Can She Bake or Not? (Emma The Ex Friend – How Honest Is She?)

Can She Bake or Not? (Emma The Ex Friend – How Honest Is She?)

All names and identifying information have been changed in the post below, so as to keep people anonymous.


Emma – the ex friend of mine who (Link): got into a spat with me in October 2021, asked me to defriend her on social media (which I did) – told me once a few years ago that she cannot bake.

She told me she cannot use an oven.

By the way, I’ve since discovered that this Emma person has blocked me on at least one social media platform, not sure about the other.

She had no reason to block me, as I have not tried to contact her at either account, nor have I “tagged” her. (I can still see her content to her account if I log out to view it.)

I did visit one of her social media accounts a few times up to late December 2021.

Emma found me years ago via my Twitter account and this blog, where she saw posts I had already made about problems I had with friends and family of mine, and my ex fiance.

Emma approached me wanting to know if she could be friends with me (not vice versa).
She spent several months asking me if she could know me better, asking if I would friend her on Facebook, but I was very reluctant to do that but finally gave in after months and months of her asking me.

“Emma” (not her real name), last I checked in December 2021, is still posting a lot of politically argumentative type content on her social media, but I noticed that she had an exchange with a lady about a recipe at that time, as well.

Let’s say the recipe was for home-made muffins (it was not, it was for something else. I am changing details or omitting them in this post so as to keep Emma anonymous).

Some lady posted a photo of some new muffin recipe she had tried, and Emma gushed to her about how delicious it looked, and she wished she had the recipe.

So, the lady responded by linking her to the muffin recipe.

I clicked on the muffin recipe, and in at least two of the several steps, it mentions pre-heating an oven, putting the muffins in the oven, then taking the muffins out of the oven briefly to pour in more ingredients, then putting the muffins back into the oven to let them finish cooking.

Emma then informed this woman she was looking forward to trying this recipe herself – so I take it that Emma will be baking these muffins in an oven?

I find this very odd, because a few years ago (this was probably around 2017 or 2018), when Emma told me her depression had gotten really bad, I wrote back, told her I was sorry to hear that, and I told her, you know, when I had clinical depression for over 30 years, and especially in the years after my mother died, I found that baking cookies lessened my depression at least for a little while.

Emma wrote me back years ago at that time and told me, “Oh, I can’t bake like you do! I can’t use an oven! It’s due to my hand injuries.”

Well, first of all, when I told her that I had tried baking (and jogging, bike riding, and other techniques) to manage my depression, I was not necessarily suggesting that she herself try baking, bike riding, and so on, but I knew even back then that she was apparently not doing enough to manage her depression.

Emma chooses (yes, it’s a choice she’s making) to spend a lot of time in passive activities, such as being on social media and watching television.

And spending a lot of time in front of screens will make depression worse, if a person has depression.

If you have depression, it is vital you take breaks from screens.

Get out of the house, go on a walk, play frisbee with your pet dog, meet a friend in person for a cup of coffee – that sort of thing.

But… especially now, given how this Emma person blew up at me – and now this muffin baking thing – I take it that she either does not have depression, or, if she does have depression, she has no intention of making different choices and do any thing to actually decrease her depression.

I was diagnosed by psychiatrists with clinical depression from a young age and into my adulthood, something Emma kept disputing (and never apologized for).

I think she did this because my lived experience did not line up with what she wants to be true of people with depression.

(In spite of having clinical depression, I was able to hold down jobs and attend college full time and earn a degree, as did my older sister, who also has been diagnosed by a mental health professional with major depressive disorder (clinical depression).)

Emma wants to believe that clinical depression leaves people totally handicapped and (Link): unable to  make any sort of changes or improvements in their attitudes or life styles, that it renders those afflicted of being incapable of taking personal responsibility – which is all false.

(And please, don’t bring up the (Link): “but depression is like paralyzed people in wheelchairs” analogy, because that doesn’t totally hold up).

So… a few years ago, when I told Emma that baking cookies had helped me during the years I was clinically depressed (and also situationally depressed, as when I was in the grieving process after my mother died), she wrote back and said, “Oh, due to my hand pain, my hand injuries, I cannot bake like you do!”

(She also had excuses as to why she couldn’t go on walks, go on bike rides and whatever other suggestions I had told her had worked for me personally.)

But now, as of December 2021, she is telling this Muffin Lady on social media she loves the Muffin Recipe and will try it out soon…

I am left with one of these choices:

Either Emma…

  1. Was being dishonest with me about having injured hands and thus was supposedly unable to bake things,
    she was being dishonest about being unable to use an oven and pull cookie sheets and such in and out of an oven
  2.  Was being dishonest with the Muffin Recipe lady and has no intention of actually baking the Muffins,
    or,
  3. God very recently, miraculously healed her hands and whatever other physical health problems that rendered her supposedly being incapable of baking years ago when she told me she cannot bake like I do

As of the writing of this post (January 8, 2022), I have not blocked Emma on any of my social media accounts.

I de-friended her, per her request or suggestion, but I did not block her.

I’m trying to keep Emma anonymous here, so I do not want to state what specific career occupation she told me she used to work in, but I will say that it was somewhat related to helping or assisting people, let’s say.

Emma told me that in part of her education to entering that field, let’s call it “Career X,” that she had to take a psychology course or two (this would’ve been around, I figure, the late 1970s for her, possibly early 1980s).

I myself took psychology courses in the 1990s, though I do not have a degree in mental health.

I did spend years researching the topics of depression and anxiety on my own since I had both conditions for over 35+ years, and the psychiatrists I saw in person did nothing to alleviate the depression or anxiety I had.

