Christians Who Marry Non-Believers Must Be Ex-Communicated, Says John Piper

Christians Who Marry Non-Believers Must Be Ex-Communicated, Says John Piper 

I have many problems with this view point of sexist John Piper for reasons I will explain below these excerpts, so stay tuned!

Those views will be expressed below the excerpt here:

(Link): Christians Who Marry NonBelievers Must Be ExCommunicated, Says John Piper


December 2020
By Leah MarieAnn Klett

Christians who marry nonbelievers have “compromised” their love for Christ in acting in “open defiance of the teaching of the apostles and of God” and thus must be removed from church membership, according to pastor and author John Piper.

In a recent (Link):  blog post on his popular DesiringGod website, Piper replied to a reader who asked how the church should respond when a Christian knowingly marries an unbeliever.

The pastor first stressed the seriousness of such a situation, explaining that there are multiple “layers of sin” when a professing believer “rejects the counsel of the church elders and marries an unbeliever.”

….“It’s inconceivable to me. I’ve always found that incomprehensible. Something is deeply, deeply wrong with the heart’s affection for Christ. That’s the second layer of sinfulness.”

Finally, Piper said that if a Christian marries a nonbeliever against the advice of church leaders, then the marriage is “a spurning of the authority of the elders, which God gave to protect the sheep from sin.”

…“Many people do not take the Bible seriously,” he posited. “They are baffled and angry by churches who take the Bible as seriously as I’m saying. Many professing Christians today would regard such excommunication as more hurtful than helpful. They call it intolerant; they even call it hateful. But that’s because they elevate their own wisdom above God’s wisdom.”

Piper clarified that once the marriage is entered into, it should not be broken or nullified. However, a “heart change” on the part of the Christian is necessary for true repentance. 

…A 2015 (Link): Pew Research Center survey found that almost four in 10 Americans (39%) who had married since 2010 had a spouse who was in a different religious group.

Pew found that many of those interfaith marriages were between Christians and the religiously unaffiliated: Of all U.S. adults married since 2010, almost one in five (18%) were in marriages between a Christian and a religiously unaffiliated spouse. 

Kathy Keller, the wife of prominent New York pastor Tim Keller, (Link): previously revealed that over the course of the couple’s ministry, the “most common pastoral issue” she and her husband have confronted is marriages between Christians and non-Christians.  

Among other issues, she warned that in an unequal marriage, either the Christian will have to push Christ to the margins of his or her life, or the nonbelieving partner will have to be marginalized.
—- end excerpts—-

I don’t have anything new to add on this, nothing I’ve not said on this blog for years now.

Note that this advice is coming from people who have been married for decades. That is my first annoyance.

It’s quite easy for those Christians who have been married for decades to smugly lecture the singles who’d like to marry that they can ONLY marry a certain type of person. 

I’m in my late 40s, have never married, though I had wanted to be married. I used to be a devout Christian.

I prayed, trusted in God for a spouse, lived a clean lifestyle, attended church, tried dating sites (including a “Christian” one at one point), and did all the things Christians say one is supposed to do and God will surely send you a spouse… yet I never married. God never did send me a spouse. 

I probably could’ve been married years ago, if not for the fact I was following the sort of moronic and unbiblical advice by the John Pipers and Kathy Kellers of the world, in that I refused to pursue (romantic) relationships with Non-Christian men I was ‘fixed up with’ for blind dates and the like.

(I no longer believe the Bible commands believers to not marry unbelievers, what some in Christendom refer to as the “be equally yoked” rule).

Here is what I’ve been saying on this blog for years:

There is a “numbers problem” in conservative religious groups, Christians included, in which there are more single women than there are single men. (See for example (Link): this link or (Link): this link)

For the John Pipers and others out there to keep shaming, scaring, or pressuring single Christian women to ONLY marry other Christians is to virtually ensure those women to a state of life-long singleness.

Then guys like this, these singles-shaming Christian men who are married, such as Piper, turn around and shame older women, who tried to marry but were unable to find a partner, for never having married and for not having had children. (See examples (Link): here, (Link): here)

All their posts, pod casts, sermons, and books are marriage focused, they only revere and honor married mothers – one never hears the John Pipers and etc extolling the wonders, virtues, and wonderfulness of never married and childless or childfree women.

Women such as myself (never married, childless) are regularly shamed or insulted by Christians (example (Link): here and example and again (Link): here).

Secondly, John Piper once coached Christian women who are married to abusive Christian men – even men who physically beat them – to stay in those marriages (Link): “for a season.” 

