Things You Should Say To Your Single 30-Something Friend by S. Silver
After describing at some length a list of phrases and questions that should (Link): no longer be said to single women in 2019, I realize I’ve kind of left us hanging, haven’t I? How rude. I should complete the lecture and offer a list of things you absolutely can and should say to (Link): single women at your leisure and convenience. It’s only fair.
…[Things Single Women Wish They Would Hear from friends]
I could paint this with a broad stroke and say it applies to everything from casual dinner catch-ups to weekend getaways, but really what I’m talking about are gatherings of people who are coupled or have kids.
And I don’t care how angry this makes the commenter who won’t stop going on about my dusty appliances.
I am targeting the fun, buoyant gatherings of families I’m never invited to because I don’t have a family and why would a woman without kids want to attend a “kid” event?
It couldn’t be that a group of people she likes are having fun and she’s not, heavens no.
People in couples invite other people in couples to do stuff. People with kids invite other people with kids to do stuff.
Single people don’t get invited to either kind of stuff. I mention this not out of spite, but out of longing. I have Instagram. I see.
Dinner tables can have odd numbers.
I don’t mind if the diner next to me is wearing a bib and there is no lobster present.
What I mind is feeling like I don’t belong, because I don’t have a partner or a child.
Yes, please continue to make all sorts of plans with your single friends, in groups or otherwise. If you are single, please continue to make plans with your single friends who understand your perspective because they’re living it, too.
But if you are not single, please start inviting your single friends to the events you never do. The events where they never pop into your mind—and know that it’s okay that they didn’t pop into your mind before. We’re all just doing our best out here.
I like the park. I like picnics. I like kid-friendly beer halls where dads wear their children like binoculars.
But more than anything I like you, I like your kids, and I think single people can and should hang with coupled people and their tiny, squirmy people all the time. My friend Anna once invited me to hang out at the local swingset with her and her kid and it was the best invitation I’ve ever received. Be someone’s Anna.
This is a neat one. For all adults, celebrations of awesome stuff that’s happened to us really dwindle after graduation.
If you don’t get engaged, get married, get pregnant, or somehow have a baby, that number is even fewer. And while I don’t think that each of us needs to be constantly celebrated, once in awhile might be nice.
We need not invent stuff to celebrate, I don’t think that’s my point. While it might feel like a personal accomplishment that I made it to Friday without frisbee’ing my laptop out of my apartment window, I don’t think that’s something we should order a cake for. Or is it?
Single adults don’t find themselves at the center of celebrations… kind of ever.
But we find ourselves at the center of other people’s celebrations pretty much always. I certainly don’t want fewer wonderful things to happen to my friends and family, I just often wonder if we mightn’t balance thing out a bit? Otherwise you’ll be able to see the fireworks from my 40th birthday extravaganza from space, just sayin.’
If something good happens to a single you love, be it a promotion, a new apartment, Thursday, anything — congratulate them. Celebrate that person for a moment and make them feel special. There’s literally no downside to it.