Authors at The Federalist Keep Bashing Singleness in the Service of Promoting Marriage – Which Is Not Okay
In the last two months, I’ve seen two different editorials from conservative site The Federalist in support of marriage (or parenthood).
I’m a conservative. I am not in opposition to marriage or people choosing to have children.
My issue with other conservatives is that they are so paranoid of liberals and assume all liberals are anti-marriage and anti-parenthood to the degree that they leave no room for nuance, meaning, that unfortunately, many pro-marriage and pro-parenthood conservatives end up “trash talking” singleness and the state of being childless (or being childfree).
I’m a conservative woman who has never married, and I’ve never had children, yet I do not hate marriage or married people having children, and I am so tired of these conservative authors or pundits feeling it necessary to put down single or childless adults like myself in their quest to defend marriage and natalism – conservative single adults like myself get caught in the cross-fire.
If you are a conservative who believes too many liberals are anti-marriage or anti-parenthood, and you want to speak out in favor of either station, that’s fine with me, but as a single, childless, conservative woman, I do get very hacked off and offended to read these conservative articles and editorials whose authors assume that any and all single and childless (or childfree) adults are awful, selfish, anti-family, weird, under-developed, or jerks.
Not every one in the United States today who is single past the age of 30, or who is childless or is childfree, is a feminist, a liberal, a progressive, pro-abortion, Democrat, or anti-family.
So, to my fellow conservatives, stop assuming that all single adults who remain single by choice OR by circumstance, or who are childless or childfree, are terrible, selfish, or are baby-hating progressives.
There is ZERO NEED to defend or promote marriage by talking in a derogatory manner about singleness or the state of being childless or childfree.
Make your case in favor of marriage or natalism without resorting to insulting all single adults, or assuming and making the false case that all single adults hate marriage, hate babies, or vote Democrat.
Here is the first of two recent pro-marriage or pro-natalism editorials at conservative site The Federalist that manage to work in insults and slams against single adults or singleness itself – which is totally shameful and unnecessary!
(Link): Joy Behar Accidentally Admits Social Conservatives Were Right About Sex
Pertinent Excerpts:
BY: NATHANAEL BLAKE
December 10, 2021
… In particular, large numbers of unattached men are bad for society; having a family encourages men to be productive and protective, rather than idle drones or predators.
— end excerpts —
I mean, really? It’s not necessary or fair to refer to or describe men who remain single as being “idle drones or predators.”
I have a long-running list of news headlines at my blog (in this post) of married men (some who even work as church pastors) who were arrested for wife abuse, making child porn, or raping children.
Serial killer John Wayne Gacy was married to a woman, had two biological children by her, but he went on to rape and murder over two dozen young men. Did marriage and fatherhood make Gacy more “loving” and “giving?” No, no it did not.
Marriage does not stop a man from being “a predator.”
For those of you who are Christians, you do understand that Jesus of Nazareth never married and never had children, Jesus did not command anyone to marry, and he actually taught that spiritual family was just as (if not more) important than any spouse or children you may have, right (e.g., see Matthew 12: 46-50, Matthew 10:37)?
You’re also aware that the New Testament states that it is better to remain single than to marry, and that single adults are better able to serve God because their attention is not as divided as that of a married person, right (see 1 Corinthians 7)?
And, if you’re a Christian, I hope you further realize that God does not “call anyone to singleness” (or to marriage), and (Link): a supposed “calling to singleness” is not rare – especially not (Link): these days.
So it makes no sense, biblically, for conservative sites (many of whom are sympathetic to Judeo-Christian values, or who employ Christian writers) to make a case that marriage and natalism are somehow superior to being single and childless or childfree.
Here’s the other singles-bashing editorial from The Federalist, dated December 2, 2021, written by a Tim Goeglein:
(Link): Study Finds Single Americans Want To Get Married But Don’t Like Their Prospects
Pertinent Excerpts:
Finally, marriage is a stabilizing force for men, women, and children. As the survey points found, the number one trait people look for in a spouse is responsibility.
When two people get married, their focus, hopefully, becomes on one another and the children they produce, rather than on themselves. Self-gratification fades away as one sees beyond their wants and instead concentrates on the needs of others.
— end excerpts —
This view that marriage (or parenthood) makes everyone (or even most who marry) more giving and less selfish is false.
See studies on “Greedy Marriages.” I’ve done a post or two about those studies on my blog:
(Link): Do Married Couples Slight Their Family Members as Well as Their Friends? / “Greedy Marriages”
(Link): Why We Thought Marriage Made Us Healthier, and Why We Were Wrong by Bella DePaulo
I also have anecdotes on this blog with links to letters or blog posts by married people (usually women married to men) who write about how deeply selfish their spouses are.
