.

As a never-married woman who is over 45 years of age who had wanted to be married, but it didn’t come to pass for me, I came to terms with being never-married years ago, so Valentine’s Day no longer bothers me the way it used to.

I don’t have strong feelings for or against Galentine’s Day.

While Hosie’s contention may be true that Galentine’s Day is patronizing towards single adulthood (which is a bad thing), I see it as ultimately a harmless day for women to spend enjoying the friendship of their women friends, so I don’t object to the holiday.

I do however object to a few of the points that Parker made while trying to dismantle Hosie’s arguments.

I will provide excerpts from the Parker editorial and then offer my observations:

(Link): Feminist Rages Against GirlPal ‘Galentine’s Day,’ Says No Women Are Lonely, Praises Group Vomiting

Excerpts:

[Hosie the liberal feminist writes,]

Actually, we don’t need your pity — and the whole concept perpetuates the ridiculous myth of the sad, single woman.

[To which conservative Parker replies,]

The ridiculous myth?? How is it a myth, and how is it ridiculous?

Men want women, and women want men; that’s why we have February 14th … Thursday’s gonna find some people without dates; some portion of those will have ovaries; and some of those are gonna be none too thrilled.

Oh, wait — I forgot; this is 2019.

Okay…women aren’t women and men aren’t men and women don’t have to be like men or women, and there are no men or women…
–(end quotes)—-

My comments regarding this portion of the exchange:

Spinsters and Crazy Cat Ladies

I cannot believe Parker is feigning ignorance of the “sad, pathetic” single woman trope.

Being a conservative who is critiquing a liberal or feminist essay does not mean having to act ignorant of certain societal truths in the process.

Yes, American culture usually portrays older, never-married women as being sad, lonely, losers. We single ladies, especially over the age of 35, get dubbed, or thought of, as “crazy cat ladies,” and we get stuck with derogatory labels such as “spinster.”

That is reality; it is not made up by feminist liberals.

We single women aren’t regarded as being charming for being single, as bachelors are.

Movie actor George Clooney remained single into his 50s until he finally married, and he was thought adorable in spite of  his never-married status. Single women do not get that same cultural approval or admiration for being single.

Happy or Lonely

While some singles are not happy being single and would like a date (or a spouse), it’s not true that all singles are lovelorn and want to be married.

Some adult singles, such as Bella DePaulo, who writes the (Link): “Living Single” series of articles at Psychology Today, has always been single and has no desire to be married. She is happy being single.

Some married people are (Link): lonely and (Link): miserable in their marriages and want to be single again, so they divorce their spouse, or some married people have affairs, or some (Link): murder their spouses to (Link): be with their lover.

I’m a never-married single who always wanted to be married, but I never met the right person, though I was engaged while in my early 30s.

However, the man I was engaged to was a stupid, self-absorbed, financially exploitative leech and a mama’s boy, so I broke up with him.

I’d like to educate Parker that the emotional state or happiness levels of being a marriage-desiring single who still remains single way past the age of 35 is not as clear-cut and stable as he assumes it to be.

Like Grieving

Being single but wanting to be married is a lot like going through the grieving process after a loved one dies:
You have days, weeks, or months when you may feel despondent, sad, or cry; but then, you have some days or weeks where you feel neither particularly sad or happy, just sort of “meh”; then you have your time frames where you feel happy.

It’s not as though I, an adult single who wanted to be married but who remains single, spends 24 hours a day, seven days a week, year after year of my singleness, curled in a fetal position on the floor of my home sobbing because I am single.

That sort of despondency over singleness was more true of me when I was around ages 36 – 38 and saw no signs of marriage on the horizon, when I had expected to be married by age 35 at the latest.

After a few years in my mid or late 30s of being alarmed at, “oh no, I’m still single, marriage didn’t happen,” I grieved it, accepted it, and just went on to live my life.

Sometimes I experience loneliness as a single adult for being single, but not always (sometimes (Link): married people experience loneliness in their marriage or even when sitting in the same room as their spouse).

The Reminders

Ironically, in the early years of accepting my single status (which would be around my late 30s or early 40s), the only thing that used to upset me were the advertisements for Valentine’s Day, which only served as a reminder that I was still single.

The rest of the year, I was pretty much okay with my singleness.

