Debunking Eros: Why Romantic Love Isn’t the Only Love Worth Having by Mimi Haddard
This raises several points I’ve been pointing out here on this blog for years:
(Link): Debunking Eros: Why Romantic Love Isn’t the Only Love Worth Having
by Mimi Haddard
June 4, 2019
Recently, my graduate students discussed how US culture sometimes idolizes sex. Citing a friend, one said, “the orgasm has replaced the cross as the place of transcendence in 21st century American culture.”
A recent study suggested that, though casual sex is more accepted than ever, loneliness is too.
Twenty-seven percent of Americans feel isolated, but loneliness is far worse among eighteen to twenty-two year-olds, followed by Millennials. The least lonely were Americans aged seventy-two and older—those having fewer sexual encounters.
Western culture often celebrates eros (romantic or sexual love) exclusively, but Scripture speaks of four distinct types of love: storge (love for those who are familiar, such as family, neighbors, coworkers, etc.), agape (God’s love), philia (love between kindred spirits), and eros.
….But just as culture elevates eros as the highest love and ignores philia, so does the church. As egalitarians, this narrow concept of love should greatly concern us, because eros feeds, in part, the church’s obsession with gender roles.
When eros love is treasured above any other kind of love, romantic relationships between men and women become our primary focus and we overlook the importance of philia.
Philia is about sharing vision and ideas, learning from one another, and discovering God’s purpose for our lives. This is the kind of love that fuels mutual submission and equal dignity in men and women. It also builds healthy professional relationships between men and women.
Gender roles separate men and women, limiting their opportunities for philia as colleagues and co-leaders and the deep joy we all derive from love that is not romantic.
Tragically, gender essentialism obscures the fullest purposes of women, because they are not free to discover and fan into flame the gifts God has given them.
Rather, men are given leadership roles and women are called only to “roles” of submission/support. The impact of gender roles, in the workplace or romantic relationships, is that women must be demure and submit, whereas men must be aggressive and bold.
In both cases, we limit our potential for philia—equal and passionate exchanges of ideas between men and women.
Read the remainder of that (Link): here.
(Link): Topics: Friendship is Possible / Sexualization By Culture Of All Relationships
(Link): What’s Wrong With PreMarital Sex, Cohabitation and Watching Porn? Apologist Sean McDowell Answers – Critique: Some Christians Marketing Sexual Abstinence as “Purity in Jesus”
(Link): Christian Patriarchalists and Gender Complementarians Sexualizing the Trinity and Insisting Sexual Activity is Necessary to Fully Know God (via Under Much Grace blog)
(Link): Benjamin Perry, Bi-Sexual Minister, Suggests that Jesus Is Bi-Sexual and Jesus Having Homo Sexual Relations with His Disciples Would Be Okay
(Link): The Death of Romance (How Christians Have Made Romantic Relationships and Marriage Into Idols) from CT
(Link): Sex Regarded as Passage Into Adulthood
(Link): Paul, Singleness, And Mutuality: Three Proposals for The Church (from Junia Project)
(Link): The Sexualization of God and Jesus
(Link): Dudes, Stop Putting Women in the Girl-friend-zone
(Link): Hey Ed Stetzer: Opposite Gender Friendships Are Not Sinful – Ed Stetzer’s Advice: “Avoid Any Hint” – More Like: Re Enforce UnBiblical Stereotypes About Men, Women, Sex, and Singles
(Link): Hollywood Movies: Affirming that Friendship or Platonic Love is Just As Good As Marriage
(Link): Reclaiming Stolen Friendships – a blog post criticizing the Sexist, Anti – Singles Christian Billy Graham Rule
(Link): Deep Friendships and Other Asexual Connections Can Feel Romantic, Even Without The Sex. Here’s Why. by Ritch C Savin-Williams Ph.D.
(Link): People Who Get Divorced Are More Likely To Die Early Than Those … Who Never Got Married In the First Place, Study Shows
(Link): Lies The Church Tells Single Women (by Sue Bohlin)
(Link): Do Married Couples Slight Their Family Members as Well as Their Friends? / “Greedy Marriages”
(Link): The Nuclear Family Was A Mistake – by David Brooks – and Related Links
(Link): Learning to See Your Single Neighbor by H. Stallcup
(Link): Focus on the Family Members Practice Infidelity or Homosexuality and Get Divorced and Remarry – links to exposes
(Link): Study: Couples Without Children Have Happier Marriages / Study: Having Kids Ruins Your Life
(Link): Marriage-Pushing Zealot Wilcox Suggests that Being Single is Immoral: National Review Article
(Link): Consider The Source: Christians Who Give Singles Dating Advice Also Regularly Coach Wives to Stay in Abusive Marriages
(Link): Ed Stetzer’s Marriage Article on Christianity Today and C. Allen’ s Response
(Link): Getting Married Is Not an Accomplishment by N. Brooke’
(Link): Do You Need a Partner to Have a Happy Life? by D. LaBier
(Link): Ever Notice That Christians Don’t Care About or Value Singleness, Unless Jesus Christ’s Singleness and Celibacy is Doubted or Called Into Question by Scholars?
(Link): Statistics Show Single Adults Now Outnumber Married Adults in the United States
(Link): What If Marriage Is Overrated? – A social psychologist has been chipping away at many claims about marriage changing one’s life for the better
(Link): Salvation By Marriage Alone – The Over Emphasis Upon Marriage (and “family”) by Conservative Christians Evangelicals Southern Baptists
(Link): Single Workers Aren’t There to Pick Up the Slack For Their Married Bosses and Colleagues
(Link): Article by J. Watts: The Scandal of Singleness
(Link): ‘Why Are You Single’ Lists That Do Not Pathologize Singles by Bella DePaulo
(Link): I Married Young. I Was Widowed Young. I Never Want A Long-Term Partner Again by R. Woolf
(Link): Husband Dies of Covid-19 Only 48 Hours After Wife Gives Birth to Premature Baby
(Link): I’m 45, Single And Childless. No, There’s Nothing ‘Wrong’ With Me. by M Notkin
(Link): Want To But Can’t – The One Christian Demographic Being Continually Ignored by Christians Re: Marriage
(Link): Are Single People the Lepers of Today’s Church? by Gina Dalfonzo
(Link): Please Stop Shaming Me for Being Single by J. Vadnal
(Link): Typical Incorrect Conservative Christian Assumption: If you want marriage bad enough, Mr. Right will magically appear
(Link): Otherhood – An overlooked demographic – the Childless and Childfree Women and Singles Especially Women Who Had Hoped to Marry and Have Kids But Never Met Mr. Right (links)
(Link): Are Marriage and Family A Woman’s Highest Calling? by Marcia Wolf – and other links that address the Christian fallacy that a woman’s most godly or only proper role is as wife and mother
(Link): How Christians Have Failed on Teaching Maturity and Morality Vis A Vis Marriage / Parenthood – Used as Markers of Maturity Or Assumed to be Sanctifiers
(Link): Following the Usual Advice Won’t Get You Dates or Married – Even Celebrities Have A Hard Time
(Link): Depressing Testimony: “I Was A Stripper but Jesus Sent Me A Great Christian Husband”
(Link): Preacher: ‘They Will Know We Are Christians By Our Hot SEX Lives’ – and once more, never-married celibate adults and their experiences, wisdom, and input are ignored
(Link): How Christian Teachings on Marriage/ Singleness/ Gender Roles/ Dating Are Keeping Christian Singles Single
(Link): Christians Advise Singles To Follow Certain Dating Advice But Then Shame, Criticize, or Punish Singles When That Advice Does Not Work