Pat Robertson’s Downer, Bad Advice to Gabby the Mid-30s, Never Married Lady Who’s Not Having Success with Dating Sites
On February 25, 2020, Christian program “The 700 Club” had Pat Robertson answer a question from a mid-30s woman named Gabby who would like to get married, but to summarize her point, she says most of the men who identify as Christian on dating sites are tawdry, gross, etc.
So, she asks Robertson what to do – which is a big mistake.
I’ve said before on this blog that single adults (especially women) should (Link): stop asking Pat Robertson for relationship advice. Because nine out of ten times, his advice will be impractical, insensitive, and/or sexist.
You can listen to the lady co-host read Gabby’s letter, and listen to Pat Robertson’s advice to her around the 45 minute mark (Link): here (CBN’s site)
(They may eventually upload that Feb. 25, 2020 question to their (Link): “Honest Answers” channel on You Tube, I don’t know.)
From what I recall of the segment when I watched it on TV:
Pat Robertson pushes the “be equally yoked” garbage on Gabby, telling her that no matter how desperate she feels, no matter if she worries about becoming “an old maid,” to NOT marry a Non-Christian.
A bit later, Robertson goes on to tell Gabby that maybe God is keeping her single because God wants her all to himself.
I almost barfed and then threw a rock at my television set when I heard that.
Here is what Gabby’s letter, as read on The 700 Club television show, said:
I am in my mid-thirties, lived a great life of missions and obedience to the Lord, and I am single – never married, no kids.
I have tried online dating, and a lot, if not most of the men on there, say they’re Christians but then they’ll smoke, drink, party and even smoke marijuana or have no interest in living a godly life.
I met one guy who is wonderful, and grew up as a Christian, but doesn’t necessarily have a good relationship with Jesus now.
What is a single girl to do?
Do I just settle and marry someone that at least comes from a Christian background but doesn’t really live out his walk with Christ currently in hopes that one day he will?
Where are all the men who love Jesus and are spirit-filled? I’m starting to lose hope.
— end Gabby’s letter —
I have to say that not all Christian woman are overly-demanding in their mate selection criteria or preferences.
Gabby sounds pretty reasonable to me.
She doesn’t sound unrealistic or overly demanding in what she’s looking for in a single Christian man.
There are, unfortunately, some single Christian men who think too many Christian women are “too picky” and seeking a Super Spiritual Superman who no mortal man can hope to compete with.
And yes, some of the women out there are like that – but by and large, I think there’s a decent percentage of Average Smoe Christian Single Women who would be happy with an Average Smoe Christian Single Man.
(Not all single women want or expect a Christian man to be Jesus Himself.)
The problem is, though, as Gabby and I have experienced, is that a lot of Christian men on dating sites are not even living out the bare minimum of Christian ethics.
I was not expecting or aiming for a Super Godly Christian Man when I was on dating sites. I would’ve been thrilled with ‘Average Christian Dude’ living an Average Christian Dude Life.
I was not looking for a carbon copy of ‘Jesus Christ Perfection.’
Yet, many of the single Christian men I came across on dating sites were profane, vulgar, and gross.
A lot of them had sex jokes and such on their dating profiles, or, early in the “getting to know you” stages of internet dating, they would send me, from the get-go, their list of sexual preferences – which is an inappropriate thing to do, it’s crass, tacky, and disgusting.
So, Christian women such as Gabby, and quasi-Ex-Christian women like me, were not ‘shooting for the moon’ and expecting the impossible.
At any rate, as I stated above, Robertson tells Gabby the old chestnut about not “being unequally yoked,” which is only a guarantee of keeping Gabby single for perpetuity.
He also tells her that maybe God is keeping her single to keep her all to himself.
By my age, I tire of Christians – especially married ones like Robertson – who over-spiritualize singleness.
It’s very easy for a married person, such as Pat Robertson (but he’s by NO MEANS the only Christian married person who I’ve seen do this) who’s been married for decades,
and assuming his marriage is any where from middling to awesome – to lecture never-married adults who’d like to be married to just “bask in the singleness” or (Link): “be single to God’s glory,” and other dismissive, spiritualized tripe.
There’s just something rather insulting and “off” with a Christian telling a single who desires marriage that God is keeping him or her single on purpose, and at that, because God wants him or her all to himself.
I would have no interest in serving such a God, and such a God would be pretty selfish.
I do absolutely acknowledge that the Bible, in 1 Corinthians 7, says it’s better to be single than it is to marry, so that Christians – who tend to over-emphasize marriage to the point of idolatry – need to validate singles in their singleness, rather than either ignoring them or putting them down for being single.
(Also, Christians: stop with treating singleness as though it’s to be pitied, or that it’s flawed, and the only “cure” is marriage.)
While the Bible does respect singleness, Christians – especially married ones – (Link): need to empathize with the single adult who’d like to marry but marriage did not happen, and may never happen.
Don’t write off the adult single’s desire for marriage, or insist wanting to be married is a “form of idolatry” (wanting to be married is (Link): not a form of idolatry).
After telling her all this, Robertson made some kind of comment about if Gabby just keeps living for God, or believing in him for a spouse, that God will eventually send Gabby a spouse.
Pat tells Gabby to make a list of the qualities she’d like in a spouse, to approach God with that list, and sit back and wait for God to deliver.
Well, I’m here to tell you, no, that’s a false promise. You can pray and pray for something, trust God to provide you with whatever it is, and still not receive whatever it is.
(I prayed from childhood into my 40s for God to send me a spouse, and I never got a spouse.)
The harsh reality is that a person can be great, wonderful, be physically attractive, be financially solvent, etc etc, follow all the secular or Christian dating rules – and still end up being single into their 30s and older.
There are NO GUARANTEES about getting married. A person can do all the “right” things and still remain single.
Related Posts (on this blog):
(Link): Desire for Marriage is Idolatry?
(Link): Obnoxious and Sexist Preacher Mark Driscoll Wants Christian Singles to Stay Single Indefinitely – And Even Though Unwanted, Prolonged Singleness has Been a Huge Issue For Christian Singles for A Couple Decades Now – Driscoll: ‘Christians should not marry pro choicers’