I remember my sister telling me a few months ago, when I was telling her how Emma was acting like a belligerent child with me and how Emma was continually denying my depression diagnosis for years now, that my sister said to me,
“I seriously doubt she was telling you the truth about the career she used to work in. Had she worked in “Career X,” there is no way she’d be denying YOUR medical diagnosis of having clinical depression.”

My sister was very adamant with me that she believes Emma was lying about once having worked as an X, since this Emma person kept denying my diagnosis.

Well… if Emma is telling the truth to the Muffin Lady about baking those muffins, this means she can now start baking more often as a way of coping with depression.

This is assuming she was being truthful about having depression in the first place.

Maybe Emma does not have depression and never did and was just saying she does to me in order to garner sympathy, attention, or to dodge taking personal responsibility.
That would not be beyond the actions of someone on the Covert Narcissistic scale (scroll down (Link): this page to see the section under the sub-heading “The Psychosomatic” for more on that).

The fact that Emma told me years ago she cannot use an oven and bake as I did because she had hand injuries, but now, weeks ago, she’s suddenly telling some other lady on her social media,
“Oh boy, I can’t wait to try this muffin recipe myself that you posted and shared the link to; it looks positively delicious!”
(and the muffin recipe calls for using an oven at least twice in the steps!) definitely looks very, very bad and calls into question Emma’s honesty.

Unless Emma wants to tell me that her hands – or whatever physical malady that was supposedly keeping her from using an oven or from baking years ago – is now healed up and fixed.

In the meantime, this makes me wonder.

It looks very fishy and suspicious of Emma to tell me a few years ago, “Oh no, I can’t cope with depression by baking, as my hands are too sore to pull pans in and out of oven racks,”
but then in December 2021, tell some rando lady on Twitter,
“Thanks so much for the link to the muffin recipe [that requires the use of an oven]; I can’t wait to try it, it looks delicious!”

If Emma wasn’t being honest with me about the “shucky darn, no, I can’t use an oven, my shaky, horrible hands!” declarations a few years ago, to telling some other lady, “I am excited to use an oven to try your muffin recipe,” it does call into question her integrity.

It also makes me wonder if Emma set her account to private (I mean, she blocked me) precisely so I would not see admissions like that one, because I would see the discrepancies (I can still see her content when I am logged out of that site).

If she wasn’t being honest with me about not being able to use an oven (over a supposed physical injury), it makes me wonder what else Emma wasn’t being honest with me about.


I plan on making at least one more post about this “Emma” person (if it gets to be too long, I will have to break it up into more than one post), and other than using her (and creepo “Donna Hazel”) as passing examples in any future posts I may make (e.g., as examples of people stabbing me in the back, and so on, which I have done in regards to other people on this blog in years past), I do not intend on discussing Emma any further. (This is also barring any further drama.)


(Link):  Emma Responds – My Comments

(Link): Emma the Ex Friend, Part 2 (I Won’t Play the Codependent or Rescuer Anymore – Some Life Lessons Learned)


(Link): 10 Signs Someone’s Always Playing the Victim (6.05 long video)

(Link):  The “Victim” Narcissist | How to tell who is playing the victim (17 minute long video)

Applicable to Emma (and to “Donna Hazel”):

(Link):  5 Reasons Covert Narcissists Are Missed or Misdiagnosed

I see more of Emma in this (a little over 12 minutes long):

(Link):  The Covert Vulnerable Narcissist. ( Behaviours Of Vulnerable Narcissism.) 


Related Posts on this Blog:

(Link): The ‘Paralyzed in a Wheelchair’ Analogy – Regarding: Clinical Depression – Also: The Cynical or Victimhood Filter

(Link): Victim Syndrome (‘Are You A Victim of the Victim Syndrome’) – by Insead

(Link): Choosing Sadness: The Irony of Depression – article from APS – by Wray Herbert

(Link): Mental Illness Doesn’t Make You Special by F. Deboer

(Link): When Narcissists Fake Being Sick to Manipulate You – Re: Boundaries, etc

(Link):  When You’re in Imbalanced, Unfair Relationships – You’re the Free Therapist, The Supportive, Sounding Board Who Listens to Other People’s Non-Stop Complaining, But They Don’t Listen to You – re: The Toilet Function of Friendship

(Link): People Using Fake Sickness or Hardship To Con People Out Of Their Money, Attention, or Empathy

(Link): More Thoughts About ‘The Toilet Function of Friendship’ – Avoid or Minimize Contact with the Rachels and Fletchers of the World 

(Link): Help! I Think I Made a Terrible Mistake When Helping My Elderly Neighbor (The Codependency, People Pleasing Trap)

(Link): An Assessment of the Article “Why the Religion of Self-Care is Really Sanctified Selfishness” – Christian Author is Indirectly Promoting Codependency, Which is Harmful

(Link): Hedonism is Overrated – to Make the Best of Life There Must Be Pain, Says This Yale Professor

(Link): Clinical Depression Doesn’t Make People Incapable of Making Choices or Changes

(Link): Life Lessons After Recovering from Codependency – I Can’t Save You, and I No Longer Want To

(Link):  If Nothing Can Be Done to Lessen or Heal Depression, Why Do I Keep Seeing Articles Like This One? ‘Feeling anxious and depressed? Sit less and move more, study says’

(Link): An Experimental Depression Treatment Uses Electric Currents to Bring Relief by L. McClurg

(Link): An Alarming Trend in Psychotherapy by Christine Sefein – (Woke Therapists Want You To Stay In a Victim Mindset and Miserable)

(Link): Chronic Pain and the Self Pity, Depression Trap

(Link): Acceptance (vs. Denial, Anger, or Should-ing) – Helps in Healing and Getting Through Painful Events and Dealing With Things You Cannot Change

(Link): Addendum – Mental Health and Treatment and the Goals of Mental Health Professionals

Pertinent for this post:

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