Can We Stop Saying Singleness is God’s Will? by Anonymous via Sheila Wray Gregoire

Can We Stop Saying Singleness is God’s Will? by Anonymous via Sheila Wray Gregoire

A few weeks ago, Sheila Wray Gregorie, who maintains a Christian martial advice blog, shared (Link): this on twitter.

A woman who runs yet another blog (called (Link): “True Love Dates”) featured a post by a single adult woman who I guess posted under a pen name, or as anonymous.

This single woman explained in her comment that, no, it’s not God’s will for all single women to be single, and for so many Christians to keep mouthing this assumption or repeating it in their sermons, books, or blogs is hurtful and discouraging to some single women who’d like to be married but who have not met the right person.

I too have done several posts over the years attempting to correct some of the wrong, hurtful, or insensitive teachings and attitudes that a lot of Christians have about singleness –
– such as, (Link): God told you to marry your spouse;
or, it’s (Link): God’s will for most to marry;
or that (Link): single adults exist only to serve married couples;
or that (Link): unwanted and protracted singleness is a “gift” God bestows upon some. (There are so many Christian fallacies about singleness.)

Here is the featured content for this post, and I agree that Christians need to stop saying that singleness (especially unwanted protracted singleness) is “God’s will.”

(Link): Can We Stop Saying Singleness is God’s Will?

Excerpts:

[by Sheila Wray Gregoire]

If you’ve never been married, does that mean that it was always God’s will that you would be single?

I think we talk about that a lot–that people are “called to singleness”, as if God decides before you were born, “Oh, I’m going to make sure that Jennifer doesn’t get married,” or “I’d prefer Stacey never meet the man of her dreams.”

Now, I do believe that God puts on some people’s hearts to be single, and to dedicate their life to a singular purpose to serve Him, in which singleness is necessary.

But I don’t think that’s the majority of people who are single.

I think that’s a misreading of what God’s will means. …

…[Sheila Wray Gregoire quotes Anonymous]
[by Anonymous, who is an unmarried woman]:

….So often we don’t stop to think that maybe the Lord does NOT want us to be alone and is just as heartbroken as we are that we can’t find a godly spouse.

…Single women outnumber single men in churches three to one. God is not willing that anyone should perish, but we know that He doesn’t force people to turn to Him.

If so few single men in the US have chosen Him, there will necessarily be many single Christian women without husbands.

Contrary to what some singles might think, I believe this situation grieves God.
[end comments by Anonymous]

[Resume excerpts of commentary by Wray]

… That [idea or theological teaching, that God chose a specific woman to remain single] can really mess up a person’s view of their relationship with God.

If you look around and most of your friends/family are married, but you are not, what does it do to you to hear that God intended for all of them to marry, but specifically intended that you not?

…. [It remains a fact that there are simply more Christian single women than there are men, especially in church settings]

And that means that there will be more single women.

And I think, just as God mourns that so many choose to reject him, God also mourns that many are single when they don’t want to be.

Can we see it that way? Can we stop telling single women, “God planned for your singleness,” like you were chosen from the very beginning never ever to be married, like you won the most unlucky lottery ever? And can we tell women that God mourns, too, when we are lonely?

You can read the remainder of that post (Link): here


Related Posts (on this blog):

(Link): Christians: Please Stop Telling Singles that Their Singleness is “For God’s Glory” /  Owen Strachan’s “Being Single To Bring God Glory” Essay

(Link): False Christian Teaching: “Only A Few Are Called to Singleness and Celibacy” or (also false): “God’s gifting of singleness is rare”

(Link): Do You Need a Partner to Have a Happy Life? by D. LaBier

(Link): Single Adults – Why They Stay and Why They Stray From Church – Book Excerpts

(Link): Christian Blogger About Divorce, Pastor Andrew Webb, Thinks All To Most Mid-Life Never – Married or Single – Again Adults Are Mal-Adjusted, Ugly Losers Who Have Too Much Baggage

(Link): According to Pastor – Jimmy Evans – It Takes One Man and Woman Married To Equal A Whole – so where does that leave Christian singles?

(Link): Christians Advise Singles To Follow Certain Dating Advice But Then Shame, Criticize, or Punish Singles When That Advice Does Not Work

(Link): Christian Double Standard – Pray Earnestly For Anything & Everything – Except Marriage?

(Link): Codependence Is Not Oneness: What Christians Get Wrong About Relationships

(Link): That Time My Friend Told Me Her Husband Didn’t Want Us Hanging Out Because I’m Not Married 

(Link): Why Are So Many Single Women Leaving the Church? by K. Gaddini

(Link): Husband-Hunting is the Worst Part of a Christian Upbringing – Christianity Made Me Obsessed with Finding a Husband – by B. Ramos

(Link): The Gift of Singleness – A Mistranslation and a Poorly Used Cliche’

(Link): There is No Such Thing as a Gift of Singleness or Gift of Celibacy or A Calling To Either One

(Link): Thirty Year Old Woman Kills Herself Due to Being Single and Childless – Churches contribute to this by either Ignoring adult singles or shaming them for being single and childless

(Link): Stigmas and Stereotypes of Single Unmarried Men Over 25 or 30 Years of Age – They’re Supposedly All Homosexual or Pedophiles

(Link): Theme Park Bans Single Adults For Fear They Are All Pedophiles

(Link): How the Dating Scene Became Stacked Against Women

(Link): Single Adult Christian Pressured Into Marriage by Her Church – And Regrets It

(Link): I’m Not Pining for a Long-Lost Love. I’m Single by Circumstance by S. Reed

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