I Called Off My Engagement. I Didn’t Feel God’s Peace. by L. Wilbert
I’m not sure I agree completely with this editorial, which I have linked to and excerpted further below. I think it over-spiritualizes things.
When I was engaged, I didn’t feel God’s peace of lack thereof. I had to decide for myself if the guy I was engaged to was right or not. After several years together, I prayed for guidance, because I didn’t know if I should stay or go.
I never did get any guidance from God, not even when I was praying hardest. I ultimately had to make up my own mind.
I really wish that Christians would stop offering this view that if one just trusts God, that God will direct one’s life choices (such as if to marry a certain person or not).
God has never, ever guided me – not when I was engaged, not when I was in my twenties and asking God which college major and career I should pursue. I never felt God’s peace, nor did I feel God saying, “No” to any of those things (and I didn’t feel or hear God saying, “Yes,” either).
I think this article below is just as bad as those articles by Christians who claim God “led them” to their spouse, like the lady who says God sent her a spouse when she went for a walk on the beach (see links about all that at the bottom of this post, under “related”).
Sometimes, the Spirit is going to remain totally silent – the Spirit is not going to give you his blessing or with-hold it.
Looking for the right fit in a spouse is often less important than praying for the Spirit’s blessing.
by L. Wilbert
[The author discusses how she broke off an engagement from one man because she didn’t feel the Holy Spirit’s peace about marrying the guy. She later met and married another guy.]
….But as we look back on our story, we see that somewhere in between the “spark” (which did eventually happen) and the daily work of choice, there was a gentle presence guiding us toward marriage. That presence was the Holy Spirit.
Sadly, his voice often goes unheard in many relationships.
These years later, my husband and I have counseled many couples to break up. Some of them are dating; some are already engaged. As the pastor who married us said nearly every week leading up to our wedding day, “You haven’t said ‘I do,’ until you’ve said ‘I do.’” He was reminding us that marriage is a lifelong commitment to one another, and if there were any hesitations during our engagement, we should pay attention to those hesitations. They could be telling us something.
When we hear of hesitations leading up to marriage, we often think of them as cold feet or fear of commitment. That is certainly the case in some if not many instances. But in other cases, that small check in our spirit is actually the Spirit of God saying, “Wait. Hold on. Pay attention to me. This is not my best for you, or this is not the best time for you.”
And, if you look at some of the links below, you can see that there are some never-married people (or widows who’d like to re-marry) who have prayed to God for years for a spouse, and they are still single, up in their 50s or older.
God doesn’t seem to be listening to or guiding or granting peace to everyone.
(Link): Stop Believing God Told You to Marry Your Spouse by G. Thomas