(Here’s but (Link): one example on my blog, (Link): here is another, and you can view additional examples by clicking on links below under the “Related Posts on This Blog” section.)
I’m a conservative, I am not against marriage or people choosing to have children, but, as a never-married, childless, middle-aged adult, I abhor and despise how so many other conservatives think it necessary to insult singleness, single adults, or the state of being childless to promote or defend marriage and having kids.
These pro-marriage, pro-parenthood conservatives need to knock this off… not everyone out there who is single past the age of 30, who is single by choice or by circumstance, is a far left, man-hating, baby-hating, Democrat- voting dolt.
You conservatives who keep pumping out these editorials defending marriage or natalism by way of denigrating singleness or childless people are engaging in some friendly fire.
It’s not just some liberals, progressives, or Democrats who are single past the age of 25, there’s a lot of us conservatives out there who are as well. Stop assuming each and every single adult is single because they hate marriage, vote Democrat, are selfish, or hate men, marriage, and the “nuclear family,” because this is just not true.
You don’t have to defend marriage by insulting single adults or singleness. You don’t have to defend the pro-life position or natalism by insulting childless or childfree people. Knock it off. And stop lumping all of us single, childless adults (who are conservatives!) in with progressives and Democrats.
Related Posts on This Blog:
(Link): Really, It’s Okay To Be Single – In order to protect marriage, we should be careful not to denigrate singleness – by Peter Chin
(Link): American Romance Standards Are Changing as People Have Less Sex and Marriage Rates Drop
(Link): Four in 10 Adults Between the Ages of 25 and 54 are Single, Up From 29% in 1990
(Link): The Media Should Stop Ignoring When Sexual Misconduct Perpetrators Are Married
(Link): Single Workers Aren’t There to Pick Up the Slack For Their Married Bosses and Colleagues
(Link): Fewer Americans Think Marriage is Needed To Create Strong Families, New Poll Suggest
(Link): Marriage Does Not Make People More Godly, Mature, or Sexually Ethical
(Link): Article About Doctor Pedophile from WSJ Mentions His Unmarried Status – Why?
(Link): Please Stop Shaming Me for Being Single by J. Vadnal
(Link): Singlism: How Serious Is It, Really? by B. DePaulo
(Link): Society Has It Wrong: Married People Shouldn’t Get Benefits That Single People do Not by V. Larson
(Link): Myths About Never Married Adults Over Age 40
(Link): Dear Prudence: Help! I’m Glad My Awful Husband Is Dead.
(Link): Dear Prudie: Help! My Boyfriend Refuses to Do Any Housework.
(Link): I Married Young. I Was Widowed Young. I Never Want A Long-Term Partner Again by R. Woolf
(Link): Married to the Job: How a Long-Hours Working Culture Keeps People Single and Lonely by S. Jaffee
(Link): The Nuclear Family Was A Mistake – by David Brooks – and Related Links
(Link): ‘Marriage Changes When You Don’t Just Need A Warm Body and a Paycheck’: A Talk With Rebecca Traister
(Link): Theme Park Bans Single Adults For Fear They Are All Pedophiles
(Link): The Way We Never Were: American Families And The Nostalgia Trap by Stephanie Coontz (Author)
(Link): Go to Counseling to Deal With that Man-Child You Married (Hax Column)
(Link): Do You Feel Shame About Being Single? By John Amodeo, PhD
(Link): Hey, Justice Kennedy: You don’t need to shame singles to uphold marriage by L. Bonos
Christian Pundit 
Yes, I’m really tired of conservative news people such as Tucker Carlson extolling the virtues of family and married life while not acknowledging that sometimes circumstances beyond the single person’s control led them to be single.
Thank you, Sandra, for your reply.
Yes, it’s annoying that other conservatives always hold up “marriage and motherhood” to mean “woman,” when some us conservative women wanted to be married and/or have children, but it just never happened for us, through no fault of our own.
And then the cherry on top is that some of those same conservatives wrongly assume that all of us who are single into our 30s and beyond are to blame for it.
Well, The Federalist not too long ago, recently published yet another editorial which kind of (again!) presents “womanhood” to mean “married with children.”
I wrote a response to it here, if you’re interested in reading it:
(Link): Critique of Federalist Editorial “There Is One Pro-Women Camp In American Politics, And It’s The Right by Elle Reynolds” – Do Federalist Magazine Members Realize There Are Single, Childless Conservative Women?