As I’ve written before, I would never, ever take (Link): any kind of relationship advice, whether it’s dating advice or marital advice, from anyone who actually advises women to stay in abusive relationships.

One of John Piper’s sons (Link): divorced around 2017. So… it’s pretty rich of him to advise other people on when or whom to marry or not marry or divorce or not.

As I’ve pointed out before… if you’re a single Christian adult who’d like to marry, especially if you are a woman, you need to consider a man’s character and how he treats you, which will be more a trusted barometer of how he will treat you in marriage than if he professes Jesus as savior or not.

I have a (Link): long running list on this blog of married Christian men who were arrested for abusing their wives, for molesting children, and for doing other horrible things.

You are better off being married to a kind, considerate, responsible atheist man than to a Jesus-professing, regular church-going man who is going to physically, sexually, financially, or verbally abuse you.

I wouldn’t say that I’ve rejected Jesus as my savior, but I no longer really consider myself to be a Christian anymore, in a sense…. I stopped caring years ago about church, God’s glory, or about the opinions of other Christians on many a topic.

And make no mistake: John Piper’s views about if a Christian should marry a non-believer or not are based on his personal understanding of the Bible, which may or may not be tainted and incorrect.

John Piper’s interpretation of the Bible or any verse or passage there-in is not the Bible – but that is not how he presented it in those excerpts above.

John Piper’s interpretation of the Bible is not “God’s wisdom.”

There are and have been plenty of Christian women who married Christian men, but their Christian husband ended up being so abusive, that after years and years (maybe decades) of marriage that those women ended up divorcing their husbands.

There is absolutely no guarantee that a marriage to a self professing Christian man, not even one that works as a preacher, will be any more loving, kind, ethical or responsible than a Non-Christian man.

Look at the who’s who of Christianity as of late -these famous Christian men who worked as pastors or as Christian apologists were guilty of really crass, disgusting, repeated sexual sin:

(Link): Preacher Tullian Tchividjian Possibly Involved in Another Inappropriate Sexual Relationship (March 2016) 

(Link): Hillsong’s Carl Lentz, Megachurch Pastor Who Ministered Justin Bieber, Fired and Admits Cheating on Wife

(Link): Allegations Mount in 2017 Deceased Christian Apologist Ravi Zacharias Illicit Online Relationship Scandal – He May Have Been Sexually Harassing Women Staff at a Spa He Owned

(Link):  Accusations That Jerry Falwell Jr. and His Wife Becki Are Kinky Perverts Who Sexually Abused College Aged Men

See, look at that brief list above: all those Christian women who were “equally yoked” to Christian men: Christian men who turned out to be great big smarmy, adultery-committing dirt-bags.

The end result is, if you are a Christian single, and you keep following Christian advice by the likes of the John Pipers and other “be equally yoked” pushers, you will more than likely end up perpetually single, with only (Link): “Jesus as your boyfriend.” I don’t know about you, but I cannot cuddle up with Jesus while watching Net Flix, nor would I want to.

You’re not going to get your earthly needs met if you keep denying yourself, crossing your fingers, and hoping God will grant your petition and send you a “Christian Mr. Right.” I know I lived that way for years and have bup-kiss to show for it. I am still single after all this time.

If you want to get married single Christian woman, you will have to put effort into it – you will have to go out, live life, maybe try dating sites, ask friends to set you up (as long as the man is decent, it doesn’t matter if he’s a Christian or not). 

Going to church every week (where there are no single men ages 25 to 55) and expecting Mr. Right to stroll in one day is a waste of your time. 

At some point, you have to face reality – you can turn your nose up at all the Non-Christian men you meet over your life, but God isn’t going to send you your Mr. Christian Right to marry. The sooner you accept this reality and get off your ass, you can increase your odds of getting married (I said increase, not guarantee).

But you’re sure as hey not going to get married if you follow the John Piper type of advice.

And Christian sexist jackasses like Piper are not interested in helping you to get married. They will lecture you to “just trust in the Lord” for a spouse – but they won’t actually hold mixer events for single adults at their church, or try to fix you up with eligible single men they know.

The “be- equally- yoked”- rule- worshippers want to lecture you about when or who to marry, but they don’t actually want to lift the weight of the yoke from your shoulders and actually help you to get married.

You’re going to have to make up your mind for you on what you want to do, and not rely on the faulty interpretations of the Bible (Link): by other Christians.

John Piper isn’t going to help you get married. Listening to John Piper and taking his advice is not going to land you a Christian spouse, if that is your goal.