The only other things that could make me feel bad about being single at that time of my life were things such as:

  1. the individuals who interrogated me, (usually with a “I pity you for being single” facial expression), about my single status, and as if to imply I’m a “nothing” without a spouse, and
  2. Christian preachers and laypersons who preach that there is something “wrong” with being single, and that a romantic partner is necessary to be mature, godly, happy, to be pleasing to God, to be living out God’s purpose for my life, and to have meaning in life (as Parker is writing about here), or to be “complete.”

Sometimes I enjoy the solitude of being single and feel glad I don’t have to compromise with a partner over how to spend money, what restaurant to visit, or what to watch on TV.

Singleness, Like Marriage, Is a Rollercoaster Ride

Parker seems to be portraying singleness as a non-stop stream of Hell, when it’s no such thing.

Just like being in a long-term relationship, being single for many years on end has its ups and its downs. It’s not always up, and it’s not always down.

Being single when one wants to be married is as described in this Tweet: the frustration or unhappiness with long term, unwanted singleness (Link): Ebbs and Flows. It’s not 100%, all the time upsetting or frustrating. Sometimes it feels okay to be single.

When I was in a long term relations with with my ex, it had its okay moments, the first few months were kind of happy, and the relationship had its bad moments, too.

My relationship with my fiance’ was not a non-stop “happy time” where he was meeting every need of mine, and I was always thrilled to be with him.

What Does Transgenderism Have To Do With Anything?

As to Parker’s other comments about men not being men today, or men being women: I take it Parker is referring to transgenderism? Transgenderism has nothing to do with the topic of adult singleness, so why bring that up?

In a nut shell, my view on transgenderism is I don’t care what other adults want to do with their bodies or their identities, so long as it does not negatively impact me in some way.

If a biological man wants to wear skirts and pretend to be a woman, I don’t really care so much, so long as that behavior doesn’t put myself or other women into danger,  (Link): which it sometimes does.

What Does Singleness Have To Do With Abortion?

Continuing with the excerpts:

[The feminist Hosie says,]

There’s no joy quite like being able to put yourself first and do exactly what you want.

[Parker replies,]

Consider that statement for a moment.

Is that where we are as a society?

Is that the reason for this [abortion news story] and this [another abortion news story]?

Rachel’s statement goes against the common moral wisdom of thousands of years. It indicates no understanding of romance, togetherness, family, parenthood, or other components that give meaning to life. For gals. And even guys.

[I say…as I sit here by myself with coffee and Hershey’s kisses.]
–(end quotes)—-

 I am a never-married adult who is conservative, and I am pro-life.

I don’t support abortion as a form of birth control, which is how a lot of liberals and feminists seem to believe abortion should be used. I sure don’t support “late term” abortion, or abortion after birth, either.

Having said that, I think it’s a ridiculous stretch to take Hosie’s commentary about it being okay for single adult women to put themselves first and try to link that to abortion.

Stop Discouraging Women From Rejecting Codependency

When I was engaged to Hank (not his real name), my ex fiance’, he was (among many other negative qualities), a selfish, self-absorbed control freak who had to have his own way all the time on everything.

Even if I very politely enacted my boundaries and politely disagreed with my ex (which was so rare, because I was a codependent at that stage of life), saying to him,

“Why no, dear, I’m not in the mood to eat at Olive Garden again tonight. We ate there last night. How about we stay in tonight?,”

-my ex would throw a total fit and rage like a three year old toddler for 40 minutes, until and unless I caved in and agreed to do whatever it was he wanted.

Do you know what my single adult ass does not miss? Having to cave in all the time to meet the needs and preferences of Hank, my ex.

So yes, like Hosie says, one of the wonderful things about being single is being able to put yourself first and not have to cave in to the constant demands of a selfish spouse or boyfriend
– and I say this as a pro-life person who does not support after-birth abortion.

Get out of here with that weak, untrue, non-sensical link, Parker.

A single woman putting herself first and being happy about it is not immoral, and it does not equate to getting an abortion or to supporting abortion. Terrible argument on your part.

Worshipping Marriage And The Nuclear Family

Parker’s comments:

Rachel’s statement goes against the common moral wisdom of thousands of years. It indicates no understanding of romance, togetherness, family, parenthood, or other components that give meaning to life. For gals. And even guys.
–(end quotes)—-

 Parker, here you make the same mistake a lot of secular and conservative Christians make about these subjects.

You seemingly idolize the Nuclear Family, parenting, natalism, marriage.

