Can We Stop Saying Singleness is God’s Will? by Anonymous via Sheila Wray Gregoire
A few weeks ago, Sheila Wray Gregorie, who maintains a Christian martial advice blog, shared (Link): this on twitter.
A woman who runs yet another blog (called (Link): “True Love Dates”) featured a post by a single adult woman who I guess posted under a pen name, or as anonymous.
This single woman explained in her comment that, no, it’s not God’s will for all single women to be single, and for so many Christians to keep mouthing this assumption or repeating it in their sermons, books, or blogs is hurtful and discouraging to some single women who’d like to be married but who have not met the right person.
I too have done several posts over the years attempting to correct some of the wrong, hurtful, or insensitive teachings and attitudes that a lot of Christians have about singleness –
– such as, (Link): God told you to marry your spouse;
or, it’s (Link): God’s will for most to marry;
or that (Link): single adults exist only to serve married couples;
or that (Link): unwanted and protracted singleness is a “gift” God bestows upon some. (There are so many Christian fallacies about singleness.)
Here is the featured content for this post, and I agree that Christians need to stop saying that singleness (especially unwanted protracted singleness) is “God’s will.”
[by Sheila Wray Gregoire]
If you’ve never been married, does that mean that it was always God’s will that you would be single?
I think we talk about that a lot–that people are “called to singleness”, as if God decides before you were born, “Oh, I’m going to make sure that Jennifer doesn’t get married,” or “I’d prefer Stacey never meet the man of her dreams.”
Now, I do believe that God puts on some people’s hearts to be single, and to dedicate their life to a singular purpose to serve Him, in which singleness is necessary.
But I don’t think that’s the majority of people who are single.
I think that’s a misreading of what God’s will means. …
…[Sheila Wray Gregoire quotes Anonymous]
[by Anonymous, who is an unmarried woman]:
….So often we don’t stop to think that maybe the Lord does NOT want us to be alone and is just as heartbroken as we are that we can’t find a godly spouse.
…Single women outnumber single men in churches three to one. God is not willing that anyone should perish, but we know that He doesn’t force people to turn to Him.
If so few single men in the US have chosen Him, there will necessarily be many single Christian women without husbands.
Contrary to what some singles might think, I believe this situation grieves God.
[end comments by Anonymous]
[Resume excerpts of commentary by Wray]
… That [idea or theological teaching, that God chose a specific woman to remain single] can really mess up a person’s view of their relationship with God.
If you look around and most of your friends/family are married, but you are not, what does it do to you to hear that God intended for all of them to marry, but specifically intended that you not?
…. [It remains a fact that there are simply more Christian single women than there are men, especially in church settings]
And that means that there will be more single women.
And I think, just as God mourns that so many choose to reject him, God also mourns that many are single when they don’t want to be.
Can we see it that way? Can we stop telling single women, “God planned for your singleness,” like you were chosen from the very beginning never ever to be married, like you won the most unlucky lottery ever? And can we tell women that God mourns, too, when we are lonely?
You can read the remainder of that post (Link): here
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