I Want to Divorce My Unbelievably Selfish Husband, Advice by S. L. Brown

I Want to Divorce My Unbelievably Selfish Husband, Advice by S. L. Brown

I hesitate to link to too many of these advice columnists any more, as months ago, someone admitted to writing bogus letters asking for advice, that were published to Slate, or some other publication. But maybe what follows is real… I’ve certainly known women in real life whose husbands are very selfish.

Anyway, for years, I had wanted to be married, and I never did get married. I eventually made peace with that.

Every so often I see letters like what follows below, or other women’s divorce horror stories – where they had to leave an abusive husband – and it makes me feel even more at peace with the fact I never married.

There’s no point in being married if the person you marry is selfish or treats you like garbage. It’s better to be single, or to stay single, then end up marrying an abuser or a self absorbed jackass.

(Most Christian gender complementarians would command this woman to stay in this joke of a marriage she describes and continue putting up with this horseshit from her selfish husband, because their interpretation of the Bible. 
I think their interpretation of the Bible is totally incorrect about gender roles and divorce… if you’re a grown woman, you have to make choices based on what you believe is best for you, not on another person’s fallible interpretation of the Bible.

If you’re a Christian woman, don’t look for, or count upon, your church’s or pastor’s “permission” to divorce an abusive or selfish husband, because most will not grant it.)

(Link): I Want to Divorce My Unbelievably Selfish Husband, Advice by S. L. Brown

January 31, 2022

Dear Care and Feeding,

I am a married mom of two kids. My husband is unbelievably selfish.

I do pretty much all of the parenting, housework, cooking, driving to extracurriculars, shopping, etc.

I also pay for virtually everything (we have separate bank accounts). He works a lot less hours than I do for around the same pay.

He spends his free time napping, going to the gym, getting massages … you get the picture.

I spend my free time looking after the kids. We’ve been to therapy, and he has stated that this is just how he is.

I’m beyond resentful and the only thing he contributes to our household right now is to the mess … that I then have to clean up. We live like roommates to the point that he sleeps in another room.

I’m thinking about separating from him, but the problem is that my 9-year-old daughter Petunia suffers from terrible separation anxiety (she won’t leave my side), and I think it would be so bad for Petunia to be away from me.

My husband is an OK-ish dad when he does spend time with Petunia, but I think he is very happy with his bachelorlike life, since I basically serve as a full-time cleaning lady and chef, and I wouldn’t put it past him to try to hurt me for leaving him by wanting the kids half time.

Petunia goes to a counselor to try to deal with her separation anxiety, and it’s helping, but very slowly. She stays with her dad for a few hours if I have errands to run, but that’s about it.

My husband and I don’t fight that often and so the kids don’t see that side of us, but I am afraid we aren’t good role models for what a healthy and happy relationship should be.

I don’t know if I should keep pushing her to spend time with him without me to prepare her for us separating.

Do I stay until she’s older and a little stronger?

Will I eventually burst with resentment? Am I damaging her by not forcing her to be away from me?

I keep hoping he’ll cheat on me or something that will make the decision easier. She hasn’t spent time with just him in years. I just don’t know what to do.

—Lost and Lonely

You can (Link): click here to read the rest of the page, to see the advice she receives from the columnist.


Related:

(Link):  Surprise! Slate’s Advice Column is Full of Fake Letters

(Link): The Selfish, Lazy Husband Who Kept Blowing Off His Stressed Wife to Go on World War 2 Reenactments – Male Entitlement in Relationships: Why Women Divorce Men – and Churches and Culture Support This Male Entitlement

(Link): Woman Wildly Happy She Got Divorced (Dear Abby Column) 

(Link): I Married Young. I Was Widowed Young. I Never Want A Long-Term Partner Again by R. Woolf

(Link):  Go to Counseling to Deal With that Man-Child You Married (Hax Column)

(Link):  Woman Writes To Ask Amy: Husband’s Incessant Monologue   – Reminds Me Of My Ex Fiance

(Link):  Nine Signs He’s Not The Marrying Type, According To Marriage Counselors 

(Link):  Continue Being a Butthole Wife: Death is Not a Justification for Husbands To Be Entitled, Selfish, or Abusive Buttholes

(Link):  Why Don’t Some Men Realize A Relationship Is Over Until It’s Too Late? by N. Reilly

(Link):  Male Entitlement In Dating and In Marriage  – Single Christian Men Who Feel Entitled – Part 1

(Link): Why and How Romantic Relationships Stay Together or Fall Apart – “Science says lasting relationships come down to—you guessed it—kindness and generosity”

2 thoughts on “I Want to Divorce My Unbelievably Selfish Husband, Advice by S. L. Brown”

  1. As I get older and remain single, the more I realize marriage is basically one person subjugating themselves to the needs of the other.

    1. Yes, that is one of my realizations as well, though I’ve also run into this same phenomenon with female friends, both in real life or online, and a few family members.

      I can see how marriage could be nice, provided the person you marry is mentally healthy, reciprocates, as opposed to a garden variety selfish clown, or someone with an entitled, abusive mentality, or with a personality disorder, such as narcissism, etc, where they are unwilling and/or incapable of meeting your needs in return.

      I’ve blogged before here in years past about the guy I was engaged to – I met all of his needs consistently, but he didn’t meet mine in return. That is one reason of many I broke up with him.

      When you’re the one in a relationship doing all the giving,and the other person takes, takes, takes, & seldom to never gives back, it’s a recipe for resentment, burn out, and exhaustion… but a lot of Christians keep pushing women to live in that unhealthy manner, usually under their gender complementarian teachings.

      Some Christians really want to hood wink and sucker women into believing that being a constant doormat is godly, biblical, and God’s design for women. 🤮🤮🤮

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