Jesus of Nazareth never married and never had any children, yet, his life had meaning.

Jesus of Nazareth never taught that marriage or “The Nuclear Family” would or could repair sin or societal problems. He made it pretty clear what the problem was (sin) and what the only cure was (each individual placing saving faith in him).

Nowhere did Jesus tell people to “run out and get married, because that will solve all of society’s issues and the sin problem.”

The Apostle Paul, who was a follower of Jesus, wrote in 1 Corinthians 7 of the New Testament, that it is better to stay single than to marry.

So, quite obviously, Paul (or God, or the Bible) does not adhere to the belief that marriage, family, and having children “give meaning to life.”

(The Bible seems to indicate that following Jesus of Nazareth is what gives meaning to life.)

In an attempt to defend marriage or parenting, never, ever, demean singleness or childlessness – because the Bible does not do so, and it just doesn’t make any sense.

The Bible, particularly under New Testament teachings, does not equate being single or childless, whether that single or childless status comes by choice or by circumstance, with being selfish, wrong, or immoral.

Singleness and childlessness are NOT condemned under Jesus Christ.

Plenty of married people who have children are unhappy. Being married and having kids (Link): did not make them happy or give their lives meaning.

Telling people that being married (or having children) are necessary to be fully adult, mature, or to have meaning in life, is untrue, it’s a slap in the face, and an insult.

And I say this, again, as a conservative – I am not a liberal feminist.

I am not “anti family,” but I am “anti making family into an idol to be worshipped.”

I am against making more of marriage and parenthood than what is realistic.

If a person has friends and siblings, aunts, cousins, and a “church family” (with church family being other believers in Christ to fellowship with), they (Link): have togetherness, marriage is not necessary.

It’s not necessary to be married, go on dates, or have children to have “togetherness” -get out of town with that nonsense.

Again, Stop Promoting Gender Stereotypes that Promote Codependency For Women

Also, what Parker may be missing (I am assuming Parker is a man): 

American girls are heavily socialized to always put themselves last, and they carry that belief into adulthood and feel guilty when and if they ever put themselves first, so they usually do not do so.

For any woman to feel fine putting herself first in her life goes against sexist societal expectations for women, which is not a bad thing.

Only a man (and a number of heavily-indoctrinated complementarian women) would think it’s a bad thing for a woman to talk about putting herself first, because you, a man, did not receive similar cultural conditioning when you were growing up as girls do.

(The complementarian women are brainwashed into believing it and accepting it as being “godly” and “biblical.”)

Not only does secular culture indoctrinate us women to be codependent, but the Christian church does so as well, especially under the doctrine of Gender Complementarianism.

(I am a (Link): former complementarian myself.)

Common, sexist garbage we women are taught from childhood – and men are seldom taught these things, nor are they expected to abide by these qualities – includes but is not limited to the following:
be passive; do not have boundaries; always put other people’s needs and feelings before your own (even if you get hurt sexually, physically, financially, emotionally in the process).

Women and girls are taught that it is selfish for us to have boundaries, to be assertive, to think of what we need and want.

So, we ladies end up attracting abusers or selfish people, and we typically stay in damaging relationships much longer than we should.

Women are expected by culture, church, and men, to sacrifice everything (money, time, physical energy) to keep a relationship going. Are men? No, (Link): they are not.

Boys are not brought up with these same societal gendered expectations and pressures.

Men are taught and encouraged to put themselves first, to go after what they want, and to shoot for their dreams and goals.

Women – especially ones raised in gender complementarian churches – are further taught we are to get married and to act as a “prop” or “side kick” to help a husband meet the husband’s goals.

We women are not encouraged to go after our own dreams and goals.

Churches Ostracize or Marginalize Adult Singles For Being Single

Baptist and Protestant churches are heavily biased in favor of marriage, far more than what the Bible prescribes, to the point, they have turned marriage and parenting into golden calves they worship.

As a result, many Christians and churches either marginalize singles for being single (and childless), or they (Link): shame us for being single.

Christians further teach other un-true garbage, such as “marriage and motherhood is a woman’s highest calling,” though the (Link): Bible says no such thing.

There is nothing wrong with a woman breaking away from the toxic, gendered expectations in her church or culture, that teach her things like she and her dreams are not as worthy as a man’s, so that she should always put herself last, and that she exists only to cater to men, and to what men need and want.

