Twice-Divorced Lady Suggests That God Told Her He’d Send Her Husband Number Three and She Got Married a Third Time – I Actually Don’t Find This Story Uplifting
The woman who wrote this story for this publication (link is way, way below – she talks about having been twice divorced and was depending on God to send her spouse number three), seems like a genuinely wonderful person, and I am truly sorry she had a broken heart or two.
I am happy for her that her third marriage is working.
However… I stopped finding stories like this uplifting or inspirational years ago. I think they are untrue for most people. I think they’re misleading and give a sense of false hope to singles who’d like to marry.
Here is a link to the woman’s story, with a few excerpts, then I’ll say a few more words under it:
After two failed marriages, this mother of two decided to have faith that He would bring her the right partner.
[She opens her story by saying she was crying in her bathroom]
I held up my bare finger, the one that had once boasted a gorgeous diamond ring. Divorced. For the second time. I was a woman of accomplishment, a school principal. Mother to two beautiful girls. Yet I was a magnet for men who were not what they seemed. Why couldn’t I get marriage right?
[She goes through how she met her first two husbands, and how and why they divorced.]
…I stared in the bathroom mirror at my tear-stained reflection and shook my head. It was obvious I couldn’t trust my own instincts. “God, what should I do?” I said. “Write it in crayon for me.” I needed the answer spelled out so clearly that a first grader would understand it.
[She eventually, in crayon, made a list of the qualities she was looking for in a spouse.]
…Nearly three years went by. One day, on a lark, I created a profile on a Christian dating site. A few days later, I saw a message from a man named Tony in my in-box: “Hi. Would love to chat!” He was handsome. Career military. Divorced, with children. Interesting, but I wasn’t going to leap into anything.
[She talks about dating this man, and they hit it off.]
“God, is he the one?” I prayed. “Help me to be sure.”
[She then goes on to explain how two women at church approached her, they claimed God spoke to them, and they conveyed to her that God told them to tell her that this guy she was dating was “the one,” or that God would shortly send her the right guy. She later got married to this guy.]
…It was only after Tony asked me to marry him, four months later, that I shared this experience with him. By then he had shown he possessed every quality on my list and then some.
— end —-
I don’t know why, if there is a God, why He would send this twice-divorced lady a third husband, but I’ve arrived to middle age with never having been married at all, even though I prayed for a spouse since I was a pre-teen.
Christians told me back then, and as I got older, as long as I prayed, trusted God, and so on and so forth, that God would send me the right match.
Well, I did everything Christians said I should do if I wanted to be married. I prayed, had faith, trusted God, lived a clean lifestyle, I even tried dating sites in my 30s, I went to churches in my area – and nothing came of it.
As I was growing up, every so often, I would hear or read similar stories (in Christian magazines or on blogs) similar to the one I am linking you to here.
Again, truly, I am happy for her, that she is happily married to her third spouse – I am not being sarcastic here.
But I find these types of “I prayed, trusted God, and God sent me a spouse” stories so depressing.
I was a devout Christian for years, I too prayed and trusted in God (I also didn’t sleep around, I lived a clean life style), and I’m still single in my 50s! I’m in my 50s now. Good lord.
I cannot comprehend why people who are divorced once or more get granted a spouse by God, but me, (and people like me), who’s never been married once, get nothing.
I also am mystified by those real-life testimonies Christian women give on Christian shows (I’ve seen several here and there going back decades), where these women say that despite growing up Christian and knowing that porn, strip clubs, X-rated movies and premarital sex were all sins, they went ahead and worked in strip clubs, fornicated, or worked in X-rated movies
– and later, when they repented and returned to God, they say that is when God sent them a spouse.
And they say the spouse “God sent them” was a winner, the guy has a steady career, a good paycheck, the guy’s not bad looking, decent, etc.
And I sit there and don’t understand why women who’ve been married 65 times, or women who’ve worked in strip clubs or as prostitutes (!!!!) get one or more husbands, and meanwhile, me, who hasn’t been married even ONCE, and in spite of living a clean life, I got zero husbands. Zero.
I’m not alone. I’ve seen other Christian singles write into Christian shows who say they’re age 35, 45, 55, or older, and they ask the Christian host why hasn’t God sent them a spouse (see links below to examples)?
And the Christian host insults them or just says, “I dunno!”
When I was in my mid to late 30s, when I asked Christians about this, I wanted to know, why is it, that though I’ve lived a clean lifestyle and prayed and followed all the usual Christian advice, am I still single, and I got very insensitive, judgmental advice or comments.
I’ve more or less made peace with my own single status. I’ve learned to accept it as I’ve grown older.
But I still don’t like this Christian habit of publishing these “God sent me my spouse!” stories.
Congratulations on that woman who wrote that article who is on husband number three – I am glad for her – but I actually wish Christians would stop sharing those stories or advertising them in magazines, on shows, on blogs.
Because these types of stories are not inspirational to those of us who never married, who had wanted to be, who find ourselves in our late 30s or older, and who may still be struggling with the sadness, frustration, or bewilderment that we’re still single – such testimonies are painful, frustrating reminders.
Another layer of disillusionment in this is that for whatever reason, God is favoring some and not others.
There are plenty of others who prayed and waited for years for a spouse, yet remain single, but people who’ve been divorced prayed and God sent them a second or third spouse, or some adults spent years sleeping around, or even working in the porn industry, and they got spouses.
There is just something very, very off with Christian teachings and beliefs about marriage, who gets it, how, and why.
(Link): Stop Believing God Told You to Marry Your Spouse by G. Thomas
(Link): Critique of Federalist Editorial “There Is One Pro-Women Camp In American Politics, And It’s The Right by Elle Reynolds” – Do Federalist Magazine Members Realize There Are Single, Childless Conservative Women?
(Link): What Two Religions Tell Us About the Modern Dating Crisis (from TIME) (ie, Why Are Conservative Religious Women Not Marrying Even Though They Want to Be Married. Hint: It’s a Demographics Issue)