Her Married Boyfriend of Five Years Won’t Divorce His Ex Unless She Pays For It
This lady says she’s been dating a married guy for five years, he won’t divorce his ex wife unless she pays for it, so she writes in to an advice columnist to ask if it’s okay for her to be angry about the situation.
This is wrong on like 54 different levels.
How about not dating someone who is still legally married?
How about ceasing and desisting with the codependency, getting a spine, some self esteem, and realizing you should not be a doormat to this putz any longer, and dumping him pronto? Why are you writing to an advice columnist to figure out what to do, you’re an adult.
Did being married make the guy described in this letter a more responsible, ethical, loving person? No, no it did not. So the Christian Al Mohlers and conservative marriage-pushers (like Brad Wilcox) can stop promoting that view about marriage.
Some people have dating criteria that is too strict; the woman who wrote this letter appears to have next to none!
Is “this relationship worth saving?” Lady, you never had a relationship to start with.
by Morgan Absher
Dec 6, 2021
“I am a 39-year-old female and my boyfriend is a 33-year-old male.
We have been together for five years.
There are a few things I can’t handle and have voiced my opinion on, but I get called crazy or just get ignored. Communication for us has been minimal for the past two years or so.
He is still married to his ex. While he has promised a divorce, he refuses to get one now unless I pay for it.
He and I are intimate three times a month and only when he wants to. He doesn’t compliment or acknowledge any of my social media posts or things I send directly to him (like racy pictures).
What has recently made me upset and is my last straw, is that he decided he wanted to take time off for his birthday. I am not mad that he wants to go and do something alone for his birthday.
I’m more upset that he didn’t ask if I was doing anything for him, which I always do, and didn’t ask if I wanted to go.
I’m mad that he can take time off for his own birthday, but can’t take off for my birthday or our anniversary.
The past two years he has done nothing for both my birthday or anniversary.
Am I wrong for being mad?”
You’re not wrong for being mad, but my real question is why are you staying with a partner that isn’t meeting any of your basic relationship needs?
There’s a popular saying, “If he wants to, he will.”
Your boyfriend doesn’t even seem to be trying. The fact that he isn’t actively pursuing his divorce himself is a pretty big red flag for me. Why is he comfortable being married to his ex?
…How can you have a partnership with someone who refuses to acknowledge or even talk to you? Your boyfriend is also failing in meeting your basic need for connection – whether this is by a lack of intimacy, ignoring your spicy pictures or even making plans on his birthday that don’t involve or acknowledge you.
…You shouldn’t have to demand or beg someone to pay attention to you, spend time with you or be in a relationship with you. You deserve to feel supported, communicated with and loved in your relationship.
(Link): The Selfish, Lazy Husband Who Kept Blowing Off His Stressed Wife to Go on World War 2 Reenactments – Male Entitlement in Relationships: Why Women Divorce Men – and Churches and Culture Support This Male Entitlement