If you wouldn’t want that distorted, harmful teaching being directed at your daughter or sister, why would you approve of it being taught to women and girls generally? It shouldn’t bother you if a liberal secular feminist believes or teaches that sort of thing. 

I am not opposed to dating and romance, but one is never going to find full meaning, contentment, or everlasting, consistent happiness in marriage, dating, romance (or in career, hobbies, money, or fame, for that matter).

Divorce rates in the United States have been pretty high the last few decades, so obviously, there are a lot of people who have not found “meaning” in marriage.

Contrary to Hollywood Romantic Comedy movies, one human can never “complete” another one – if you believe otherwise, (Link): you’re codependent, and that’s not good. You might want to get into some therapy to fix that.

Parker, I really think you have made much too much out of romance, dating, and marriage – and a woman putting herself first is a healthy thing, and it doesn’t always lead to abortion or to a defense thereof.


Related Posts On This Blog:

(Link): The Bible Does Not Teach Christians to “Focus On The Family” – The Idolization of Family by American Christians (article)

(Link): Galentine’s Day – Because Nobody Likes Valentine’s Day Anymore

(Link):  Are Marriage and Family A Woman’s Highest Calling? by Marcia Wolf

(Link): If The Family Is Central, Christ Is Not

(Link):  Do Married Couples Slight Their Family Members as Well as Their Friends? / “Greedy Marriages”

(Link): Is Marriage Overblown? from Jesus Creed Blog

(Link): Learning to See Your Single Neighbor by H. Stallcup

(Link):  Please Stop Shaming Me for Being Single by J. Vadnal

(Link): Stop telling single women they’re fabulous! by S. Eckel

(Link) Have we made an idol of families? by A. Stirrup (copy)

(Link): Is The Church Failing Childless Women? by Diane Paddison

(Link): Lies The Church Tells Single Women (by Sue Bohlin)

(Link): Really, It’s Okay To Be Single – In order to protect marriage, we should be careful not to denigrate singleness – by Peter Chin

(Link):  Are Single People the Lepers of Today’s Church? by Gina Dalfonzo

(Link):  “Who is my mother and who are my brothers?” – one of the most excellent Christian rebuttals I have seen against the Christian idolatry of marriage and natalism, and in support of adult singleness and celibacy – from CBE’s site

(Link):  Adult Singles Do Not Need A Marital Partner to Be Whole or Complete

(Link): Research: Being Single [or Fear of Being Single] is a Meaningful Predictor of Settling for Less in Relationships

(Link): ‘Why Are You Single’ Lists That Do Not Pathologize Singles by Bella DePaulo  

(Link): Do You Rate Your Family Too High? (Christians Who Idolize the Family) (article)

(Link): Church Is a Family, Not an Event by K. Kandiah

(Link): Jesus Christ Removed the Stigma, Shame From Being Single and Childless – by David Instone Brewer

(Link): Article: 30 And Single? It’s Your Own Fault

(Link):  Are Christian Singles The New Second Class Christian? by Duke Taber

(Link):  The Irrelevancy To Single or Childless or Childfree Christian Women of Biblical Gender Complementarian Roles / Biblical Womanhood Teachings

 (Link):  When Adult Virginity and Adult Celibacy Are Viewed As Inconvenient or As Impediments

(Link):  Ever Notice That Christians Don’t Care About or Value Singleness, Unless Jesus Christ’s Singleness and Celibacy is Doubted or Called Into Question by Scholars?

(Link): Christian Double Standard – Pray Earnestly For Anything & Everything – Except Marriage?

(Link):  The Isolating Power of Family-Centered Language

(Link):  No, Christians and Churches Do Not Idolize Virginity or Sexual Purity or Modesty

(Link):  “Because I was single I felt second class.”-by Chandin, former Mars Hill member & single, on Mars Hill church

(Link): Statistics Show Single Adults Now Outnumber Married Adults in the United States (2014)

(Link): Society Has It Wrong: Married People Shouldn’t Get Benefits That Single People do Not by V. Larson

(Link): Singles Advocate DePaulo Responds to Right Wing, Conservative Critics of Singlehood, Who Blame Singles For Breakdown of The Family

(Link): It’s Not Your Imagination, Single Women: There Literally Aren’t Enough Men Out There – Re: Man Shortage – Follow Up Interview 

(Link): Stop Believing God Told You to Marry Your Spouse by G. Thomas

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