I Want to Divorce My Unbelievably Selfish Husband, Advice by S. L. Brown
I hesitate to link to too many of these advice columnists any more, as months ago, someone admitted to writing bogus letters asking for advice, that were published to Slate, or some other publication. But maybe what follows is real… I’ve certainly known women in real life whose husbands are very selfish.
Anyway, for years, I had wanted to be married, and I never did get married. I eventually made peace with that.
Every so often I see letters like what follows below, or other women’s divorce horror stories – where they had to leave an abusive husband – and it makes me feel even more at peace with the fact I never married.
There’s no point in being married if the person you marry is selfish or treats you like garbage. It’s better to be single, or to stay single, then end up marrying an abuser or a self absorbed jackass.
(Most Christian gender complementarians would command this woman to stay in this joke of a marriage she describes and continue putting up with this horseshit from her selfish husband, because their interpretation of the Bible.
I think their interpretation of the Bible is totally incorrect about gender roles and divorce… if you’re a grown woman, you have to make choices based on what you believe is best for you, not on another person’s fallible interpretation of the Bible.
If you’re a Christian woman, don’t look for, or count upon, your church’s or pastor’s “permission” to divorce an abusive or selfish husband, because most will not grant it.)
January 31, 2022
Dear Care and Feeding,
I am a married mom of two kids. My husband is unbelievably selfish.
I do pretty much all of the parenting, housework, cooking, driving to extracurriculars, shopping, etc.
I also pay for virtually everything (we have separate bank accounts). He works a lot less hours than I do for around the same pay.
He spends his free time napping, going to the gym, getting massages … you get the picture.
I spend my free time looking after the kids. We’ve been to therapy, and he has stated that this is just how he is.
I’m beyond resentful and the only thing he contributes to our household right now is to the mess … that I then have to clean up. We live like roommates to the point that he sleeps in another room.
I’m thinking about separating from him, but the problem is that my 9-year-old daughter Petunia suffers from terrible separation anxiety (she won’t leave my side), and I think it would be so bad for Petunia to be away from me.
My husband is an OK-ish dad when he does spend time with Petunia, but I think he is very happy with his bachelorlike life, since I basically serve as a full-time cleaning lady and chef, and I wouldn’t put it past him to try to hurt me for leaving him by wanting the kids half time.
Petunia goes to a counselor to try to deal with her separation anxiety, and it’s helping, but very slowly. She stays with her dad for a few hours if I have errands to run, but that’s about it.
My husband and I don’t fight that often and so the kids don’t see that side of us, but I am afraid we aren’t good role models for what a healthy and happy relationship should be.
I don’t know if I should keep pushing her to spend time with him without me to prepare her for us separating.
Do I stay until she’s older and a little stronger?
Will I eventually burst with resentment? Am I damaging her by not forcing her to be away from me?
I keep hoping he’ll cheat on me or something that will make the decision easier. She hasn’t spent time with just him in years. I just don’t know what to do.
—Lost and Lonely
You can (Link): click here to read the rest of the page, to see the advice she receives from the columnist.
(Link): The Selfish, Lazy Husband Who Kept Blowing Off His Stressed Wife to Go on World War 2 Reenactments – Male Entitlement in Relationships: Why Women Divorce Men – and Churches and Culture Support This Male Entitlement