Many Christians have unfortunately turned marriage (and parenthood) into an idol, and they bemoan and lament that more singles are not marrying – but then they do things at odds with their supposed desire of seeing more singles get married, such as, they keep offering up the same old stale advice that is keeping singles single, for the single adults who bother to take that shoddy advice.

Edit, via Relevant:

(Link):  John Piper Now Says Churches Should Kick Out Members Who Marry Non-Christians

Related Posts:

(Link): To the Christians (especially married ones) Who Like to Instruct Single Christian Adults They Should Only Marry Other Christians, Listen Up (Re: Equally Yoked Rule)

(Link):  The One Thing Evangelical Leaders Don’t Want Christians to Know about Mixed-Faith Marriages (two links). by C. Cassidy

(Link): The Creepy, Sad, and Weird Love Life of Actor Tom Cruise – (Cruise’s Dating Life is Applicable to the Christian “Be Equally Yoked” Rule Re: Marriage / Dating)

(Link):  I’m a Christian Married to an Atheist — Here’s How We Make It Work by S. Allen

(Link):  Pastor Greg Laurie’s Promotion of Equally Yoked Rule in Regards to Marriage Plays Role in Why So Many Christian Women Remain Single Over a Life Time

(Link):  Abusers Hide In Churches – Equally Yoked Does Not Help Single Christian Women Who’d Like to Marry

(Link): Thoughts Regarding ‘Crisis in the Christian Church: A Lack of Young, Single Men’ Essay by S. Green

(Link):  Can We Stop Saying Singleness is God’s Will? by Anonymous via Sheila Wray Gregoire

(Link):  The Obese, Overly Hairy ‘Erotic Eater’ Guy Should Be The Final Nail in the Coffin of Sexist Complementarian Teachings that Looks Matter Only To Men & That Women Are Oblivious To, or Don’t Care About, What Men Look Like

(Link):  Supporting Singles and How Churches Can Help Singles Get Married – Lessons from Match-Making by B. Lea

(Link): Critique of Matt Chandler Sermon ‘Compromising a Godly Spouse Just to Get Married Yields ‘Heartbreak”

(Link):  Dear Abby: Friends Push Overweight Woman To Date But Offer No Help

(Link): What Christians Really Think About the Church’s Relationship Advice by Anna Broadway

(Link): Conservatives Have Now Abandoned All Pretense of Advocating For Sexual Abstinence and They Actually Lament the Lack of Fornication – The Bradford Wilcox Piece, 2019

(Link): Christians: Please Stop Telling Singles that Their Singleness is “For God’s Glory” /  Owen Strachan’s “Being Single To Bring God Glory” Essay

(Link): Christian Husband Raped, Beat His Wife, Made Her Sign “Slave Contract” – Why Christian Single Women Should Not Date or Marry Christian Men

(Link):  How the Dating Scene Became Stacked Against Women

(Link):  Getting Married Is Not an Accomplishment by N. Brooke

(Link):   Single Adult Christian Pressured Into Marriage by Her Church – And Regrets It

(Link):  Old Married Christian White Guy Who Teaches Married Women to Put Up With Abuse Has Audacity to Teach Marriage-Desiring Adults How to Handle Their Single Status

(Link): Cathy The Single Woman Asks Pat Robertson Why God Has Not Replied to Her Prayers for Years to Send Her a Spouse

(Link): Consider The Source: Christians Who Give Singles Dating Advice Also Regularly Coach Wives to Stay in Abusive Marriages

(Link): Christians Advise Singles To Follow Certain Dating Advice But Then Shame, Criticize, or Punish Singles When That Advice Does Not Work

(Link): Horrible Sexist Blog Post from John Piper’s Desiring God Site: ‘Husbands Get Her Ready for Jesus’

(Link): Stop Believing God Told You to Marry Your Spouse by G. Thomas

(Link):  Never-Married Adult Man Named Stephen Asks Christian Host Why God Has Not Answered His 3-Decades Long Prayers To Send Him A Wife

(Link): No Surprise There: Bradford Wilcox Deems Married People Better Off During Pandemic Than Single Adults – Rebuttals

(Link): “I’m Not Attracted to My Husband Anymore” – Christian advice column. I guess Christian married sex isn’t all it’s said to be by Christians

(Link): Following the Usual Advice Won’t Get You Dates or Married – Even Celebrities Have A Hard Time

(Link):  ‘She Was A Sex Slave’: Wife of Preacher Reveals Horrific Torture At Hands Of Her Husband by L. Little

(Link): The Nauseating Push by Evangelicals for Early Marriage

(Link): A Case Against Early Marriage by Ashley Moore (editorial)

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